Anne Packrat Name: Anne Packrat Page: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/8094 [Evangelion and it's respective characters owned by Gainax and ADV. I didn't create them, kay? "I'm not running away, I'm advancing in reverse!"] SPOILERS up to at least Episode 22. ---------------------- The huge sharply-angled head stared defiantly at its would-be pilot. Needless to say, this scared the crap out of poor 14-year-old Shinji Ikari. Shinji gulped as the huge orange eyes seemed to gleam with the horrors it was waiting to commit once it had a soul within. Above, in a glass enclosed overhang, a figure with gold tinted glasses stared impassively down at the boy and the beast. "Is this why you sent for me?!" Shinji yelled, his eyes closed in anger, "I can't pilot this thing! I've never even seen anything like it! I can't! I won't!" "That is unfortunate," the figure replied, sounding startlingly like James Earl Jones, "But we do have a replacement..." Major Misato Katsuragi gasped. "Sir, you can't mean Rei, she's way too injured!" She turned toward Shinji, "I know this is hard, Shinji, but please! You're the only one who can! Look at your father, Shinji! Can't you see the pleading in his eyes?" Almost unwillingly Shinji looked at the overhang and the figure in it. Then he facefaulted. "That's not my father!" he said to Misato in an accusing tone, "That's a penguin!" Misato used her hand to shield her face from the glaring light of the glass enclosure. "Well, what do you know! Who would have thought your dad was a flightless waterfowl?" Shinji facefaulted again. "He isn't related to me! He is not Gendo Ikari!" "Shinji...." Pen Pen said breathing heavily. "What?" Pen Pen stared down at the boy with cold beady eyes. "Shinji.... I am your father!" -----Unfamiliar Everything------- -------------by Anne Packrat---- [Eva 01 Cage] Misato came up behind her college friend and collegue, Ritsuko Akagi. Both women leaned against the railing overlooking the submerged Evangelion. "So, Shinji's still floating somewhere in the entry plug ne?" Ritsuko nodded. "It's been fifteen days now." "How are the recovery attempts going?" Ritsuko removed her glasses and rubbed her aching eyes. "Very slowly, I'm afraid." Misato sighed and put her chin in her hand. "I wonder what it's like for him...?" ----------------- [Somewhere] [A traincar, Shinji is seated on the right hand side of the train while Chibi-Shinji is seated opposite him.] Chibi-Shinji: Why are you here? Shinji [shrugging]: I assume I'm going somewhere. Chibi-Shinji: Where are you going? Shinji: I don't know. Chibi-Shinji: Why do you pilot Eva? Shinji [staring at Chibi-Shinji with a calculating look]: You're rather direct aren't you? Chibi-Shinji [shrugging]: Would you rather I wasn't? Shinji: No. [looks out the window] Chibi-Shinji: Why do you pilot Eva? Shinji [still looking out the window]: To save all of mankind from the Angels. Chibi-Shinji: Is that the only reason? Shinji [quietly]: No. Father praises me when I do it. Chibi-Shinji: And? Shinji [turns his head to look at his smaller self]: Well there is that Oedipus complex I have. Eva 01 is partly my mom and you know I'm kinda working with her and stuff. Then there's the fact that the phallic nature of the progressive knife represents my overcompensating for my inadequacy as a man. But I think the real reason is that I just like blowing stuff up. Chibi-Shinji [nodding sagely]: I thought as much. Shinji: Yeah. [They sit in silence for a few minutes.] So where are we going? Chibi-Shinji: California. Shinji [puzzled]: Why, California? Chibi-Shinji [grinning]: Cause I wanna go to Disneyland! Shinji: .... ----------------- [Control Room] Ritsuko groaned at what the status screen showed her. "Dammit! Stop the attempt! We'll only hurt the Eva by continuing." Maya Ibuki and Makoto Hyuga punched some buttons at their consoles. "Hai, Akagi-sempai!" Maya said. "Recovery attempt aborted! All equipment shut down!" Makoto said after a minute. "Thanks, Makoto," Ritsuko replied. She took one last look up at the voilet Eva 01. "Looks like it's going to be another all-nighter, Maya." "Hai, " Maya came up behind her and also stared at the Eva, "Chotto hen desu ne?" Wearily, Ritsuko stared at her protege. "Maya stop talking in Japanese, this is the dub version." Maya flushed in embarrasment. "Oh, er, right, sumimasen....." Ritsuko sighed. It was going to be a long night. ------------------ [Another Somewhere] [A traincar. Rei sits on the right side while Chibi-Rei sits on the left.] Chibi-Rei: Why are we here? Rei: We are here to fight the Angels and save mankind. Chibi-Rei: Who are we? Rei: We are Rei. I am the third. Chibi-Rei: But-.... [Both suddenly notice a confused and embarrassed Shinji watching from the back of the traincar.] Chibi Rei and Rei [angrily]: DO YOU MIND?!!! Shinji [blushes and waves his hand]: Sorry! Wrong dream I guess... Chibi-Rei: Anta baka.... ----------------- [A Different Somewhere Away From Rei's Dream] [Shinji is floating in a neverending sea of light. He is unclothed but doesn't seem to mind.] Shinji [dreamily]: Ah.... This is so nice and warm! It feels like 638 hot water bottles covering my body all at once... Er, well not that exactly.... Like being dipped in a mug of hot cocoa after a winter day outside.... No that's not right either... Like- [His musings are interrupted by a voice calling his name. He turns around and sees a figure coming towards him. As the figure approaches it comes more clearly into focus, we can see it is a woman in her late thirties with short red hair. In fact it is Shinji's...] Shinji [shouting in disbelief]: Mother?! [Yui Ikari nods and smiles. She embraces her son and strokes his hair.] Yui [soothingly]: Yes, it's me, Shinji-chan. Shhhhh..... It's all right now. Shinji [confused but happy]: But, but... how? Yui [smiling softly]: It is the will of Gainax, son.... Shinji [looks up at his mother]: The will of what? Yui [shakes her head as if to clear it]: The will of God son, the, uh, will of God... Shinji [settling back down in her arms]: Oh, right... Mother...... there's so much I wish to tell you.... About everything that's happened recently, and.... Yui [putting her finger on his lips to silence him]: I know all about it, son. I am always with you. Shinji [nodding]: Uh huh.... Yui: But I have a few questions for you, Shin-chan. Shinji [sighing in contentment]: Go ahead, mother. Yui [turning Shinji so he can face her]: Why haven't you cleaned your room? I don't understand how you can live in such a pig sty! Shinji: Um.... Yui [nagging]: And I don't like you hanging with those two boys Touji and Kensuke. They're a bad influence! And as for that Asuka girl! You can do much better than her, son! Why don't you get together with that nice Rei and settle down? Shinji: Er, mother, uh..... Yui [reproving]: And as for those grades! Shinji : I musn't run away. I mustn't run away.... ------------------- [Eva 01's Cage] All of the personnel breathe a collective sigh of relief as, after a month of failed attempts, finally the entry plug is pulled free from Eva 01. Misato watches with tense expectation as the hatch is opened and LCL pours forth. Her eyes fall onto a crumpled and empty plugsuit. She gasps and tears begin to leave her eyes. Shinji is not there. She falls to her knees and clasps the plugsuit to her chest. "Shinji," she says brokenly, "I can't lose you.... COME BACK!" She yells the last part to inanimate Eva 01, but there is no response from the giant. As the echoes of her cry die away, she mutters to herself, "He's really gone..." She doesn't notice at first that the plugsuit she'd been holding had been filled with several kilograms of Shinji. The first thing that registered to Shinji was that he was alive. The second was that he was alive with his face in Misato's rather ample chest. The third was that he wasn't likely to stay that way if Misato kept squeezing so hard he couldn't breathe. "Misato.... Can't- breathe....." he managed to gasp out. Misato finally noticed his predicament and gave him more room. She was staring at him in amazement as was the rest of the people there. "Shinji! You're alive!" She then proceeded to tighten her embrace even more. "GAHHHH!!!!!" Shinji responded intelligently while turning a shade of purple to match his Eva. Ritsuko and Hyuga managed to pull the pilot free from the major's hold. After several minutes spent catching his breath, Shinji was ready to talk. "What was it like, Shinji?" Misato asked and the other personnel crowded around the boy waited eagerly for his answer. Shinji shook his head and tried to gather his thoughts. "It was.... It was really wierd, like that old show the Twilight Zone..." Hyuga (something of an old TV buff) grinned. "You know Ikari-kun. If you really were in the Twilight Zone there would be some kind of perverse twisted ending!" Shinji gulped. "Er, really?" Hyuga nodded and turned to the person next to him. "Isn't that right ReiPen-san?" Shinji stared in horror at the person Hyuga was talking too. The ghastly image of Rei's head on top of Pen Pen's body stared directly at Shinji and gave him an evil grin. "Yes, that's right." Silence. Then... "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" ------------------ ------------------ My my, where did this come from? Partly from Bloom County. But mostly from my twisted little mind. Rei-Pen: Remember, God's in his heaven and all's right with the world.... Anne: ....at least until I write a sequel. ------------------ ------------------ Special Thanks to: Monkey and Todd for getting me into anime. Capow for being there. Mike for lending me his Evangelion tapes. Rob, Robin, Jennzer, Josh, Jason and the rest of my friends. Anno for his genius in creating the series. Andrew Huang for Evanjelly Donut. Joseph for prereading and being malletbait. Miichan for his love and support. And you the reader for, well, reading. Next up Potentially: A Very Twisted Eva Xover! Anne Packrat (remove nospam from address to reply) Maintainer of DeepSpace - a shrine to Kiyone http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/8094/deep.html "I musn't run away, I musn't run away..." - Shinji