From: B.Zapf@t-online.de (Bastiaan Zapf) Metamorphosis Are you scared to be? Scared of what you see? Are you scared to change? Scared to rearrange? Clawfinger Misato was alone. Terribly alone. She drank her beer and threw the can away. "Damn." she muttered. She needed a friend. She took the phone and dialled. "Ritsuko?" she asked in the cutest of her voices. "I need a friend..." *** Ritsuko opened the door. "Misato? Come in. Will you now say what is up?" she sounded worried. "Of course." Misato entered. "Let's sit in the living-room." "Where's your husband?" "He's not in town. Big Buisiness." "Oh." Misato sat down at the table, while Ritsuko got some sake and two cups from the kitchen. "You look like you need a good, long talk." "Yes..." misato whispered. "Yes, I need." "What do you want to talk about?" "Just the old Misato blues..." Ritsuko poured some Sake in. Misato continued. "I am so alone. I can't live on this way." "What? What's so wrong about not marrying?" "It's not the marrying. It's love. Risuko, I need some love. I... I haven't ever told you... You think, I'm strong and independant, don't you?" "Yes, of course. You got lots of energy." Misato drank her Sake. "It's terribly wrong. I... I am weak, deep inside." Misato was at the verge of crying. "I /need/ a partner. Someone... who supports me... Someone holding me." "Hey... You have me and your other friends." "That's not the same. I just... need to rely... rely completely... share everything... you know what I mean..." "Did you come to talk or to have sex?" Ritsuko asked without changing her face. It was quiet for a moment. Then they both laughed. "Ooh. Yuck... I've done many things... But... Ah, no!" "You took me serious for a moment, didn't you? Well... talk!" "You know it all." Misato supported her head with one arm. "Tell me once more. It is for you, not for me." Ritsuko poured one more Sake. Misato drank hers. "Well, okay... I'm alone. I am terribly alone. I am in need of a partner. I need sex, I need love and I need a family. I feel incomplete. Like only half a human. I feel... cold." She merely whispered the last words. Again, her eyes got wet. She looked terribly hurt. Ritsuko came around to her, sat down next to her and put an arm on her shoulders. "Hey... What's up?" she asked softly. "Come here." She pulled Misato towards her. "Do you want to cry?" Misato nodded. And then her tears flowed. "I am so alone..." she cried. "When Shinji came to me... I realized... I need a family. I... I want to have children... I want to be a mother... I want it so much... Ritsuko... That longing... It's so terrible... I will never find a man." Ritsuko stroked her head. She felt her friend needed that now. Misato was tensed and stiff. Ritsuko felt pity for her. Misato was somewhat like the kitten that fell in the cold sea. So innocent, yet so hurt... "Of course you will find a man. Some day, one will come." "Some day... Some day! I don't want to age... I... I'm 29. I'd be almost 50 before my children were grown up... I want it now...." "Misato... You know... You may not force it... You have to wait." "But... Ritsuko... What shall I do?" She was crying again. "Wait. Wait for him." "And what shall I do in the meantime?" "Get drunk. Tonight, we both will kill every Sake bottle we find in that house. We will have a good cry together, and pass out far after midnight. I think you need that now. Promised?" "Okay. Promised." Ritsuko poured the cups full of Sake. "Hey! Two and a half mouthful!" "We don't want to celebrate japanese culture, we want to get drunk!" They drank. "And now tell me something of your past. Something to cry about." And Misato started to tell. *** Misato was 17. She was just starting to collect her first experiences with boys. One day, she fell in love terribly. She took hours to write him a letter. Her most important letter ever. Her hands shaked the first few attempts. Then she didn't find the words. Eventually, she got it right. She brought it to his house personally. A few days later, he met her. "Ah. Misato." he said. She smiled. "Is that all you have to say?" her heart beat like wild. "No... I... I got your... letter..." "Ah. And?" "I... I... I wanted to ask... If we could go out... some time..." "Of course." she was more nervous than she seemed. His hands shook even more. "How about... tomorrow evening?" "It's okay with me." "With me, too....." the boy said. "How about... this new restaurant... in the city?" "I heard it's fairly good." "I, too..." "How about 20:00?" "Okay." "Okay. Then let's meet then..." Her first date was a full success. She felt better than ever before. Back at home, her heart was still beating fast. She was so in love... They got closer with the weeks and months, and eventually, they shared everything. And with Misato, this meant everything. Finally, Misato felt satisfied. She found someone... She loved, she was loved... Life, pure, full dosage... *** "And what happened then?" Ritsuko asked with a heavy tounge. "I dumped him." Misato said. "No. We eventually divorced." Ritsuko looked into the third Sake bottle. It was empty. She got up to get a full one. Misato continued. "Our love faded away. My love faded away. I felt it every single day. One day I told him. I think I broke his heart. I made him cry for days." A tear ran down her cheek. "I... It still hurts so... But I believe it was the best this way... I felt so hollow, even with him... Like I was only acting love..." Ritsuko came back and sat down. "A sad story." she approached carefully what she wanted to say. Misato nodded. "Why did your love fade away?" Ritsuko asked. Misato shrugged. "Maybe because I got bored." "Hey, what did you expect? Eternal, fiery love?" she asked rethorically "Yeah. Something like that." "Do you think that is realistic?" "Maybe. With the big love." "Come on. You loved many. With how many ones did it last?" "With none." "see?" "Perhaps there had just been no big love." "You just cried when you told me about your first boy. You still love him more than you want." "No... I... I just remembered how sad I was." "Come on, be realistic. You broke your heart, too." Misato was quiet. Ritsuko continued: "You won't tell me you did never think of him again." Misato turned away. "Hey. Come here. I'm here if you want to tell me something." She embraced her friend. Misato turned back. Tears flowed. "Ooh. Come here." Ritsuko whispered. "You're really still more in love than you want, hm?" Misato nodded. "Poor Misato." "I always hurt other people..." "What?" "I'm so mean. I... I broke four hearts. No, five... This way..." "And?" "I... don't know... I... feel guilty... I don't know why... Back then I thought it was good... to prevent it from hurting worse... but now i'm not sure it would have hurt more..." "Misato... As I friend I have to say: You are guilty. But from where you should have known?" "I... was... so mean!" she was crying again. "So egoistic... So bad..." Her voice broke, leaving only sobs. Ritsuko couldn't stop her own tears. She felt Misato was needing her right now. She embraced her friend, pulled Misato against herself, gave her some warmth. She stroked Misato's warm face, her neck. Misato accepted her touches, pushed against her hand. Like a kitten being stroked. Together, they cried some time. Eventually, Misato calmed down. "I.. I don't deserve a friend like you. I... I am such a robot... I didn't listen to my emotions... and I hurt others... I... am so mean... Why do you care about somebody like me?" "Misato... I love you. You are a dear friend. And even if you were as faulty as you think, that's why we are humans. That is life, you know. You have to accept your faults. And your weaknesses. To seek others that can help you overcome these. That's being human. You can't live on your own." Misato cried more. "I... I always tried to live on my own... I was so wrong... I can't... I'm full of faults... I am so... so... immature..." Ristuko felt Misato relaxing. Her formerly tensed body went now limp and soft in Ritsuko's arms. Like if she dropped a heavy weight. "Yeah, Misato... Let it out... It's good for you..." Misato cried on. Long time. Ritsuko held her tight, cried with her, but also supported her when she felt too bad. Misato had just broken up with a part of herself. She needed a phase of rest. Like a newborn butterfly... *** Eventually, Misato slept in Ritsuko's arms. Ritsuko softly let her slide down onto the carpet. She went into her bedroom and came back with two cushions and a blanket. She put one of the cushions softly under sleeping Misato's head and put the other one next to it. Then she took her pullover and the trousers off, laid down next to Misato and pulled the blanket over their bodys. She cuddled against her friend. "Don't worry, Misato... I will be there whenever you need me... I will help you grow up..." ____ Well... Now that was personal... Very personal... Do I only think so or are my characters all alike? Perhaps they are all like me... Damn... I think i'll need one more story... Self-therapy by writing. (I'm just crying a bit. Said it was personal... Not directly, but metaphorical) I write some part of me down, I hope it will help me getting rid of it... Writing in english helps me seeing myself from a distance... Oh god, I hope I will get to write a more funny story the next time... But now over to something completely different: When do *you* write? I'm just able to if I completed everything else... After work, after being with my friends... If the day is over, I sit down and write... It's 2:06 AM currently (yawn)... I'll go to bed now... Good night. Basti P.S.: Spellchecked today once more, so the Timestamp was changed. Extra: Everyone cheered loudly. "Nooo." Misato complained. "I can't sing at all!" "Mi-sa-to! Mi-sa-to!" her colleagues screamed. Misato sighed and got up. "Promise you won't laugh." Everyone got quiet, when Misato stepped on the small stage. She typed something at the Karaoke Terminal and then took the Microphone. Soft guitar sounds rose from the stereo. And Misato started to sing. "dark horizons..." her voice was clear, yet full and deep. "come close to me... and magic... will be... my key" She felt the words pouring from her lips, waving through the room, filling the ears of her friends. She put every energy she had into the verses. "I will travel... through the gate... to be... the finder... of... my fate" Her beautiful alto rose higher as she sang the refrain. She could sing. She just never tried it. --- Thanks go to Therion for the lyrics ;-)