How to avoid being falsely accused of groping
Mainichi Daily News has an article on some key points to avoiding being falsely accused of groping on crowded trains. (Via Japan Probe)
Basically they are…
- Get an early start. If possible, depart from the first station on the line. Considering the extra outlay to purchase a reserved seat ticket.
- Be especially careful if you commute on express trains with long intervals between stops.
- If you’re standing, grasp the strap with both hands, so they are visible to everyone in your proximity.
- Turn your back towards women standing close by.
- If you happen to bump against a woman, say “Pardon me” in a voice loud enough to be heard by other passengers and change your position.
- Under no circumstances should you stand beside girls of middle school age.
- Apologize promptly and profusely for any physical contacts with a woman, even arm contact.
- Chew gum or suck on bad breath mints — bad breath tends to annoy people.
- It’s dangerous to tap out messages on cell phones as some women may suspect a man is using the built-in camera to surreptitiously take her photo.
Some of my own suggestions:
- Carry two full grocery bags.
- Play with your PSP or DS lite.
- Learn to solve a Rubik’s Cube.
- Try juggling.
- Read a book. A huge one that requires two hands for support.
- Make out with your girlfriend. (Make sure she’s legal, though)
- Alternatively, read a porn magazine with one hand and use the other hand to uh…
- Wear a pair of sunglasses and carry a walking stick.
- Pretend to have Alzheimer.
- Be a J-Pop idol.
- Be female.
- Failing that, dress like a female.
- Cut off your fingers.
- Carry an ID card that says that you are an Ass Inspector for the Ministry of Health.
- Buy a car so that you don’t have to take the train.
- Rent a car if you can’t afford one.
- Steal a car.
- Grope the girl for real since you might as well.
I like the last one personally.
February 12th, 2007 at 12:11 am
Make the girl grope you instead
February 12th, 2007 at 12:33 am
i thought they have different carriages for female and male?(go see episode 002..its out.)
February 12th, 2007 at 1:33 am
Hmm, someone’s been busy with school. And Esther.
February 12th, 2007 at 2:12 am
Is that related to your rants in the channel today?
Now I can see why you said “girls are troublesome”…..
February 12th, 2007 at 2:40 am
I think this is just his laying out defense, on the way to the trial… ;)
February 12th, 2007 at 2:40 am
His defense, even.
February 12th, 2007 at 4:00 am
I thought the Big Deal with train groping in Japan was that women almost never cried out or accused people, because of Japan’s weird culture of nonconfrontationalism.
February 12th, 2007 at 6:54 am
The last option is actually pretty good. At least you are accused of something you really did :-)
I also propose: “Grope your girlfriend, after discussing on this matter before getting on the train. Imagine the shock ;D”
(That’s the same reason why I found myself less inclined to buy DVD’s. If I am breaking the law anyway by bypassing CSS, then why lose money. Especially when you can get away with downloading from “friends” :D)
February 12th, 2007 at 7:46 am
There’s no need because most Japanese women (according to what I’ve read) won’t do anything.
February 12th, 2007 at 10:01 am
Tiny Red Man:
Women only cars are limited in number and only exist during certain hours of the day. There are a lot of women who end up riding in the other train cars [aka the "chikan cars"]. There is still much work to be done before this problem can be solved…
February 12th, 2007 at 11:07 am
yeah mostly japanese women tend to be quiet about stuff.
only when they HAVE the intent to gang up on you and accuse you of groping them whereby screwing your wallet.
at least the accusers are schoolgirls most of the time lol.
in sg, you have ugly aunties accusing you of touching them by giving you the glare when you accidentally bump onto them. like…who the friggin’ hell would?
February 12th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
hm, i saw something like this… here
http://www.jlist.com/IMAGE/ljp8d
hehe :3
February 12th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
How about wearing a straight-jacket?
February 12th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
@berz: wow… i might buy the shirt…if i have the cash…lol…..
@james: thx…how bout adding cameras on top of the train..every 10cm radius put1….
February 12th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
lol steal a car
February 12th, 2007 at 9:11 pm
just grope the girls and deny it at all cost
February 12th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
lol yeah ‘make the girl grope u instead’
February 12th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
“Carry an ID card that says that you are an Ass Inspector for the Ministry of Health.”
LOL I’d love a job like that.
February 13th, 2007 at 12:26 am
Or…you could just fall asleep while standing. Ensure that you have something to lean on for support though.
February 13th, 2007 at 6:33 am
Some of these are pretty hilarious if you’d ask me. Of course this would never happen anywhere outside of Asia…or on a larger bases. The last one on your list is a personal favorite. Hell might as well *shrugs*
February 13th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
I think happened to me once, the best part was that I was facing my back on the nurse and it just so happened to be one of the days my bag was quite packed so yeah I guess it rubbed her butt or something along with a couple of others… Yeah and I got stared at… I was like dam… when I went do the bus… (I was trying to squeeze out to the door of the bus…) Oh well stuff like that happen to me, somehow…
Another example… I needed to pee very badly after NDP (National Day Parade [2006] training) so I ran out of the train, ran into bugis junction and ran round in my scout uniform, rushing up the exclatior I nearly touched alot of people… Boy even a guy though I wanted to touch his Girl-friend or something… After that I just found a toilet and all was fine after that…
February 15th, 2007 at 2:03 am
“Make out with your girlfriend. (Make sure she’s legal, though)”
LOL Dream on, DM. ;P
February 15th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
LAWL…..how about “take a seat”. Seems you missed it.
Failing to you can:
-snatch a seat
-sit on someone so small they would get squashed flat/pushed aside
-demand a seat for you 100 kg plus back pack
-stand right next to someone seating, and stare hard at them such that they get the message.
February 15th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
for god sake, say you’re gay if all else fails by taking out naked pics of men
February 17th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
Erm…..I can solve a rubik’s cube so that option is out coz its too easy to solve the cube….and its virtually possible to grope while solving it
February 18th, 2007 at 10:48 am
Try a four by four cube then.
February 18th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Isn’t that supposed to be easier?
February 18th, 2007 at 7:14 pm
Hell no.
February 19th, 2007 at 1:01 am
I heard there were some girls who actually want to get groped… and their only reason to go in such a full train is bc they like to get groped…
Well or I shouldnt believe in Ero-Anime (:
August 1st, 2007 at 9:49 pm
M.D., after considering the likely audience of ero-anime I believe you’d have your answer……..
In other words go for it, girls love that stuff……… ;)
August 27th, 2007 at 10:29 am
grope a girl and apologies for just woke up from sleepwalking
November 4th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Wow this post was funny but pointless, at least from where I live. I never touch women in the trains in Osaka and if you do as I do you won’t get in trouble. Tokyo must be a pretty ass backwards place to live if you have to fear bumping into a chick. And I never stare at women on the train it’s always the other way around. And the problem is with the fucking perverted Japanese mentality not the train system….. Yeah blame it on the gun that it killed somebody.
October 1st, 2010 at 12:06 am
i really hate bad breath coz it gives me headache:~~