From: yuna@csnsys.com (Miharu Nakatani)
Subject: [Eva][FanFic] Distance
X-Moderation-Queue-Date: 1 Jun 2001 18:50:50 -0700

Foreword: It's been a very long time since I posted to either RAAC or
the FFML.. let's hope that a few of you remember me. I'm probably the
most well known as "Katsuragi Misato", the author of the first (and
incredibly awful) Evangelion lemons way back in the day, under than
name I also did some decent MSTing of other Eva lemons in an attempt
to be critical and witty at the same time. My lesser known works,
non-ecchi, were done under the simple name of "Miharu", in a time
where only three other people on Earth knew of Gasaraki. ;p If you
would like to post commentary or conversation about this piece, I ask
that you email me directly, for I don't really check RAAC and I'm on
vacation mode on the FFML. Also, I believe a certain Phillip Masters
(if he's still in one piece) needs to get a hold of me.. and yes, this
foreword will likely be bigger than the fic..


Distance - a Neon Genesis Evangelion blurby (like these are rare..)
A Studio Cham/Shoujo Robot Production
by Miharu Nakatani

You just left me. Though I pushed you away, I'm still have the right
to cry. Why couldn't you stay with me, tell me the words that I need
to hear? Of course, you say, it's only business... you leaving for
Germany. Gehirn. Bullshit.
You've always been that distant, that exterior too hard to crack. Why
couldn't you let me in? I know I have my protective walls as well, but
at least I have the capacity of getting hurt. You are simply a fort.
Maybe I'm angry, or sad.. or maybe I'm just disappointed. Frustrated.
I really don't know.
Laying back on my bed, I put in my ear buds and slip an old Depeche
Mode MD into my minidisc player, hitting the play button on remote
stick. The music starts playing. 'There's a thousand reasons why I
shouldn't spend my time with you. For every reason not to be here, I
can think of two. To keep me hanging on, feeling nothing's wrong,
inside your heaven.' That verse triggers my tears and angst again.
You're not the perfect man, but I still love you as if you were. I
know I shouldn't, but you're so perfect although flawed almost beyond
repair.
No. I don't love you. I can't anymore. My heart feels like it's made
entirely of scar tissue, like it won't ever function right after being
with you. It feels like even you couldn't repair it, not that you
would. I can't ever let you back in.. it would kill me. You and your
playboy ways.. that crooked smile.. that God awful ponytail and
scruffy face. The days and nights spent in between soft sheets and the
smile that would inevitably creep upon your face in your sleep. The
way you would make my heart smile. The way that you would destroy it
in one word. The times that your emotional distance would bring me to
tears when I was alone.
I don't think I ever want to see you again, but I still pray for it.
Goodbye, Kaji.

end of blurby

***

Uh.. I'm venting, leave it at that. Email me if you desire:
yuna@csnsys.com
webpage is no longer at csnsys.com/yuna but at http://shoujorobot.com