From: "Rakna" For the Sake of Love and Duty A TOILI side story Authored by Godsend777 Assisted by Rakna Based off of situations created by GAINAX and Rakna Intended for "The One I Love Is..." website! DO NOT POST WITHOUT PERMISSION!! MY FIST OF DEATH WILL HURT YOU!! Started on July 1999 First pre-reader draft finished on August 8th 1999 Final draft finished on August 18th 1999 =========================================================== TUESDAY MORNING I remember it was just over two days ago that I didn't think much of mornings. Then, after I woke up near the lake with Hikari beside me, it felt good to see the sun. But that changed. Yesterday I was... I don't want to think about it. But here I am, staring outside at the morning sun, hating it for a reason I can't place. I wonder... Does Ikari feel the same way when he wakes up? * * * THE ONE I LOVE IS SIDE STORY For the Sake of Love and Duty "May God Grant Me Strength." * * * LATE SATURDAY/VERY EARLY SUNDAY: "Touji!" Hikari giggled as I walked back into the tent. She was still very drunk, and was waving something in the air. "Ah...y-you're awake." I said, blushing rather badly. The way she talked reminded me of a movie I had watched with Kensuke. Although I did wonder what she was waving in the air; it was hard to make out in the dim light. "Mm-hmm." Even drunk, she still had that innocent-little girl look. She smiled cutely, then threw what she was holding at me. I caught it; years of playing basketball had given me good reflexes; and studied it for a minute. It was a bra. More importantly, it was HIKARI'S bra. Then that meant... Yep, another look around showed that her shirt was lying next to the sleeping bag on the ground. And suddenly, she was beside me. She might not be as ample as, say, Misato, but she was definitely babe material. "Touji..." She said, trying to be seductive, I guess. Now I'll never actually admit this to anyone, but I have a very poor understanding of women. Especially women who are...well, horny. I'd seen the videos Kensuke had, but they all had poor acting, and were generally crap. Just two, three, sometimes four people going at it. While interesting to watch for a few minutes; they were to disgusting to sit through. Kensuke got a kick out of them, though. But back to the matter at hand... "I'm feeling lonely..." "Huh?" Yeah, I know. I'm stupid. "Stay with me. Please?" She looked so sad. When she wasn't yelling, she sometimes looked very fragile. But tonight, more than ever, she looked about to break. "O-okay." I stuttered out. I had always fantasized about what to do in this situation with a girl. Mostly, those featured Misato or sometimes Hikari, (very rarely Asuka) but right now I was totally inept. Perhaps it was the beer... "I-I love you..." Gah. I liked her, too, but for her to just say... say that! Of all things! AAAGH! "Y-you don't feel the same, do you?" If her face were made of glass, it would have just shattered. I didn't know what to say. I was just a dumb jock, someone who would rather beat someone up than admit I was wrong. After all, strength is easier to rely on than smarts. I was about to say it. I was about to just say 'I love you,' even though I didn't mean it. It would pacify her, and I wouldn't have to see this look on her face anymore. But I thought about what had just happened with Shinji. How hurt he was because Asuka had lied to him. Because she had tried to use him for her own personal grudges. Because she hadn't been honest with him... I didn't want that to happen to Hikari or me. Perhaps honesty would work best. It was worth a shot after all, since I had no other ideas. "Inchou..." I gently put a hand on her shoulder. I guess I had taken too long to answer, because she was crying to herself. "I don't know how I feel. I mean, I really like you." "Really?" "Yeah, but we're still kids, y'know? I don't know what love is. I'm only fourteen, after all. But I do like you. And I have for a long time now." "R-really!?" I couldn't describe that feeling I saw on her face after I said that. Someone once said that there are some things worth dying for, and at that moment, that look was one I would have died for a hundred times over. So of course I gave a dumb reply. "Really." "Touji!" She squealed before embracing me. I happily hugged her back, and then remembered that she wasn't wearing anything above her waist. After she kissed me, that was it. I don't remember what happened after it. Actually, I do remember, seeing as how it was my first kiss. (And hers as well I later found out.) I just get a little embarrassed when I think about it. We went pretty far, but not that far. I don't think either of us were ready for that kind of...love. When I woke up, I wasn't wearing anything except my boxers, and when I looked inside of Hikari's sleeping bag, I noticed it would have to be cleaned. After that, Hikari walked in, a slight smile on her face, and bent down to kiss me. Then we changed and joined Shinji by the campfire. We had some fun, but soon Asuka woke up, and we... well, we ditched Shinji. We were feeling good, and neither of us wanted it to end. Plus, they needed to be alone. * * * SUNDAY AFTERNOON "Do you think they'll be okay?" Hikari had asked. She had been very worried about Shinji and Asuka, more so for Asuka, since Hikari felt she didn't know how to express herself. If it was one of the things I always found attractive about her personality, it was her caring side. "They'll be fine." I tried to reassure her, although I felt that Shinji should be with someone. I remembered how he acted after that fight with the insect-like angel, and I was worried he'd do something stupid. I later found out from Rei's friend Hotaru that he had moved in with Rei. I wasn't sure it was a wise choice. It wouldn't solve anything, after all. But I guess Shinji needed some time to recover from that blow. Maybe it was for the best. After all, Rei would no doubt take care of him. Of course, perhaps I should be worried about him... "Besides, they need some time to themselves. They wouldn't want us to interfere, and they have to think about what has happened." I tried my hardest to sound confident and sure of myself, and I hoped that she would buy it. That was the truth. I know Shinji sometimes doesn't want to be with others. In fact, he once said that he was used to being alone. Also, I just didn't want this feeling I had to end. "I guess you're right. It's just-" "Hmm?" "They're so-" "C'mon, spit it out." I encouraged. What was she going to say that was so hard to get out? "They act like such children!" She finally exclaimed. I had to laugh. She gave me a quizzical look, but I simply dismissed it. "Hikari..." I said as I took her hand in mine, "We are just children. Me, you, and them." She blushed for a minute, then suddenly pecked me on the cheek lightly. A few people around us stared, but we ignored them. "I suppose you're right." She said softly. Then she looked around her a bit. "So what do you want to do?" I had no clue, so we headed to the park. * * * We cuddled on a bench for a while. I know a few of our classmates saw us, but we didn't care. We talked for a bit, and generally enjoyed ourselves. I even sprung for food for the two of us. Yep, it was a nice time. But our conversation started to go back to Asuka and Shinji. Mainly Shinji. I tried to go in other directions, but it just kept coming back to him. Then she asked a weird question. "What would you do in Shinji's place?" Like I said, it was a weird question. One I didn't know how to respond to. After thinking for a bit, (which isn't my strong point, as I've said before) I came up with the conclusion. "I would have run away a long time ago." "Wha-?" She had this strange look of surprise on her face. I can't quite describe it. Not like a deer in headlights, but one where the answer you know is right turns out to be wrong. "Inchou?" "Why? I mean, that doesn't seem like you!" "Have you ever been inside an Eva?" "Of course not! I'm not as stupid as Kensuke is to risk his life for that!" "Kensuke wasn't the only one who was stupid that day..." She gasped. I guess she thought she had insulted me. "I-I'm sorry, Touji." "Nah. You're right. It *was* stupid. And I'll sure as hell never do it again." "But why would you run away?" "Now, if I was Shinji; not me, mind you, I would have run away. I mean, he never speaks about it, but he has had it pretty rough." "I think Asuka has, too." She said, a sad look crossing her face. I never wanted to see it again. "Well, I don't know about Asuka, but I've seen Shinji practically have a nervous breakdown in that thing." "What do you mean?" "When he killed that angel... It was scary. He kept saying 'I mustn't run away.' over and over again. Then that big knife popped out, and he just screamed." "He screamed?" "Non-stop. For about a minute, which was as long as it took to kill the angel." "My God..." "After that, he just slumped over and cried. I wondered what from. I've heard him tell Kensuke that whatever the Eva feels, you feel. In fact, when that thing speared Eva- 01, I remember getting really nauseous. So I thought that was it for a while. But after spending a little more time with him... I realized that he was *really* messed up." "Touji! How dare you speak about your friends that way! What do you tell people about me!?" I blushed for a few seconds, remembering a few conversations I had with Shinji about girls, then quickly regained myself. "Look, it's the truth. No offense to him, but like I said, he's had it rough." "That's still-" "I mean, at least you and I have family members that love us. You have both your sisters and your dad. I've got Mari, my dad and grandpa. Even though they work all the time, we still get along." "The same with my dad. He works *constantly*." "But Shinji doesn't have anyone like that. Well, recently, he's had Misato, Rei, and Asuka. But the whole thing between Rei and Asuka is tearing him apart. He thinks about it constantly, and I think he's going to do something stupid if they don't lay off for a little bit." "I see what you mean. Asuka's pretty confident she's going to win, and sometimes tells me what she's going to do to get into his 'good graces.'" "Like?" This definitely sounded interesting. "Remember last night?" She grinned playfully, and winked. This was a side I had never seen before. The blush on my face was probably as red as a certain German girl's plugsuit. "I'm wondering how *you* can remember last night." I said without thinking. God, I'm a dumbass. "I wasn't that drunk!" She exclaimed. Then blushed deeply when she realized that people were again staring at the two of us. At least no students were around. "So," I began, slowly lifting my hands to her sides. "Do you remember THIS!!!" With a slight battle cry, I tickled her mercilessly. Mainly so she wouldn't worry so much about what other people thought. For as long as I've known her, I've never liked to see her worry. I mean, I've known her for at least six years, and never once did I like to see her worry. Of course, I never acted that way. Men aren't really supposed to after all. Soon, I stopped, and we resumed our cuddling position. She put her head back on my shoulder and shut her eyes. I guess she was still tired after being up most of the night. So I did what I admittedly wasn't good at; I thought. Then I reached a conclusion to the questions that Hikari had asked about Shinji. "Y'know..." "Hm?" "I'm proud of Shinji." "Huh?" "He keeps fighting, even though he has nothing to really gain. I know Asuka and Rei love him, but like I said, they need to let up. But even before then he would fight, and he never asked for anything in return. He still doesn't; except for the pay he requested. But that's understandable." "Touji...?" "But I'll never tell him that." "Why?" "Because...because that's something he'll have to figure out for himself." She gave a slight smile, and one of those looks that are just...worth dying for. She had pride in me. "Are you hungry?" I asked. She nodded. We had dinner, and that was the end of our day together. * * * MONDAY I stretched as I got up. I looked out at the sun and smiled. It was peaceful. And I was up early, which was definitely a first. I headed to the shower, the makings of a good day in progress. Of course, that didn't last. Tokyo-3 was a city renowned for bad luck. I went to pick up Hikari before heading to school. It was interesting, as it was the first time I had met her older sister Kodama. "So you're the Touji that Hikari-chan keeps talking about..." She said. She was a complete opposite to Hikari. Where Hikari was cute and innocent looking, Kodama looked like a hawk awaiting prey. She was tall, had short brown hair that was combed to her sides, and smiled very...wickedly. Come to think of it, Hikari had used that same smile yesterday... "Kodama!" Hikari cried while blushing. "Hahahaha! Oh, it's okay. Say, why don't you join us for dinner tonight, Touji? I'm sure daddy would like to meet you." "Ahh...well...ummm..." Oh man... on one hand; Hikari and food. On the other; massive interrogation and possible scrutiny. Hoo boy. "Touji?" Whoops. That was Hikari. Shouldn't have taken so long to reply. "Ah...yeah. Okay. What time?" "Oh...be here around 7 p.m. What you're wearing now is fine." She leaned a little closer. I backed away. "Hmmm... You really are kinda cute, you know." "KODAMA!!!!" "Heh. Kidding, sis." "Hmmph! Perhaps you should make your own lunches!" "..." "That's what I thought, Kodama!" Interesting. At least she wasn't blaming me for... "As for you, Mr. Suzuhara!" Spoke too soon. "Carry my books!" Sigh. "Y-yes, Inchou." As we walked towards school, I thought I could hear her sister mutter something about being carpetbagged... * * * We got to homeroom and talked for a while. Normally, Rei was the first one to class, but since she wasn't there when we arrived, we guessed she wouldn't be in today. So for the first few minutes, it was just the two of us. Then Hotaru arrived. She normally didn't speak to anyone except Rei, but when Hikari asked how she was, she, well, opened up. I was stunned. Her and Rei could have been sisters with the way they acted, and even to some extent, how they looked. But here she was, talking to us, about people seeing us in the park, and how Hikari was no longer on the betting table. It was weird. Then that last part hit me. "Betting Table!?" me and Hikari asked in unison. Hotaru immediately turned red. "Ah...perhaps I shouldn't..." "Oh, yes you should. What is it?" I asked. It was bad enough that Shinji had to worry about Rei and Asuka. He shouldn't have to worry about the rest of his class. "Well... you know Minami Kuno? The girl whose mother owns TendoCorp?" "Yeah?" Damn! Can't deck'em! "She...has a bet going on about who will get Shinji." "But what does that have to do with me?" Hikari asked. "Well..." Man, she was so red, her and Eva-02 could have been twins. "Ummm...of the main three people on the list, there was Rei, Asuka, and...Hikari." "WHAT!?" I screamed. Whoops. By this time, there were a few other people in the room. Whoops. "I guess Hikari's out of the running now, heh heh." She was laughing very nervously. "I'll...go sit down now..." She turned to leave, before slowly turning back towards us. "Suzuhara-kun?" "Huh?" "Ummm...Rei said in case you need to talk to Shinji, that he's staying at her place." "Oh. Okay, thanks." With that, she turned and walked away. Before I could think about Shinji being with Rei, the rest of the class converged on us about what happened yesterday. Hikari surprised me by kissing me quite nicely in front of everyone when someone expressed their disbelief in our relationship. Kensuke showed up with his camera just in time to tape it, the little freak. I was about to chase him down, but class started. Basically, nothing happened. Asuka never showed up, but that didn't bother me at all. I alternated between sleeping and threatening Kensuke about those pictures he took. At about lunchtime, I got a request to go to the office. * * * I remember walking into the principal's office and finding some NERV people there as well as the principal. He stood by the window, and never turned around. There were two men in black suits, and Dr. Akagi. I had met her once or twice before at Misato's, but she didn't seem quite like she normally was. She seemed like Misato had been when me, Kensuke, and Shinji had gone to meet Asuka. Calm, cold, and in control. It made me very nervous. She talked for awhile about the current situation the world was in, and a few other things I didn't listen to. I didn't know what she was getting at, to be honest. She just kept going on and on, and I just kept drifting further and further into sleep, when she finally said it. "Suzuhara Touji, you have been selected to be the next Eva pilot." WHAT!?! "Umm...what did you just say?" "I said you have been chosen to pilot Eva." She looked at me coldly, like there was no compassion at all on her face. This definitely wasn't the same person who partied with Misato on weekends. "Oh, no. Nonononono. I won't do it." I brought myself back to full attention. I needed all the thought I could muster for this fight. "You must understand that children like you are our last hope!" "Hey, look, this would create more problems for me than it would solve! Do you understand that?" "Such as?" "Well, not including the Demon's threats or Kensuke's constant questions, there are people who would be worried about me!" I stood up to face her. I couldn't lose this. "Those reasons aren't good enough!" She snapped back. "Well then how about the fact that I don't wanna DIE!" I screamed in her face. That shut her up. This would be the only advantage I had, so I guess I should push it. I plopped back down in my chair to get out of her space. "Look, we both know what Shinji has gone through in that thing." "..." "The only thing I've seen that thing do is cause pain." She actually flinched at that one. "It hurt my sister... She may never walk again..." "Your-" "I've seen Shinji practically lose it in there." "Well-" "Plus, I know it almost killed Rei a few months ago before Shinji arrived." "I-" "How many times has Shinji been in the hospital?" "..." "Or how abou-" "That's enough, Suzuhara." The principal. I had forgotten about him. "Dr. Akagi, it is obvious that the boy doesn't want to do it. I don't think that anything you say will change his mind." "...You're right. Will you please call up the next candidate?" "Next candidate?" I asked. "Yes. In case someone such as yourself refuses, we use the next candidate on the list. In this case, two of your classmates are candidates." "W-who?" My mouth suddenly went dry. What if it was Hikari? Or Kensuke? Even Hotaru? "You are not NERV personnel. You have no need of such knowledge." I saw the principal get on the intercom. Dr. Akagi was saying something about classified information, but I wasn't listening. My eyes were on the principal's lips. "Please send-" I couldn't. I couldn't let them choose someone else because I was afraid. I just couldn't. "STOP!!!" Everyone looked at me like I was insane. I was breathing heavily, my eyes were bulging, and I was standing up again. "I-" No. Don't say it. "I'll-" Don't! It'll kill you! "I'll do it..." NO! ARE YOU STUPID!?! WHAT ABOUT HIKARI!?! WHAT ABOUT YOUR SISTER!?! "On one condition." "Oh? What is that?" "My sister gets the best medical attention NERV can afford." "Hmmm... I'll have to run it through with the Commander, but that will probably be fine. Welcome aboard." She reached out her hand to shake mine. I didn't want to, but I was taught to be polite, to some extent. I took it and sighed. I hate this feeling. * * * I slowly drifted back to class. I was in no hurry to face Hikari or Kensuke, and I was damn glad Shinji and Asuka were both absent. I don't think Rei would have cared, but to be honest, I was glad she wasn't here as well. I didn't want to face any of them. I didn't want them to know. But most of all, I had no clue how I would face Hikari tonight. * * * "Touji?" "Hmm?" "Wake up, Touji." "Oh, hey Kensuke." "Class that boring?" He asked as he picked up his camera and began filming a few girls across the room. "Heh... yeah, something like that..." The girls were apparently interrogating Hotaru on Shinji's current whereabouts. I saw Hikari was there as well, providing damage control. "So what did the principal want?" The girls were now being more aggressive. Hotaru was actually physically hiding behind Hikari, who was asking them to stop. "Oh..." I was too tired to think up of a good lie, but I couldn't tell Kensuke the truth. He'd freak out, then everyone would know, and that would be it. And once Shinji, Asuka, and Hikari found out... "Is something wrong with your sister?" Kensuke asked, sounding like he was actually worried. I was quite surprised at him. He'd never shown much compassion for others before, since he is pretty much absorbed in anything military or mecha. "I mean, I wouldn't want you to beat up Shinji again, not to mention how you would feel." "Ah, well, she's getting moved to a better hospital soon, and...uh...she might have to go through some type of surgery for her legs... I'm not sure, so I'm...going to visit her tonight." "You just can't say you're worried, can you?" He teased. "Aw, shuttup, you little freak." I crossed my arms over my chest and said in the most manly way possible: "I'm a guy, Kensuke. We're not supposed to admit our feelings. It's just not manly!" "Oh, really, Touji?" Hikari said as she walked up with Hotaru behind her. "Ah... Inchou... I mean..." "Carpetbagged." Kensuke muttered. "YOU SHUTTUP!!" I screamed. "And if I remember correctly," I said, rolling up my sleeves. "You have some pictures I want!" "Touji Suzuhara! Sit down this instant!" "Sigh... yes, Inchou." "Good. Now you realize that you and Ayanami are on cleanup duty this week, right?" Oh, geez, and I wanted to go see Mari... "Hey, Hotaru, you're being social today." Kensuke said. "Umm...well..." Man, she blushes at everything, doesn't she? "They wouldn't leave her alone, so she's with me." Hikari declared. "They should have some more consideration for others personal space!" Then she plopped down right on my desk and caressed my head. "Hmmm... So, it's study session, I guess." "Yeah," Kensuke began, once again filming the girls in the corner. "Hey, how are you gonna see Mari? I mean, with cleaning after school, and you still haven't eaten lunch." "YOU haven't eaten lunch!?" Hikari asked, surprised. "Nah..." "You don't look so good Touji... Do you have a fever?" Man, she was worried. She put her hand up to my forehead, then to hers. "Mari's... going to be transferred to another hospital..." "Oh, Touji, I didn't know! Do you want me to get someone else to take this week's cleanup?" "No! I mean, no. That wouldn't be fair. I'll be fine." How could I tell her that I needed to be alone? Plus, it would give me time to think about what to say to Mari, when I told her the good news about better care for her. "I can help!" Hikari suggested. Please don't make this hard. Think Touji, think! "Don't worry about it, Inchou. Besides, who's cooking dinner at your place tonight?" "Oh, that's right. If I don't, no one else will..." "You're having dinner at Hikari's tonight? Man, Touji, you move fast!" That earned him a quick smack from both me and Hikari. "Besides," I began again, rubbing the part of my fist that had impacted against Kensuke's head. "You don't really think that Hotaru is going to be left alone on her walk home, do you?" "No, probably not..." "W-what do you mean?" Hotaru asked. This time, she actually looked afraid of the people. "Well, if they're *really* curious, which they probably are, than they might follow you home and try to pry it out of you." "I-I see..." "And if perverts like Kensuke here-" "HEY!" "-follow you home, then it might get worse." "Oh, my." She sighed. "Don't worry, I'll walk you home!" Hikari said cheerfully. "Th-thank you..." "It's okay." She smiled. Then she turned to me. "Dinner won't be ready until around 7:30, with homework and everything else I have to do. Will you be on time?" "Of course, Inchou. I mean, I actually got up early this morning, so I can be there on time." She giggled. It was so nice a moment. Now more than ever I couldn't say anything to disturb her. I wanted her to be happy. I didn't want her to be sad. I just wanted to see her laugh like that forever. Then I wondered... Is this love? I didn't know. But just watching her smiling... It makes a guy wonder sometimes. * * * Everyone finally left after the bell rang, leaving me alone to clean up the room. Hikari walked Hotaru home, Kensuke wanted nothing to do with cleaning, so I was alone. I sighed in relief. Now I had time to think about what to say to Mari, and time to think of an excuse to give to everyone else. But first things first... I pulled out a bento Hikari had made me for today. I didn't eat lunch today, and despite what was going on, I was hungry. So I popped the lid off and prepared my chopsticks. A little note fell out from the lid. I picked it up and read it. "Touji-Chan: "Thanks for being honest on Saturday night." Oh, man. This didn't make things any easier. * * * "Touji-niichan!!" "Hey, Mari! How are you?" "I'm fine!" She squealed as she pushed the wheels on her wheelchair over in my direction. "She's such a good little girl." The head nurse, a brown- haired lady in her late twenties, (and quite attractive, too, I might add) said. "Well, I'll leave you two alone." I lifted her up, being careful not to disturb the bandages on her abdomen and legs. She giggled with delight, this little girl with black hair, pulled back into pigtails almost like Hikari's. She had a cute face, and she looked so much like mother, it was scary. When she grew up, she was definitely going to be a babe. "Wai! Wai! I wanna fly!" She screamed. I lifted her higher, and she outstretched her arms like she was flying. I noticed, as I usually did when I lifted her up high, that her legs still hung limp from her waist. I hated seeing that. The angels did this to her... Those bastards! "Nii-chan? Are you okay?" "Huh?" I set her back down in her wheelchair, and readjusted her nightshirt. "Yeah, I'm okay. In fact, I have some good news for you." "Really!? I have good news too!!" She said as she smiled. "Look what I can do!!" She looked down at her legs, then her left leg started slowly moving. She lifted it up until it stuck straight out, before letting it fall down. Then she did the same with the other leg. I was spellbound the entire time. It was amazing! When she was first brought here, the doctors said she had little hope of ever walking again. But now she was moving her legs! And when she got to NERV's special hospital... "Mari-chan, that's great!!" "Mmm-Hmmm! What's Nii-chan's good news!?" "Well... You're going to go to a better hospital. You'll get better care, and it will just be... better, really." "Wow! Yay!" She pumped her hands in the air, and screamed with joy. It was then that I realized I was crying. "Nii-chan...?" "Mari..." Oh, man. I was gonna lose it on front of my little sister! God, I felt so pathetic. "What's wrong?" I got up and wiped my eyes. After closing the door, I put her in bed. Then I pulled up a stool and sat down beside her. "Touji-Nii-chan?" "Mari... You know those big robots?" "Yea! Like the one Shinji-nii-chan pilots!!" "You've met him once, Mari. Are you sure you should call him that?" "I like Shinji-nii-chan! He's nice." No sense in arguing with her. She always wins, anyways. So I wiped my eyes and began to talk again. "Well, I'm going to pilot one of those big robots..." She fell silent. She knew that it was Shinji that had hurt her, but she also knew that without Shinji everyone would have died. But what she knew most, from the one time she met Shinji and from what I always told her about the Evas, was that they brought pain to those in them. "W-Why?" She asked. "To get you into better care..." "I DON'T CARE!!! I DON"T WANNA LOSE MY NII-CHAN!!! I DON'T WANNA LOSE MY BIG BROTHER!!!" "Mari..." She grabbed my shirt and buried her face into it. "I don't wanna lose you like mommy..." She whispered. "Mari-chan..." Five years ago... I didn't want to remember. Not now. "Not for my sake..." She begged. She sounded like mom, too. "Please don't. What if you..." But she didn't finish. She just started crying again. I wrapped my arms around her head and spoke again. "Remember how sad Shinji looked?" "Mmm-Hmm..." "I don't want to see others like that." "Nii-chan?" "Plus, well, there's this... girl..." She brightened up immediately. "Nii-chan's got a girlfriend!!" "Uh... well..." "Nii-chan's got a girlfriend! Nii-chan's got a girlfriend!" After screaming a little, she finally calmed down. "But I don't want you to get hurt." She said. It came out flat, almost monotone. Mom used to get like that, too. "I won't, Mari. I promise." "Really?" "Really." * * * "Touji, what's wrong!?" "What do you mean, Hikari?" She had apparently been waiting by the door for a while now. "Your eyes are all red... Have you been crying?" "Of course not! Some car blew by me and got some dust on my face!" Damn! I didn't mean to sound that angry! "S-sorry, Touji..." "Oh, no... it's okay... I'm not angry at you, just at that car." Man, haven't even been going out for a week, and already lying my ass off to my girlfriend. Sigh. "I just want to make a good impression on your family, that's all." I added. That was true. After all, if I was going to be under the spotlight, I definitely didn't want to look bad. "Oh. Umm..." We stood there for a little while, uncomfortable with each other. I made a mental note to not raise my voice at her again. Ever. "I'm sorry for yelling, Inchou." "It's okay. Why don't you come in?" "Okay." * * * The rest of the night went nicely, even with everything going on. Her dad seemed like a nice guy, and didn't interrogate me too much. He just did what most fathers of girls did and made a few thinly veiled threats and such. But even then he didn't seem to be serious. Kodama was the one who did the real interrogating. After making it her God-given job of embarrassing Hikari and me, she settled down and acted quite nicely to me. Nozomi, Hikari's little sister, stayed relatively quiet. What surprised me was the fact that she looked more like Hikari than Kodama. Weird. Hikari served dinner, then helped me to fend off her father's and Kodama's verbal attacks. Around this time, I noticed that Hikari and her sisters seemed to take place of their missing mother. Kodama mentioned that she handled the finances, Hikari handled the cooking and general welfare of the others, while Nozomi took care of the cleaning. It was weird. Especially since there was nothing like that in our family. Well, aside from the ruthless interrogation and constant glances from her dad, I had a good time. After dinner, we talked a little about meaningless things, then about family. Apparently, Hikari's mom had died only a year before mine. We talked a little about my sister, and about Tokyo-3. Hikari frowned when her father mentioned moving. So did I. Then the talk died down, and I had to get home. Dad would be home soon, and I needed to talk to him about... what was going on, I guess. I said my goodbyes and Hikari walked me out side. "Are you okay?" Hikari had asked as we made our way out to the street. "Yeah... just worried about Mari..." And I was, just not as much as other things. I'd hoped she didn't ask further, because I didn't want to lie to her again. "She'll be fine, Touji." She said as she gently took my hand. "She's got you to care for her." "Inchou..." She slowly stepped up on her toes and softly kissed me on the lips. "I've always loved your caring side, Touji-chan..." She whispered in my ear. "H-Hikari..." "Good night." She let go, stepped away, and made her way to the door. "Ummm... Inchou?" "Hmm?" "Thanks for dinner." I smiled the best I could, despite how nervous I was. Amazing. We did all that stuff just a few nights ago, and being close to her still gave me goosebumps. "Anytime! I'll see you tomorrow." With that, she smiled, and skipped into the house happily. Watching her be like that, with that beautiful smile on her face... It made me wonder again. Was this love? * * * I walked into my house and put my key away. It was nearly 10:00 PM, and I was tired from the day's events. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Dad would have to wait until tomorrow. "Touji." He said, causing me to drop my glass in the sink. Thankfully, we only own plastic cups, so nothing broke. "Heh. Did I scare you?" "You scared the hell out of me!" I reached into the sink to get my glass back out. "I thought you were-" "I know what happened today." "D-dad?" Damn! They must have called him! I told them to let me tell him! "We have a betting pool at work." He began, taking his seat. "A friend of ours works in Section 2. We bet on when the Evas are going to finish repairs, how long battles last, the Major's sizes, that kind of stuff." "Dad?" "Imagine how surprised I was when today's pool, the one dealing with who the next Eva pilot was going to be turns out to be my own son." He smiled. This skinny, forty year old man, who's barely home, who barely has done anything since mom died except work himself to near death, smiled. "We also found out the reason." I looked down. I don't know why, but I felt ashamed. "You think highly of your sister, Touji. I'm glad." He smiled again. "Dad?" "But you don't have to pilot if you don't want to." "Why?" "Because, you're my son." I blinked. I knew he loved me, but I just didn't get what he was trying to say. "I know those things cause pain, son. Me and my staff keep tabs on the pilots, and we know what goes on." "..." "I don't want to lose you like your mother. I don't want you to get hurt like your sister. I just want you to grow up and be happy." "..." "Children are not soldiers, Touji." "...And Mari?" "She'll pull through. She is a Suzuhara, after all." He smiled again. I thought about it. Dad had no problem with me quitting. And I saw how well Mari was doing today myself. She'll be out of there soon. I could just give up... And let someone else suffer. "I... I can't run away from this..." "Touji?" "If I don't do it, some other kid will!" I clenched the plastic cup in my hand. Now it was his turn to be silent. "So I can't be afraid. I... have to. Because that other kid might be a friend of mine." Or... "I see." He got up to leave the kitchen, before turning around. He was still smiling. "I'm proud of you, Touji." And then he went to bed. * * * TUESDAY (AGAIN) Well, no sense in whining my life away. Now that I think about it, maybe piloting Eva will be a good thing. I mean, Dad's proud of me; Mari will get the best care she can get; I'll get out of class... And Hikari can worry about me; I may die in angel attack; and I'll have to suffer constantly. At least I'll annoy the hell out of Asuka. Sigh. Better go and pick up Hikari. * * * "Don't worry about me, Inchou!" "But, Touji, come on! You've had a long face since you heard about Mari! And didn't you say last night that she would be fine?" "Well..." "So what's bugging you?" Her face... I can't describe it. She's so worried, it...it makes my heart ache. And all I have to do is tell her. All I have to do is... "Nothing! Don't worry about it!" "But..." I silence her by putting my hand in hers. "C'mon, we're gonna be late!" Then I start running, her hand in mine, towards the school. "Suzuhara! Since when have you ever cared about being on time!" She says, a slight smile spreading across her face. "Since my girlfriend's the Inchou!" She giggles. I laugh. And I successfully avoid telling her. God, I feel like Shinji. * * * Homeroom is boring as usual. Once again, the vultures surround Hotaru in an attempt to gather information. I notice that Kensuke is among them. What an idiot. Hikari manages damage control as usual, and is about to bring her over to me, when Asuka walks in. Then the room gets silent. She slowly walks over to her desk, then plops down in it. Normally, I wouldn't give a rat's ass about what she does, but today was different. Simply because she just looks so drained of all life. Eventually, I guess curiosity got the better of one of the guys, and he walks over to talk to her. He asks a few questions, which she doesn't answer. Then he put her hand on her shoulder to get her attention, I guess. "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" The entire class reels back simultaneously. "I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER YOUR DAMN QUESTIONS!! MY LIFE IS MY BUSINESS, AND ANYONE WHO WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT IT CAN GO TO HELL!!" Then, she just plops back down in the chair. Hikari goes over and does the usual Inchou routine with her. Asuka puts up with it. Hikari will be by her side all day, I guess. * * * "Look, Inchou, I just don't think I should be around her." "I know, but..." "You're her friend, right? Besides, I'll see you tonight, right?" "Well, yeah..." "Don't worry. We'll see that movie you wanted to see." "Really!?" "Yeah, my treat." Even if it was a chick-flick, it was still a small price to pay for lying about everything these past few days. "Okay!" She jumps up and gives me a small kiss on the cheek, then runs back to Asuka. * * * As I clean up the rooms at the end of the day, I realize how quickly today went. I guess depression will do that to a person. Man, I'll have to ask Shinji how he ever managed. And I'll have to stop comparing myself to him. Man, he's a nice guy, but me in his shoes... I smiled a little, before bursting out laughing. I have no idea why it was so funny, it just was. Probably because I couldn't picture Shinji in athletic gear decking some guy who... Who nearly killed his sister. Man. I sit down on one of the desks. I know I shouldn't have hit him, but I was so angry at the time! I look at the hand that struck him. I remember hitting him. I remember him falling to the ground, a slight trickle of blood from his nose. I remember walking away like I had done the greatest thing in the world. And then I remember him saving me and Kensuke, despite the chewing out he got. Despite the fact that I hit him. Man. Sigh. I finish up, so I can head for NERV Headquarters. And the entire time, the only sound that fills my head is the sound of my fist hitting Shinji. * * * "Touji?" "Yes, Misato?" "Actually, at work, it's supposed to be Captain Katsuragi, but since you're kinda cute, I'll let it slide." Heh. That feels good. But not as good as what happened when the escalator passed through the automatic door a second later, causing the wind to blow up her miniskirt even further. "Ohhh... I hate these things!" I try to stifle my laughter, but I somehow just can't. "You better have not seen anything, Suzuhara!" "Y-yes, Ma'am!" I salute. We both laugh for another second, before resuming our ride in silence. After a few minutes, she finally speaks. "Touji..." "Yes, Misato?" She turns around to face me. Out of old habit, my first glance is at her chest, but I correct myself before she notices. I guess being with Hikari hasn't dulled that part of me. "Why are you doing this?" She looks at me, pity in her eyes, and doesn't waver. "You're worried about how Shinji might feel, aren't you?" I reply. She smiles slightly. "So you aren't the dumb jock Asuka makes you out to be." "Asuka can go and bite me for all I care." "Now, now, Touji." "Sigh. Sorry. Anyways, to answer your question... I'm not really sure." "Hmm?" I look to the side of the escalator. The window nearest to me shows the sky of the Geofront. "I guess because I want to protect those around me." She smiles again. "Does... Shinji know?" I ask. "I... haven't told him." She looks out the same window I do. "I... can't tell him, either. I was hoping you could, Misato." "I can't hurt him anymore than he already is Touji. And I'm afraid this will hurt him more than help him." "Sigh." We both ride in silence for a bit longer. "Misato?" "Hmm?" "Just why does Ikari have to be such a wuss, anyways?" She giggles, then an evil grin appears across her face. "Hey, when you said that you wanted to protect others, was there anyone in particular you meant, Touji-KUN?" Oh, man. Here we go. "Misato, I have no-" "Oh, c'mon Touji! I know you and Hikari slept in the same tent during the camping trip!" "How-" "Asuka told me." Oh, MAN... * * * Being at NERV was kind of like being at school: Both were either very boring or you were subjected to excruciating tests. Aside from the physical, blood tests, hair tests, urine samples, then long periods of waiting, followed by more tests, there was one good thing about the entire afternoon. Dr. Akagi told me that Mari would be going in for microsurgery sometime next week! Apparently, the Public Relations Department jumped on the opportunity to help those who had been hurt during the Angel attacks. In a month or so, all the surgery should be done, and she'll be up and walking again! I was so happy, I smiled for the rest of the testing. * * * I was still smiling when I met Hikari at the theater. Actually, I was early, so I bought two tickets and counted the cash they had given me. Since Shinji had requested a regular salary, and all the pilots were getting paid, they decided to give me a little 'sign-on' bonus. I had roughly 5,000 yen because of it, which was fine by me. Not only would it last me a while, but I could also get Hikari something nice as an apology for not telling her about what's been bugging. A little smile crossed my face. She arrived, and greeted me by kissing me quickly on the lips, which was becoming our standard greeting when we were alone. Amazing how much she changed in the past few days. She used to be shy, and at some moments she still was, but now she was more open. Especially when it came to physical contact. While we hadn't done anything on par with what happened Saturday night, we still enjoyed having at least some flesh to flesh contact. Even if it was just holding hands. "You seem to be feeling better, Touji." She said as we walked into the theater. "A little." We took our seats and the movie began. However, apparently we both lost interest, because we soon found ourselves making out in the back of the theater. It's a good thing movies aren't very popular in Tokyo-3, since no one likes to really go anywhere that doesn't have immediate shelter access, because we started getting into some... heavy petting. To be honest, I was just about to unhinge her bra, when I heard a familiar noise. I looked up to the screen to see what it was, when I saw the leading man standing over he bruised and beaten body of his best friend. Any interest I had in making out died in that moment. "Hikari..." "Touji, what's wrong!?" She cried as she pulled her shirt back down. "I better walk you home." * * * I went straight for my room the minute I got back into the door. Hikari had questioned me the entire way home on what was wrong, but I just kept my mouth shut. As I dropped her off at her house, I gave her a quick kiss on the lips and told her not to wait for me tomorrow. And now, as I lay in my bed, I try to get some sleep. It doesn't come. * * * WEDNESDAY I arrive late to class, but I'm too tired to care. I was up all night thinking. About Hikari? A little. About Mari? A little. But mainly about Shinji. The teacher thankfully ignores my lateness. Hikari looks at me, and I offer her a quick smile. I try to throw a little apology in there, but it doesn't seem to work. I notice that Rei is here today, but Shinji is still absent. As usual, she seems oblivious to what's going on around her. It seems she's going to be like this all day, that is, until she turns to look at me. She stares at me for a few seconds that felt like minutes, before going back to the view outside. How does Shinji manage to not be intimidated by that gaze of hers? After awhile, the lunch bell rings, and everyone heads their separate ways for an hour or so. I head to the roof to try to sort my thoughts. I can't understand why I'm thinking about Shinji so much! It's just too weird. I look at my hand. The hand that hit him. Twice. 'The Evas bring pain. That's why I don't like them, Mari.' The conversation he had with my sister. I remembered it now. I had dragged him to meet her, because he was too scared to go. But she begged me to get him there so she could say thanks. Not that it had any real effect on him. He still blames himself for hurting her. 'C'mon, Ikari! Don't be such a wuss!' I was being a wuss right now, wasn't I? 'Why are you doing this?' Misato's question. I had said to protect the ones I loved, but was that really it? Was there something more? I know that I didn't want there to be any more kids like my sister. I know that I wouldn't be able to face my classmates if one of them had to do it because I wussed out. I know that I - "Suzuhara-kun?" "Ayanami?" "Hai." She wasn't wearing her usual emotionless face. Today... today it seemed like pity. "What are you doing here?" I asked. Probably in the same emotionless voice she normally uses. After all, I was too tired to really show much of anything. "..." "You know, don't you." I ask as I turn around to face her. She nods, very slightly. I never noticed it before, but Rei is very... attractive. I can kind of see what Shinji does when he looks at her. That mysterious beauty he always talks about. "Does Shinji know?" "I... have not told him..." "I see... so I guess everyone is a wuss..." "I do not understand." "Misato can't tell him. You can't tell him. I can't even tell Hikari, let alone him..." "..." "How's he holding up? Is he still lamenting over what Sohryuu did?" "... I have been trying to keep him... preoccupied with... other pursuits..." She turns away for a second, and I could swear she was... blushing? "But he is otherwise fine. Although I feel Sohryuu may still complicate things more." "Heh. I won't ask. Shinji and his girl troubles." "You are worried about him as well Suzuhara-kun." "... Yeah..." "Why?" "Because he's my friend. He's my only *real* friend." "How so?" "Because he put me before himself, even after -" The sound of a fist hitting a cheek rings throughout my mind. "- after I hurt him." "Is that why you are depressed?" "Yes." "Do you feel that because you have hurt him in the past that you are not worthy of his friendship?" "No, but..." "Then why are you like this? Why are you depressed?" "Because... he's had it rough, I guess. I mean, my life's no picnic either, but I can say that I have had it better then him." I turn back to look at the city. "I know he's going to freak out when he hears I'm piloting. And I know I'll have to hear him whine about how much pain the Evas bring. Not that I think he's wrong. I know they bring pain, I've seen him experience it. But I can still say that my life has been better than his." "Then why did you accept to pilot Eva?" "I dunno. That's the big question, I guess." I rest my arms on the railing, trying to relax myself. Talking like this with Ayanami is very... uncomfortable. "I can find a few reasons, but I'm not sure if they're worth going through this for..." I look down into one of the classrooms and catch sight of a few of the students gathered around a desk, laughing with each other. "I'm not sure if they're worth getting killed..." "..." "Ayanami..." It turned again to look at her. "Yes?" "What's your reason?" "My... reason?" "For piloting Eva." The quick answer I expected, like 'I don't know,' never came. Instead, she looked over to the horizon, as if deep in thought. After a minute or so, she finally answers. "I used to pilot because I had nothing else. I felt my purpose in this world was to pilot Eva, to save NERV." She down to the ground, a slight smile appearing on her face. "But now, there is Shinji..." "So you pilot because of Shinji?" "Yes. I pilot to protect him from the angels. The angels can destroy mankind, and if mankind dies, then Shinji will die also." "But... what if he dies while piloting?" Something that resembled a frown appeared on her face. "He will not die." She said, the frown slowly being replaced with determination. "I will not let it happen." "So you pilot for him." "Yes." An image of Hikari; her joyous smile, flashed through my mind. I had said that was a vision worth dying for. Were those really words? Or could I actually put my life on the line for her? Then I think of Mari. Of the life she has ahead of her. She will walk again. And she will continue to smile. Father. He was proud of me. We never got to talk much anymore, but hearing those words... And Shinji. Would piloting beside him help lessen the pain of Eva? A friend that understood him, that could help him. Piloting Eva. Can I do this? A person that only knows how to beat up people weaker than me? People like... People like Shinji. "Ayanami... I don't know if I'll make a good pilot. I'm not battle-crazy like Sohryuu. I'm not dedicated like you. I'm not sure if I'm even as strong as Shinji. In fact, I don't even know why I'm doing this!" I scream the last part out, somewhat unconsciously. I... I'm about to cry again, aren't I? How pathetic! "You have a kind heart and a strong will. You will do fine." She turns to leave. I stand there, gripping the railing with all my might, trying not to let my emotions get the better of me. And then I realize something. "Ayanami?" "Yes?" "Thank you." She smiles slightly, then walks away. I hope that Shinji chooses her. * * * Tokyo-3 seems so... deserted right now. Even though it should be almost rush hour, few people are out. I wonder why? Oh, well. It just adds to my mood. I probably should have at least stayed for the remainder of class after talking with Ayanami, but I just couldn't. Not with this much to think about. And especially not with this much to do. I look at a clock in a nearby store, and it tells me that it's 3:00 o'clock in the afternoon. Have I really been out that long? Have I really wandered the streets, being depressed, for almost three hours? Man. I make my way to the nearest park, and sit down on the closest bench. I look up to the sky for direction, and see only clouds floating by. I feel like that right now. Floating. Floating in a direction I'm not sure I want to go. I need to know. I can't throw my life away for... for nothing... No. It's not nothing. I have a reason. I'm just not sure if it's a good one or not. 'You have a good heart and a strong will.' Do I really? Can I do this? I NEED assurance, dammit! I need to know! But how can I find out? I can't ask Hikari if I love her. I know she loves me, but do I love her? I can't tell Shinji about it. That would only make matters worse. The same with Kensuke. Rei's already given me her opinion, and Mari and my dad have already told me how they feel. Is there anyone else? A person crosses my mind. Someone else who might know what else to do. But there's no way in hell I'm talking to Sohryuu. Sigh. I need to know. How? It wasn't until eight hours later that I would finally find a way. * * * "T-Touji!?" "Ummm... Hi. Can I come in? It's kinda chilly." "Of course! But what are you doing here!?" She looks happy and worried to see me. I guess I should have stuck around class instead of skipping it. I notice that she's wearing her pajamas, a nice little Chinese dress that hugs her body... in a way I wish I did. I fight back the blush on my face as she gives me a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Why did you skip class and leave early! Where have you been!?" "I'm sorry..." "You better be! Not only was I worried, but you still had cleaning duty! Me and Hotaru had to do it since no one else would!" She crosses her arms over her chest and gives me the glare. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." Her face softens when she sees my regret. She takes my hand in hers, and caresses it gently. "Touji... what's wrong?" God, that look. It's so... heartbreaking. I don't know how I'm keeping such a straight face. "Can we talk somewhere a little more privately? I don't want the rest of your family to hear." "It's okay. Nozomi's in bed, Kodama's at some party, and Daddy's at work until tomorrow morning. We can talk here." She gives me a slight smile, which brightens my spirits a little. I try to find the strength to tell her, but I just can't. "Here..." I say as I reach into my pocket. "I picked it up earlier today, when I walked by the mall. I... thought of you when I saw it." I bring it out, a small brooch in the shape of a little girl with pigtails. "Oh, Touji! It's so cute!!" She pick it up, and begins to place it on her evening shirt. "No, let me." I take it out of her hands and carefully pin it to her dress. After a little fumbling out of nervousness, I manage to do it correctly. It's a miracle I didn't stab her. "Thank you!" She jumps up happily, and it comes to my attention that she's not wearing a bra. Then she suddenly kisses me on the lips. Very passionately, too. A few minutes later, we finally disengage. "Thank you again, Touji-chan." She whispers in my ear. Then she takes my hand and leads me back into the house. It isn't for a few seconds that I realize we're heading back to her room. She must have forgotten why I came here! I can't let her do this! I have to tell her! "Hikari..." "Yes?" "I came over to apologize..." She turns and gives me a confused look as she opens the door to her room. "What for?" "I'm sorry I've been so out of it lately. It's just that..." Oh, god! Not again! I held it back when I was with Ayanami, but I can't lose it now! But it's too late. The tears spill down my cheeks. "I can't say it..." I whisper aloud. "Can't say what?" She asks, a strange look of horror crosses her face. Then it becomes full out fear when she comes to a conclusion. "Oh, God. You don't like me, do you? You just said you did so I didn't get hurt, didn't you?" She starts to cry, and turns away from me. I reach out and grab her by the arm, and pull her back to me. "Inchou..." I say as I look her straight in the face. "I do. I DO love you." and I did. Truly, I did. No one else has made me so happy, even when I've been so down. No one else has accepted me these past few days like her. And no one else has that smile of hers. No one. "Touji?" "Inchou. I really love you, okay." I wipe the tears from my eyes, then wipe them from hers. "You've made me really happy these past few days, despite everything." She hugs me tightly, and starts to cry again. "Oh, Touji... do you really?" "Of course! How many times do I have to say it?" "Just once..." She releases me and kisses me on the lips again, this time lightly. "Thank you..." She says as she buries her head in my chest. But it doesn't make my problem go away. "What did you want to talk about?" She asks, her head still buried in my chest. "Something... that could be really bad... may happen." "Oh my God! Is Mari okay!?" She asks as she shoots upright in my arms. "Yeah. Actually, she'll benefit from it. But I..." I push her away from me a little to speak with her more clearly. "Hikari, I..." I look to her eyes for strength. "I-" I look to her smile for resolve. "I-" I look at her face for the will to say what needs to be said. "I-" I don't find it. Instead, I find the one person in this world I would fight all the devils in hell for. The one person I would never want to hurt, or see hurt. And then I find my answer. "Hikari, I can't say right now what I need to say. I came here to find an answer to my problem, and I did find it. But I'm still scared. I'm still worried about what might happen to me because of it. But I at least I have the answer I needed." I smile at her with the best smile I can manage. "Thank you." She nods back, a little confused, but otherwise happy. "I'd better get going. I shouldn't be out this late." I kiss her on the cheek, then get up to leave. "Touji?" "Hmm?" "You said you're still scared, right?" "...Yeah..." "Can I... help you a little?" She looks at me shyly, as if unsure of what to do next. In the end, she takes my hand again, and leads me back into her room. * * * THURSDAY MORNING I board the transport with a slight smile on my face. I know I hadn't meant it to go that far last night, and I'm pretty sure Hikari didn't either, but the feeling of holding her in my arms this morning is just too precious to forget. It's a shame I had to leave to avoid being caught by her family. Even after I arrive in Matsushiro a few hours later, I'm still smiling. Even during Dr. Akagi's training lecture, I'm still smiling. "Wow, Touji, you look happy." Misato says as she leans against a wall. "Mm-Hmm!" "Why's that?" She asks as she tries to sound sultry. Apparently the morning has not been too kind when you have to drink yourself awake. "I just found a good reason to pilot." I reply. "Wha?" As she stares at me confused, I go into the changing room to put on my plugsuit. * * * I stare up at Eva-03, this monstrous black and white creature that I have to pilot. Surprisingly, I feel no fear. Because I now have a reason. "Mari..." I start to walk towards the umbilical bridge. "Father..." I climb onto the loading platform. "Shinji..." I climb into the entry plug. "And especially you, Hikari..." It twists into the Eva with a slight hiss. I smile, despite the nervousness in my stomach. "I'll do what I can to keep you safe." The lights turn on inside the plug. "All of you." * * * OMAKE (extra) I woke up, pain tearing at every fiber of my being. I had a headache, my mouth was dry, and I was sick to my stomach. I couldn't move my legs, and I was stiff as hell. Also, I seemed to be... lighter. But before I could contemplate those feelings, I noticed Hikari crying in a nearby chair. "I-Inchou...?" I said, weakly. "Oh, Touji!" She cried, before hugging my body. I gently stroked her hair with my right arm. Apparently, it was the only one I had left. "WHY!?! WHY DID YOU DO IT!?!" She screamed. "Well..." "Shinji told you how horrible it was! You saw how many times he got hurt because if it!" "I-Inch-" "But you still did it! Why, Touji!?" "Hi-" "YOU ALMOST DIED!!!" "Hey!" I snapped back. "How was I supposed to know Misato's cooking was that bad!?" =========================================================== WHOO-HOO!! AUTHOR'S NOTES!!!!! Hey, everyone. This is the part I speak about stuff that pertains to the fic and its creation, yadda yadda. Well, to be honest, I really can't find much to say. But here's what I can find. 1. I had Hikari's sisters' names backwards. The younger one is Nozomi; the older Kodama. This has been rectified. 2. Special thanks go out to Alain, who did over half the Rei scene, as well as multiple other places with which he helped out. (Play a game!! See if you can spot them!!! Winners get a free Fanzine!!!!) 3. The name "Mari", for Touji's sister, was taken from the famous "Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut", by the equally famous (and talented) Andrew Huang. Aside from that, I enjoyed this. It was a challenge. Touji isn't the easiest of people to get into, but I tried. And the only thing that it cost me is the fact that Hikari's now my dream woman. DAMN YOU ALAIN!!! Just kidding. No pre-readers were harmed in the production of this fic. All pre-readers used were Alain's. And thanks to those that read this.