Newsgroups: rec.arts.anime.creative Followup-To: rec.arts.anime.fandom Approved: ranma@tass.org From: Bastion Subject: [Eva][SongFic] Lift Your Head Up High Summary: Expires: Distribution: world Keywords: Cc: X-UBC-Archive: /Evangelion/eva.songfic.lift-your-head-up-high.gz X-Moderation-Queue-Date: Fri, 28 Apr 2000 23:03:28 -0500 Organization: University of Houston Hey party people. Wave your hands in the air. This one goes out to everyone who's seen the last TV episode of EVA, so, um, Spoiler Alert, or something like that. Either way, any and all comments are welcome. Have a nice one, peeps. Oh and I nearly forgot, I'm dedicating this songfic to that swinging couple Mr. & Ms. Bartram. Now, without further ado.... *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* Lift Your Head Up High aka Bastion's Tribute to the Last Episode of EVA by Bastion http://pweb.netcom.com/~bastion/index1.htm Inspired by the song, Lift Your Head Up High (And Blow Your Brains Out) by The Bloodhound Gang. *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* [The screen is black and when, in ominous fashion, white words fade over the darkness..] It was 2016 A.D. The thing people lost, in other words, the complementation of the mind is on the run. However, it's too short a time to describe the entire process. [They slowly disappear, only to be instantly replaced.] Therefore, we discuss on the complementation of the mind of one single boy named Ikari Shinji. [The characters dissipate into the background, and a spotlight shines on a young, frail brown-haired boy, with the caption, 'Case 3: In the case of Ikari Shinji.' appearing above him. They fade away and the boy sits in his chair in silence, when suddenly he hears clapping and echoes of music everywhere. Without warning, a large group of familiar faces are illuminated by enigmatic spotlights.] All: Lift your head up high and blow your brains out! [Then a redhead in a school uniform dances out from the darkness, holding a microphone connected to a toy mini-piano her face just mere inches from the boy's.] Asuka: Do you still go to raves? Do you think Christ saves? Do you spend your days in a Purple Haze? Do you contemplate what a grape nut is? Or could you live drinkin' your own whiz? [A purple haired woman in a red jacket and black dress pops out of the blackness under a spotlight, wagging a finger at the boy while clutching an alcoholic beverage.] Misato: Are you hooked on a feeling are you hooked on gin-n-tonics? Are you hooked on fistin' are you hooked on phonics? [Asuka pushes out the woman and nails the boy square between the eyes with a box of tissues. The boy finds himself on his back with the smirking, upside down visage of Asuka still in his vision.] Asuka: Did you ever have sex with a box of Kleenex? [The boy blushes while a blond boy in camouflage comes out of the darkness and begins to take out objects from assorted pockets on his person.] Kensuke: Did you like the movie Malcolm X? Or do you own a record by Stryper? Do you have a mongoloid cousin wearin' diapers? Were you born and raised in New Jersey? Did you like the taste of Crystal Pepsi? [The redhead pushes the blond aside and continues to sing into her toy synthesizer, dancing provocatively in the boy's face.] Asuka: Are you deaf? Well if you are you can't hear me But what's the use of living if your ear's be? Broken even if I had spoken clearly You're stall knot table two eer mi [The girl scratches her inner ear and rubs it contents on the boy's shoulder.] Asuka: Cause life is a game that no one wins But you deserve a headstart the way your life's goin' [Asuka waves her finger the boy.] Asuka: So throw in the towel cause your life ain't shit [A towel slaps the boy in the face.] Asuka: No take that towel and hang yourself with it [Before the boy can peel the towel off his face, it squeezes dangerously around his neck, the redhead smiles as she applies more pressure.] Asuka: Life's short and hard like a body-building elf [She steps back and poses. The boy takes in a gulp of air.] Asuka: So save the planet and kill yourself If your feeling down-and-out with what your life is all about Lift your head up and blow your brains out [Suddenly, the entire cast is spotlighted once again.] All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out! [A chorus of Reis dance into view, wiggling their hips to the rhythm of the music.] Asuka: Lift your head up high and blow your brains out [The chorus wiggles once more and vanishes. Then two spotlights follow Ritsuko and Misato, Major Katsuragi whispers to the boy while playfully pointing to the blonde.] Misato: Does your girlfriend look like the chick from M*A*S*H? Dead ringer for Klinger with a thicker mustache? When you're at a get-together does everybody always ask? Ain't no Halloween party why's she wearin' that mask? [Misato giggles. The blonde straightens her lab coat and aims her retort towards the boy.] Ritsuko: Does she got more Chins than the Chinese phone book? [Glowering at Ritsuko, Misato replies back to the boy.] Misato: Would you rather make out with a rusty fish hook? [Now the two women are talking directly to each other much to the boy's chagrin.] Ritsuko: Does she stick to linoleum when she squats? Misato: Does she look pregnant although she's not? [The blonde puts her hands on her hips and gives her fellow woman the one, two.] Ritsuko: Did you first see your boyfriend on Cops? [Kaji is shown being escorted by law enforcement officers. He smiles a toothy smile at Misato.] Ritsuko: Or at a Star Trek convention or on top? [In the old style Star Trek uniform, Kaji lifts his hand and attempts the Vulcan sign without much success while one of his fake ears fall off.] Ritsuko: Of your best friend or maybe at Wendy's? Workin' third shift late New Year's Eve? [Now Kaji appears wearing an apron and oblong hat. He waves at Misato as he flips a burger. She sighs.] Ritsuko: Does he live under a bridge, scare kids, and kill squirrels? [A very dingy Kaji pops up from under a bridge, barring his fake fangs and scaring everyone. Then he smiles a maize-like smile and waves at Misato.] Ritsuko: Does he do kegstands until he hurls? [From in front of a toilet, Kaji weakly lifts his hand and waves while continuing his praising.] Ritsuko: Could a blind man mistake his complexion for Braille? [Kaji, wearing a long cloak and a hood over his face, limps into view. Removing his hood, he smiles, though it's hardly visible through all the lumps of skin. He waves at Misato. She shivers.] Ritsuko: Does he have time to sit around and wait for the mail? [Standing next to mail box Kaji dusts off his cardigan sweater and waves at Misato, oblivious to the canine relieving itself on his leg. Asuka jumps between the arguing women.] Asuka: Life is a game that no one wins [The boy gets tugged to his left.] Hikari: But you deserve a headstart the way your life's goin' [Then to his right.] Kensuke: So throw in the towel cause your life ain't shit [Back to the middle.] Asuka: No take that towel and hang yourself with it [The others crowd around Asuka.] Hikari: Life's short and hard like a body-building elf [Touji gets on his knees and flexes, Hikari rests her hand on head and ruffles his hair.] Asuka: So save the planet and kill yourself [Touji gooses Asuka from behind and continues.] Touji: If your feeling down-and-out with what your life is all about [A large red mallet nails Touji into the ground with Asuka smiling from the other end.] Asuka: Lift your head up and blow your brains out! [With a wiggle of her nose and a snap of her fingers, the spotlight over the cast activates on cue.] All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out! [The Rei chorus returns, but this time wiggle closer to the boy's face. Asuka blocks his view of the dancing Rei's right before the blood in the boy's nose reaches critical mass.] Asuka: Lift your head up high and blow your brains out [The boy loses the fight with his nose when Asuka joins in with the authoritative swinging of hips of the chorus.] Asuka: So take your life, instead of taking it for granted I'm thinking you should can it [Kensuke whips out a detailed diagram and pie charts.] Kensuke: I think I'll help you plan it [Kaji, still in his cardigan sweater, puts a reassuring hand on the boy's shoulder. The boy cowers away.] Kaji: Live today like it's gonna be your last Hang out, blow your mind, have yourself a gas I hope you take this the wrong way And misinterpret what I say Rewind and let me reverse it Backwards like Judas Priest first did [Everyone steps away to make room for Gendo emerging from darkness seated at a desk, his hands interlaced in front of his face and uttering total jiberish.] Gendo: Iliovar feeb idrayob fehc ruoy tae dna pu ekaw dlihc lived Iliovar feeb idrayob fehc ruoy tae dna pu ekaw dlihc lived [Asuka hops onto Gendo's desk, taking out a gun and busies herself polishing it. She gets off the desk and is joined by Kaoru blowing his trumpet. Asuka waves the gun around dangerously as the song enters its final chorus. Everyone takes cover.] Asuka: Cause life is a game that no one wins But you deserve a headstart the way your life's goin' [Asuka swings, Kaoru ducks.] Asuka: So throw in the towel cause your life ain't shit No take that towel and hang yourself with it [Irritated, Asuka swings once more with fervor. Kaoru ducks and still keeps blowing.] Asuka: Life's short and hard like a body-building elf So save the planet and kill yourself If your feeling down-and-out with what your life is all about [Asuka finally connects with Kaoru, knocking him off his feet and ruining his trumpet. She smiles satisfied and moves into the boy's face once more.] Asuka: Lift your head up and blow your brains out! [A spotlight flips on over a shooting gallery full of moving, metal targets resembling the boy in different states of dress. The redhead takes aim as the cast sings.] All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out! *BANG!* [The boy cringes as a target goes down.] All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out! *BANG!* [Another target goes down.] All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out! *BANG!* [Yet another goes down.] All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out! *BANG!* [The final target goes down and the boy finds himself staring at the barrel of Asuka's gun. She leans in, her smirk engraved on her face and presses the weapon into the boy's forehead. Finally, she leans even closer and whispers.] Asuka: Lift your head up high and blow your brains out [The boy closes his eyes, waiting for the trigger. To his surprise, the gun moves away and he feels a peck on the nose. The lights go out, leaving the boy the solitary figure spotlighted. He stares ahead vacantly for a moment, hiccups once, falls over, and the view fades to black.] Congratulations. The End. ^^Notes:^^ Nothing, really. I mean what do you want me to say? **Disclaimer:** EVA is property of Gainex The song Lift Your Head Up High (And Blow Your Brains Out) is property of the Bloodhound Gang and Geffen Records. Thanks for staring at me funny and please come again... Bastion http://pweb.netcom.com/~bastion/index1.htm