From: locutusxx@aol.comnospam (LocutusXX) Subject: [Eva/XOver][FanFic] Touched By An Evangelion -- "Special Edition" Note: I wrote this on a lark. For some reason, I came up with the title, and it took me writing a fic to get it out. Hope you like it... Onward... "Touched By An Evangelion" -- Special Edition By: Mark Nason. Neon Genesis Evangelion and related characters/concepts copyright Hideaki Anno/Gainax and TV Tokyo, and is released in the U.S. by AD Vision. Touched By An Angel and related characters/concepts copyright CBS and probably some other folks. I use all this stuff without permission. Please don't sue me, you won't get jack. NYAH!!! 8b pbblt! BTW, this is something of a parody -- try not to get offended. And here's a smile so you know it's all in fun! 8) ***************************************************************************** TIME: AD 2015 (Springtime) PLACE: Tokyo-3, Japan. It was a pleasant spring day in Tokyo-3; The sun was shining, the birds were singing... you get the general idea. Among the crowds of people moving through the streets were two women; both seemingly direct opposites, appearance-wise; one young and white, the other elderly and black. "Okay, Tess," the young woman said, "why *are* we in Tokyo in the first place?" "Monica," said the old woman, "we were told that this is our next assignment. I don't want to be here any longer than I have to ... something about this place just doesn't *feel* right." "I don't see what you mean," replied Monica. "Everything looks fine to me ... well, except for the cars, but they could be new models..." "If you say so, Monica," said Tess; then with a sigh, she continued," but there's still something about this place I just don't like." "Fine, Tess; if this place gives you the creeps, then let's just do our job and go on to the next assignment, okay?" "Okay, Monica. You win," replied Tess. "Let's get to work." Monica looked around and said, "Tess, why is the city so deserted? You'd figure there'd be more people around at this time of day." Tess looked around also. "Hmm. You're right; this is strange," Tess said with an uneasy tone in her voice. "Ahem." A voice came from behind them. Monica and Tess both jumped in their tracks, then turned to find Andrew, the angel of Death behind them. "Monica, Tess," he began. "I have something important to tell you." "What is it, Andrew?", replied Monica. Andrew composed himself for a second before continuing. "Well, there was a mistake in your transit to Tokyo, and..." "A mistake? What do you mean, a mistake?", Tess said impatiently. "Well," Andrew started, "you ARE in Tokyo, However ... umm ... it would seem that you mistakenly got transited to a ... um ... well ... *different* Tokyo, and..." Monica interrupted. "What do you mean, 'different'? I don't quite understand the point you're trying to get across." Andrew squirmed. "Well, you're in Tokyo, but ... well, you're in a different universe. And, uh ... I *really* don't think that they take too kindly to angels here..." A pained expression came over Andrew's face as he said that. "Okay. So they're all on *his* side or something?", said Tess, referring to ... you know ... the guy DOWNstairs. (You know *who* I mean... ~_O ) "Fine, whatever you say. So, are you here to help us with our assignment?" Andrew looked at his toes and said sheepishly, "Uhh ... not exactly." Monica and Tess grew more impatient. "What, then?", they both shouted in unison as the sky above them suddenly grew dark. They both looked up as Andrew said, "That.", and they both saw a giant foot hovering above them. "...oh f!?k," Monica whispered as she and Tess were squished flat by the giant foot. Andrew could only stare in shock as the giant red-colored robot walked down the streets of Tokyo-3. Andrew sighed. "Gee. I guess they never had a chance." He looked at the retreating robot, and read some text on it that said: EVA UNIT-02. "Then again, didn't they know that I'm the angel of Death?", Andrew sighed as he looked down at the giant footprint with the two women inside. "Oh, well. I suppose the people of *this* Earth aren't very fond of angels, aren't they?" Andrew reached down and proceeded to peel the two women from where they lay. He then rolled each of them into tube-like shapes and put them under his arm as he faded from sight. <<< The End. >>> *************************************************************************** -= Afterword =- * or * "Why, oh why did I write this God-awful thing?" Well ... the title popped into my head. And snowballed from there. I guess you've figured out by now that I dislike 'Touched By An Angel'. It's WAY too syrupy for my tastes (or maybe I've grown WAY too cynical in my old age). I guess I just wanted to see Roma Downey get squished. (and what normal person wouldn't?) Plus, I kinda wondered how they get from place to place, so I assumed they "teleported"(or whatever the heavenly equivalent might be). Of course, someone's probably going to ask this question: "Why Asuka?" Simple. Watch 'End of Evangelion' sometime and you'll see what I mean... ~_O Okay, by now, odds are some of you are asking: "Special Edition?" Yup. I figured if George Lucas can do it with the original "Star Wars" trilogy... Actually, one of the prereaders for the sequel to "Touched by An Evangelion" suggested I rewrite this one to make it mesh more with the sequel(thanks, Disaster!). And so, this is the result. Still quite spammy, though... Well, that's it. Hope you enjoyed it. I sure did. Maybe. ^_^;; Thanks to my *original* pre-readers: The Regulars(Jedi, Venus-chan, Ansy, Kenner, Draggie, Chocky, Fuu-chan, and Aeka-chan ^_^ ), Valerie Peters, Lisa Nguyen, Jo Mion, and Amande. For those who didn't ... oh, well. Your loss. Extra special thanks go to whatever deity invented caffiene (the wonder drug!)-- God bless you!!! ^_^ Anyway... Send all C&C to: onsenmark12@uymail.com -- MST's really welcome(I'd love to see how people fold, spindle, and mutilate my work). Flames, as always, go to president@whitehouse.gov. - Mark Nason. March 24, 2000. From: locutusxx@aol.comnospam (LocutusXX) Subject: [Eva/XOver][FanFic] Touched By An Evangelion 2 "Touched By An Evangelion II -- The Angels Strike Back!(or: Guess Who's Coming To Breakfast?)" Written (badly) by: Mark Nason Neon Genesis Evangelion and related characters/concepts copyright Hideaki Anno/Gainax and TV Tokyo, and is released in the U.S. by ADV. Touched By An Angel and related characters/concepts copyright CBS and probably some other folks. Sailor Moon and related characters/concepts copyright Naoko Takeuchi, Toei, and some other people I'm forgetting. DiC is the Anti-christ. I use everything without permission, pretty much. Please don't sue me, I'm broke. NOTE: Characters' thoughts are in angle brackets(i.e. ). WARNING: Spam-fic ahead. LAP does not necessarily apply. Besides, it's all in fun, ne? ****************************** Asuka opened her eyes and yawned. She turned to look at the alarm clock on the night stand. <7 A.M.>, she thought. She sat up and stretched a bit. "Gaah...", Asuka groaned as she got out of bed and left her bedroom. As she entered the kitchen, Asuka heard what sounded like a chainsaw on speed. Further investigation revealed it to be Misato at the kitchen table, sleeping off her latest drinking escapade. Shinji was at the counter, making breakfast for himself and Asuka, since odds were that Misato would have some of the 'hair of the dog' for breakfast, followed by her usual morning ritual of loud hooting and hollering. "Good morning, Asuka", Shinji said as he laid out breakfast in front of Asuka. "Hrmph", she grunted, as she stared somewhat groggily at the food before her. The doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Shinji said. "You finish eating." Asuka grunted and continued eating. , she thought. Shinji poked his head into the kitchen. "Umm, sorry to disturb you, Asuka, but there are two REALLY strange women here to see you," he said. Asuka mumbled, "Oh, joy. Seven-something in the morning, and people are showing up at our doorstep. Thanks a lot, baka Shinji." Asuka got up and left the kitchen. Asuka shuffled to the entryway and opened the front door. Sure enough, there were two women at the door, one a elderly black woman, the other younger and white. Both of them looked as if they'd been through the wringer and then some. "Excuse me", the younger woman asked in what seemed to be an mild Irish accent. "Are you Sohryu Asuka Langley?" Asuka looked puzzled for a second, then said, "Umm... yeah. Can I help you?" The younger woman looked at the older woman, who nodded back at her. Reaching behind their backs, both women pulled out wooden mallets from nowhere yelling "ASUKA NO BAKA!!!", as they brought them down squarely on Asuka's head. "I think our work here is done, Tess," the younger woman said to the older one. "You got that right, Monica," the older one said. "Come on, let's go find a place to grab some breakfast." The two women walked off. A few minutes later, the two angels left the apartment building. "You know, Tess, there *are* advantages to being angels in a universe like this", Monica said. "True," replied Tess. "But I wonder when we're going back home? I mean, I'm glad we managed to somehow survive getting squished by that giant robot yesterday, but I do NOT want to go through that again..." "I know how you feel, there's no way in...", Monica stated just before she heard someone calling hers and Tess' names. The angels turned around to find Andrew, the angel of Death running up to them. ">pant< I'm >pant< glad I ... caught up to >wheeze< you ...", Andrew gasped as he tried to catch his breath. After several seconds, he continued, "There's something I think you should know..." "What? Spit it out!" Tess asked excitedly. "Yeah, tell us," Monica said. "Well, 'real' or not, we're still in an anime-based universe, where the laws of our reality don't necessarily apply. Well..." "Well? What? What is that supposed to mean?" spat Monica. "It MEANS that you and that big, fat cow just pissed off the WRONG Eva pilot, Arschloch!!!" someone screamed from behind them. Both Monica and Tess turned around slowly to find an extremely angry Asuka Langley-Soryu, the two lumps on her head from the hammer blows looking like devil's horns. Her face was turning more and more crimson by the second. "Uh-oh," both women said as Andrew turned around and began running like hell. "I'moutahereNiceknowingyoubothSeeyoubackintheafterlifeWellgottarunfar- awayrealllyreallyfastByenow!", he said as he ran off. "DIE!!!", Asuka screamed as she jumped towards the two women... ****************************** *** Meanwhile, in another part of Japan *** "Oh, my! That was the fourth largest burst of profanity I've ever heard...and the first in German, to boot!", a green-haired young woman exclaimed in surprise. "Michiru, you need a new hobby," joked the shorthaired blonde woman. The resulting tongue war between Haruka and Michiru lasted a good two hours. ****************************** *** Back in Tokyo-3 *** Asuka dusted off her hands. "There!," she said, "I don't think they'll be bothering ME anymore... I just hope that baka Shinji hasn't finished off my breakfast..." Asuka walked off just as Andrew peeked around another corner. He walked over to the two women (now amazingly tied into pretzel-like shapes) and knelt down. "I just KNEW this would happen," stated Andrew. "You two seem to get in more trouble on this world than any other." The only response that Monica could muster was something that sounded amazingly like "...GuUuU...i HaD jElL-o ToDaY..." before she returned to unconsciousness. Andrew shook his head as he hoisted the two women onto his shoulders. "And that girl is worse than that robot she rides in, I suppose. I thank God that the other two aren't this bad", Andrew mused. "Well, I think it's time to take you ladies home... I'm *really* going to need a vacation after this." *** Meanwhile... *** >pop-fiss< >glub, glub, glub< "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Now THAT'S the way to start the day!" >>> End. <<< ****************************** Author's Notes - or - "Why in God did you write ANOTHER one?" Simple. I felt like it. Pure and simple. Although, this took quite a bit more effort than my previous 'fic. My pre-readers gave me a LOT of input on this one, and a couple of them caught things that I missed in the (supposedly) final draft. And so, I'd like to give thanks to my pre-readers(in no particular order), even those who *forgot* to give C&C: - Disaster - Axel Terizaki - Valkyrie-kohai! - Draggie - Czarie - Tench - Anthy - Chaos Child - Karl Merris - Booey - Aeka-chan - Daniel Attema - Liyang Hu/DenseBoy The scene involving Haruka & Michiru was inspired by scene from a SM uber-fic a friend of mine wrote, titled "Sailors No More". If you want to read it, just go to my page(http://hometown.aol.com/locutusxx/index.html), and click on the "My Fics" link. It should be in the "Archives" section.(plug, plug) The title of this fic was partially inspired by old Bullwinkle cartoons...go figure(although Daniel Attema should get some credit for inadvertently suggesting it). Send all C&C and MST's to: onsenmark12@uymail.com.(MST's prefered, though) Send all flames to: president@whitehouse.gov. Thanks for reading! 8D - Mark Nason. - March 23, 2000.