From: "Kyo Tetsuei" <stevehsuis@home.com>
Subject: [Eva][FanFic] I Really Did

I Really Did

Kyo Tetsuei

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"Um, you don't seem too happy today.  What's wrong?"

     I cringed at the voice.  Quite honestly, this was the last person I
expected to hear at this moment.  I'd been sitting in the living room
for the last twelve hours, long since abandoning my room and the
horrible reality it held within.  I'd been pondering the point of
this pitiful thing I called my life.  And here Shinji Ikari walks in,
coming back from an outing with his two friends.  I knew he had fun - it
was written all over his face.  I didn't want to crash in on his
happiness.  I really didn't.  If so, then why did I?

     I yelled at him.  I blamed him for not knowing anything.  I
screamed at him, saying he wasn't special just because he had a mother
that was dead and a father that didn't care about his child.  Funny,
really.  All the people in this house are like that.  Another one of
Ikari's little games?  I wouldn't be surprised.

     I yelled at him.  I even went so far as to call him a moron, an
idiot, a spineless wimp.  I didn't mean to.  I really didn't.  And with
each new criticism, I saw his face, laden with my insults.  I sneered.
Inside, each one of those caustic words seemed like another twist of the
knife that was already imbedded in my chest.  I hated doing this to
him.  I really did.  But what hurt more was that each one of my insults
seemed to be aimed at myself as well.  It was then that I realized how
similar we really were to each other.

     I yelled at him.  I said the only thing he was good at was running
away from his problems.  I was screaming, blindly throwing things around
the living room.  Each one of my rants was coupled with another item
breaking.  I liked that picture frame.  Too bad it ended up
halfway in the TV.  I don't know how many things I broke, but I
continued screaming for a long while.  Afterwards, I calmed down, and
realized he wasn't in the apartment anymore.  He'd run away again.
Typical.

     Just as I walked into the kitchen to begin my own process of
running away, the phone rang with a call from NERV headquarters.  Shinji
had bumped into someone, and stumbled onto a street.  The truck driver
had no time to stop.  The doctor said Shinji died shortly after hitting
the pavement.  No prolonged pain for him this time.  Never again would
he have to be sent out into battle, fighting for a world that had given
him nothing but sorrow and loneliness.

     I spent the next few days in my room.  I didn't answer the phone,
I didn't answer the knocks at the front door.  I don't think she did
either.  Even before he had died, she was almost never at home.  I don't
blame her.  'Home' never seemed the same without him around.

     And I finally realized how important he'd become to all of us.  The
quiet, shy boy who never asked for anything from anyone.  All he wanted
was to be accepted; all we did was push him away.  I cared about this
boy, this boy that seemed so insecure.  I wanted to shelter him from all
the hurt and sorrow that this world seemed to have just for him.  I
wanted to whisk him away, take him to a place where he wouldn't have to
deal with all of these problems.  After today, however, all that will be
left of him is some wooden box in the ground, and a stone slab with his
name on it.  I hope that he's happy he can rest next to his mother.  At
least he'll be with someone that was able to show him love.

     I loved him, you know.  I really did.



Finis


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Don't ask me how.  The idea for this just popped in my head.  I opened
Notepad, and this popped out half an hour later.  I'd talked with one of
my prereaders about how Misato was after Kaji's death, and here is my
take on it.

Thanks to Dave Ziegler for his great input.  You're the greatest, man.
^_^  Also, I'd like to thank Voltaire and Ashii for their input on my
initial draft.  Regards to the Evangelion Fanfiction Mailing List for
their input as well.

Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by Gainax, not me.

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OMAKE!!!

I was screaming, blindly throwing things around the living room.  I
liked that picture frame.  Too bad it ended up halfway in Shinji's
skull.  I didn't mean to hurt him.  Really!


Another one??? Oh... fine.  (This one thanks to Voltaire)

I spent the next few days in my room.  I didn't answer the phone.  I
didn't answer the knocks at the front door.  I didn't even move when Pen
Pen brought in all of his penguin friends and started stripping me to
get a reaction.

Gomen.  Had to do that.

Kyo Tetsuei
PS: For all of you that _didn't_ notice.  The narrator is Misato.  NOT
ASUKA!!!  ^_^

Start: 08/13/01
Final: 08/22/01