From: "Rakna" Lost Love By Alain Gravel http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Teahouse/2236/ This story is copyright Alain Gravel, 1999. Based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX. April 23rd 1999 ================================================ Lost Love Well. I'm back. I never thought I'd come to see you again. Yet, after all those years, here am I. Talking to you is as painful as I thought it would be. I had hoped I would have gotten over this with the years. Just some wishful thinking. You always had that damn annoying tendency to get under our skin. Even Wondergirl. Dammit! Look at what you're doing you jerk! Tears... Yes I'm crying! Because of you moron! Who would I cry for? Baka! Why did you have to do that? Why didn't you just leave me to die, instead of saving me? Why did you leave me alone? Don't you get it? I just can't live alone! I tried! God knows I tried! But I just can't. Do you know how much I suffered after you left me, all alone with my rotten soul? What was I to do? Everything dear to me had been taken away. My Unit-02. My Mama. My beauty. Even you. Yes you! You never got it, did you? Behind all the pain, behind the teasing, I loved you. I really did. I just couldn't show it. And you never gave me the change to do so. Don't even think about giving me your usual "I'm sorry" crap. You can't run from this one. Why did you have to do that? Why did a spineless jerk like you suddenly decided to become a hero? A hero... you... How ironic. Still, I would have like to see it. Sometimes I dream about it. I see in my dreams your mighty purple Unit-01, destroying one by one those goddamn EVA series I tried to defeat myself. Then I see the last one of them striking its lance right through your Unit-01's chest. And I wake up in tears. Maya said you continued to fight for an entire 20 seconds even after your heart stopped beating. Baka! Maybe you would have survived if you had accepted defeat... Why? Why? Was it because you loved me? "Mama? Why are you crying?" Yes. This is my son I'm hugging. All my hopes and dreams. My pride and joy. My savior. I'd probably be dead without him. If you wouldn't have been such an idiot, who knows... He could have been your son as well, instead of some anonymous guy who paid me a few thousand yen for some meaningless sex. It was the only way a useless one-eyed alcoholic like me could get the money for her next bottle of sake. "Mama?" "It's okay Shin-chan. Just hug Mama a big tighter." You heard right. It was only fitting that I should give him your name. Ikari Shinji. Yes. That's right. It was a lot of trouble, but I managed to have my name changed. I had to. I had to make sure that the old Asuka Sohryu Langley was dead. I couldn't let that bitch raise my son. "This is where you can talk to your father Honey. Here, he can hear you from his home in Heaven." "Really?" "Yes." He's so cute. Sometimes, I'm amazed at how he can actually look like you. But maybe it's just my imagination. "Ohayo, Otousan..." I hope you don't mind. But I thought it would be appropriate for him to have an honorable father. Look at me. The tears just won't stop. Will they ever? This is likely the last time I'll visit your grave. It just hurts too much. Sayonara Shinji. Until we meet again. ================================================ Oh my! I'm not sure where that came from. It's really quite different from 'The One I Love Is...' Maybe I just read too much dark fics lately and needed to have my own. Well, at least this one is out of my head now so I can work on happier things. Alain Gravel April 23rd 1999