From: Edward Peterson <tomorrowchilde@hotmail.com>
Subject: [Eva][FanFic] Shinji no Bangumi


Spolier Note: Takes place after episode 24.

Shinji no Bangumi
by Edward Peterson

	"No, of course you're not crazy, Shinji.  I see my father, too, all
the time."
	Shinji was more than a little puzzled Misato had said that.  For one
thing, she was usually never this open.  For another, he hadn't
suggested he *was* crazy.  It *was* his mother he'd seen on the train
today.  Right before the two people who looked suspiciously like NERV
personnel had pushed her off at the next stop.
	"On trains, on the streets, in Strategic Command, at the movies, in
bars," Misato continued her list of all the places she'd seen her
deceased father, "At the racetrack..."
	Hang about.  Tokyo-3 didn't *have* a racetrack.
	"So you see, it's really quite natural.  Especially since Kaworu
died.  You're just upset about that, that's all.  Hey, let's have some
coffee, huh?"
	Yes, Kaworu.  He'd murdered his best friend.  His best friend
was...hey, why wasn't Misato telling him not to feel guilty, or
talking about what a coward Kaworu was like she usually did?
	"You know, this UCC coffee is truly the best I've ever had," Misato
continued as she filled the filter.  "No other coffee could be good
enough to make me stop drinking, but UCC..."
	"Misato, what are you *talking* about?"
	"This coffee.  UCC coffee.  It's great, isn't it, Shinji-kun?  That's
why you always drink it."
	"I always drink it because it's the only brand that's ever around." 
Shinji began to think.  "In fact, I don't think I've ever seen any
other brands at the supermarket."
	Misato chuckled nervously.  "Yes, ah, well...Hey!  You know what I
was just thinking?  I was thinking about how great it'd be if there
were smaller models of the Evangelions.  Like about ten inches. 
They'd certainly be lots of fun to play with, wouldn't they?"
	Shinji was watching Misato talk, but it didn't seem like she was
actually talking to him.  She was staring off into space, almost
looking past him.  He turned his head.  It seemed as though she were
talking to that clock on the opposite wall.  The one with the shiny
tack holding the minute and hour hands on.
	"I bet Kensuke would love one of those!" Misato continued, grabbing
his arm and attention.  "But not just him-"
	Shinji looked at her.  "Misato, what-?"
	"Children of all ages would."
	"What-?"
	"Because, of course, such a product would have no small parts and be
safety tested for children of at least three or older-"
	"What-?!!"
	"Why, I'd gladly buy-!"
	"WHAT IN THE HOLY LIVING BEJEEZUS OF A HELL ARE YOU RAMBLING ABOUT,
WOMAN?!?!?!" Shinji shrieked.
	Misato let go of his arm and took a quick step back.  "I, I was just
saying that, as a conscientious parent I- I would buy such a product
for my child, if it existed, or if you were my child or-"
	"How would you know anything about conscientious parenting?!" Shinji
continued to yell, "Your father abandoned you and all the other
families around here are dysfunctional!" 
	"I-I-I-I-I-I-" Misato stammered.
	"Hey, Shinji!" Asuka shouted, throwing the door open and strutting
into the room.  "What are you doing you stupid coward?!"
	Shinji turned very slowly to Asuka, showing off a near-psychotic
grin.  "Aren't you supposed to be CATATONIC?!?"
	Asuka fidgeted and smiled nervously.  "I, ah, got better.  Wanna make
out?"

	High above the deep recesses of NERV, above the Geofront, miles above
where the tops of even the highest buildings in Tokyo-3 had reached
before the flood, just above the clouds, God was talking to some
people.
	Of course, the little caption in front of him didn't say 'God'.  It
said 'Director, Neon Genesis Evangelion'.
	"Well, the big news is that we'll be introducing the Sixth Child in
an upcoming episode," the Director said.  "A bubbly American blonde
who will serve as Shinji's new love interest."
	"That's all very interesting," the live-via-satellite anchorman said,
"But I think the folks at home are a little more interested about
what's going to happen with the Yui Ikari situation."
	"Ah, Megumi," The Director stroked his chin thoughtfully, something
which everyone agreed made him look very intelligent, "Yes, she was
quite tenacious, sneaking onto the set like that.  I was initially
quite upset.  She could have destroyed the entire show.  But, if the
show cannot adapt to unforeseen circumstances such as there are in
life, it would be a complete failure.  Therefore, I have agreed to
bring 'Yui Ikari' back on the show."
	"Amazing," the anchor blurted out, and quickly recovered, "That is to
say, you did such a thorough job of killing her off.  Bonding her body
and soul to the Evangelion like that."  Clips played for the audience
at home of Yui being loaded into Unit-01 as her four year old son
looked on, and then cut to behind-the-scenes footage of her being
loaded out the back shortly before the freak accident began.  "How
will you be bringing her back?" he asked.
	"Gendo downloaded her soul into a fully grown Rei body."
	"Brilliant," the anchor opined.
	"Yes," the Director agreed offhand, "I envision a touching family
reunion scene between all three of them."
	"Well, I'm sure the audience wants their chance to talk to you. 
Let's open up the lines.  Hello, you're on Shinjitsu."
	"You bastard!" the caller commented.
	"Ah, I think we remember this voice," the Director said to his unseen
peanut gallery.
	"I'm sorry," the anchor apologized, "Call-screening must have-"
	"No, no, it's quite alright," the Director said, "I'm more than
willing to speak to Ichiro.  Or would you prefer I called you
Kaworu?"  A picture of the pale, light-haired boy popped up on screen
for the viewers at home, soon replaced by an inset screen displaying
clips of Kaworu's scenes in episode 24.
	"You've got Shinji locked up in a ZOO, you animal!" Kaworu's actor
screamed across telecommunications lines.
	"Deft wordplay, to be sure.  However, I'm more than aware of the
dogma of your small but vocal protest group.  Might I suggest that
you've already more than established yourself in the global
spotlight?"
	"This isn't about me!  It's about what you're doing to Shinji! 
You've got him on the fast track angst-train to hell!"
	"It's a voyage of self-discovery," the Director shot back calmly. 
"Shinji now understands himself better than any of us do ourselves."
	"If you want self-discovery why don't you all get off your asses and
discover yourself yourselves?!"
	"And what of you?  You've clearly been 'discovered'.  You've received
offers for, what, *sixteen* different prime-time series?  Even a
sitcom deal.  And all it took was to overact and ad lib your way
through one episode."
	"I didn't-!"
	"You overstepped the bounds of your character!  Who told you to hit
on Shinji like that?!"  The picture-in-picture dutifully showed the
scene of Shinji and Kaworu in the baths.  "Thanks to your melodrama we
had to waste our last Angel to kill you off!"  The screen showed
Kaworu clenched in Unit-01's fist, then switched to behind-the-scenes
footage of the entry plug being flooded with knock-out-LCL and Kaworu
being replaced with a grinning dummy before Shinji woke up. The
Director surrendered to his rage, "YOU NEARLY WRECKED MY VISION!"
	"GIVE ME MY BOYFRIEND BACK!"
	"BITE ME!"

	Shinji looked around, moving Unit-01's head to and fro.  It *had* to
be in this direction.  Of course, he hadn't actually seen where they
were going when they took him there last time.  He'd been too busy
being briefed and there were no windows in the hellicarrier.  But from
the direction they took off in he was sure Old Tokyo was this way.
	Still, he looked.  Nothing in the distance.  Nada.  No land, just a
whole lotta water.  Damn it, the ruins were huge, even if they were
partially submerged.  He should be able to see *something*.
	The hell with it, Shinji decided.  After years of deep thought and
introspection, he'd finally come across a philosophy he liked.  'The
hell with it'.  Asuka and Misato were babbling like idiots.  The hell
with it, leave.  His father wanted to see him; something about his
mother.  The hell with it, he'd had ten years to do that.  Shinji
hated everything and everyone in Tokyo-3.  The hell with it, steal
Unit-01 and take off.  Yes, this worked *much* better than 'I musn't
run away'.
	So now he was trying to get to Old Tokyo, but Old Tokyo wasn't where
it was supposed to be.  The hell with it, go there anyway.  Unit-01
stepped into the water and started walking.  A meter or two later it
was completely submerged.  Wait, was he using the alpha or beta
equipment?  The hell with it, keep going anyway.
	Far above the 'ocean' which hid Shinji, God was swearing about faulty
camera equipment and what a distraction personal appearances were. 
Not that Shinji knew that.
	Unit-01 just kept walking and walking, utterly submerged, until it
became clear that it was no longer so.  Shinji looked at his
viewscreen and sure enough, there was clear sky before him.  Unit-01's
head was above water.  Then its shoulders.  The its waist, and legs,
and most of its feet.
	Shinji looked down at those feet as they continued walking.  It
seemed, from where he was, that they were walking on water.  There was
no dry land anywhere too be seen.  Just water and sky, stretching out
to the horizon-
	THUNK.
	Unit-01 hit something.  Hard.  Shinji stopped the mechanical giant
and looked forward.  Sky.  Water.  Or, to be more accurate, the
horizon.
	And Unit-01 was casting a shadow across it.
	Shinji reached out with Unit-01's hand and touched the sky.  It was
made of granite.  Granite painted like a huge mural of the sea.
	Of course, Evangelions could punch through granite.
	There was a wall in his way, Shinji told himself.  The hell with i-
	"SHINJI IKARI!"
	Shinji stopped.  He spun his Eva around to the source of the booming
voice, and found nothing.
	"SPEAK THROUGH YOUR COM-CHANNEL," the voice instructed him.  "I CAN
HEAR YOU."
	Two things.  One: Only the highest echelons of NERV personnel knew
the Evas' com-channel frequencies.  Two: He knew where the voice was
coming from.  Up.  Way, way up, above the clouds.
	"Who are you?" Shinji asked.
	"I AM THE CREATOR," the voice said, "OF A TELEVISION SHOW WHICH
EXPLORES THE DARKEST DEPTHS OF THE HUMAN SOUL, AND CONFRONTS PEOPLE
WITH THE TRUTHS HIDDEN WITHIN THEMSELVES.  I HAVE CREATED A WORLD FOR
YOU, SHINJI.  A WORLD DRENCHED IN PESSIMISM, WHERE ANY TRACES OF
OPTIMISM HAVE BEEN STRIPPED AWAY, IN THE HOPE THAT IN TIME, THAT WORLD
WILL CHANGE."
	Shinji took a moment to swallow that.  Then he asked, "And who am I?"
	In his sound booth, the Director smiled.  "You are the star."
	Unit-01 just stood there on the water.  The Director wondered between
comments why he hadn't thought of *that* image before.
	"Shinji," he said in a calm tone that was somewhat lost in its twenty
million-decibel conveyance, "You can't leave.  Not yet.  When I first
introduced you, you were a coward.  And Misato, she too was running
away, by losing herself in alcohol and shallow relationships.  You
were the complete antitheses of the typical 'heroes' of an adventure
story.  But the audience accepted you, because you speak to something
deep within us all.  And you have changed, and evolved, and learned so
much about yourself in the process.  What true heroism you are capable
of.  Why you act as you do.  Who you are.  What you want.  What you
have that is worth living for.  And everyone who watches learns with
you.  You can't leave yet.  How much more is there for you to learn
yet?  How much more is there for you to teach us?  The world out
there, it simply isn't conductive to such things.  It's full of
distractions, and devoid of challenges to make you face these truths. 
You can't leave, Shinji.  You know that."

	Miles away, a pale, light-haired boy watched his television set with
crossed fingers, begging whomever it was that was running the Big show
to let Shinji go free.

	"Well?" the Director asked the immobile Unit-01.
	"Well?" he again asked the still-immobile Unit-01.
	"Well?" he yet again asked the yet-still-immobile Unit-01.
	"Well say something, God damn it!  You're on television!" he yelled
and Unit-01 looked up.
	It turned around and faced the wall.
	It stood there for a moment.
	And then...
	"The hell with it.  I'm running away."
	The wall exploded loudly from the giant fist's impact.  A few seconds
later there was an Eva-sized hole in the wall and the purple machine
vanished through it.

	Miles away, the pale, light-haired boy disappeared out the door of
his apartment building.  He wasn't exactly sure where he was going,
but how hard could it be to find a hundred-foot purple robot?
	
	Back in the studio, people were, understandably, upset.
	"Um...does this mean that 'His and Hers' thing is a go?" one of the
camera technicians asked.
	"Ssh, it's too soon," whispered another.
	The Director slumped in his chair and tossed his mike to the floor. 
A terrific boom washed over Tokyo-3.  The Director ran a hand over his
face.
	"Er, sir?" a female technician asked hesitantly, "What are we going
to do now?"
	The Director didn't bother to look at her.  "Clip show," he
muttered.  "Throw together something with narration and
stick-figures."


Author's Notes
	The NGE-news show the director is on, 'Shinjitsu', is the Japanese
word for 'truth'. Used here because it's the truth about how NGE is
produced, as well as being an obvious pun.
	And the title, if it weren't obvious enough, means 'The Shinji Show'.

Ed Peterson
tomorrowchilde@hotmail.com
"If learning a foreign tongue helps me to become better at being a
perfect Makoto and taking away his women then I shall learn! 'Cause
when Princess Fatora sets out to conquer a foreign tongue it's foreign
tongue Fatora gets!"
-Princess Fatora