From: "Alex Gray" This is a short little fic in which Ayanami is asked a question to which she does not know the answer. It is supposed to be "artty piece" Assume all usual legal disclaimers etc... Cheers Alex E-mail - mailto:hitomi@ndirect.co.uk WWW home - http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Subway/7630/ ============================================ Contemplations. Neon Genesis Evangelion and its characters are property of Gainax and are used without permission. Rei absent-mindedly brushed her hair from her face as she looked out over the blue green sea. The sounds of the rest of her class as they larked around meant very little to her and as per usual she had ended up by herself. She spent a brief moment wondering about the reason behind this field trip but dismissed it as irrelevant. Neither of the Second or Third children were here and the only reason she had to come here was at Misato's insistence. The captain seemed to think that it was necessary for her to keep her education on track with school requirements. Rei did not care either way. She had been told to come so she had come. However, now that she was here she did have to admit that she found the smell of the sea, the cool wind and the endless motion of the water to be soothing. She did not feel the strange need that the others seem to be indulging in of throwing sand at each other and splashing in the cold water. Why the other school children felt like doing that she could not even guess, but that was not her concern. Slowly she turned away from looking at the waves and began to walk along the beach. She headed for a set of black granite rocks that strutted defiantly out into the ocean. It looked to be a bit of a walk but it would help to pass the time. The walk took her slightly longer than expected and it was not long before the sounds of her class mates was lost in the crashing of the waves on the sandy beach. Rei looked at the looming formation before her. She spotted a suitable perch from which she could look out at the surrounding area and slowly began to climb. It was a bit of an effort but Rei chose with route with care. Finally, with a last mad scramble she reached the little lip of rock from which she could look freely around. She wiped her sandy hands on her school uniform and balancing carefully looked out around her. The scenery was simply stunning and Rei inhaled deeply the moistened sea air. She felt strangely relaxed and free as she simply stood with her eyes closed feeling the wind on her face. One of her very rare small smiles lit her face and for the first time she was almost glad that she had come. "Relaxing isn't it Ayanami?" a young voice suddenly said behind her almost causing Rei to lose her balance. She recovered and turned to face the speaker who had so surprised her. The girl was slightly older than Rei and dressed in causal attire. She was not part of the school trip and as far as Rei could remember she had never seen this girl before. "Yes, it is," Rei replied. "Do you know how long it has been here like this?" the girl asked gesturing around her. "No," Rei answered the odd question. "For well over two hundred thousand years," the girl replied. "Long before Man had even evolved a language. It has simple stood here - waiting. It was here long before Man was civilised and will be here long after Man has evolved on. For it, the whole of Man's history will be little more than a tick on a clock. All the wars, the religions, conflicts and love will be gone - with nothing remaining. It is a thought that helps put things into perspective, don't you think?" "Why?" Rei asked. The girl shrugged, "what is the moment to the eternal. And what is Man to the face of God." Rei did not answer, there seemed to be little point to this discussion so she turned and looked back at the swelling of the sea below. "Do you believe in God Ayanami?" the girl asked after a moment. Rei took a moment to consider the question. What did she believe in? She knew that the Angels were supposed to be messengers of God but they were fighting the Angels. She had heard that God was a power of love - but the Angels only bought destruction and chaos. So what did that make God? "I don't know," Rei replied truthfully. "I don't know what I believe in." "You could believe in yourself," the girl suggested. "Why?" Rei questioned the girl. "Why do I need to believe in anything?" "Because if you do not believe in anything then why fight? Why live? You do believe in something, the only problem is that you just do not recognise what it is." "Oh," Rei said and took a moment to consider what the girl had said. Why did she fight? She fought because HE told her too. She went to school because HE expected her to. HE... "See," the girl said. "You do have something to believe in." "Perhaps," Rei said thoughtfully. "Ayanami... Ayana..." the faint voice calling out was distorted by the wind. "I think your teacher is after you," the girl said with a nod back at the way Rei had come. "Perhaps you had better be getting back." "Yes, I suppose I had," Rei replied and turned to start the descent down. "Rei," the girl said just before Rei passed her. "Why do you follow him so devotedly?" That caused Rei to pause - why? Why did she obey him so completely? Why was HE so central to her life? "...nami..." "You had better be going Rei-chan," the girl said softly. "Thanks for the little chat and think about what I have said. You may find you have more than just one thing to believe in. Go on now child." Rei nodded and started on her descent. She stopped and a slight frown cross her face. Why? That last question still needed an answer. "Why..." Her question halted in her mouth. The girl was gone as if she had never been. Rei blinked. How could the girl just have vanished? The only way down was the path Rei was taking. It did not make sense. She... "Ayanami..." "Go Rei-chan," the soft voice spoke again and Rei obediently nodded and returned to her descent. The question of why would have to wait for another day. **End of Contemplations From: "Alex Gray" This is a short little fic in which Ayanami is asked a question to which she does not know the answer. It is supposed to be "artty piece" Assume all usual legal disclaimers etc... Cheers Alex E-mail - mailto:hitomi@ndirect.co.uk WWW home - http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Subway/7630/ ============================================ Contemplations II Neon Genesis Evangelion and its characters are property of Gainax and are used without permission. "Clack... Clack... Clack..." The sound of the tracks as the train passed over them was almost hypnotic. "Clack... Clack... Clack..." At odd occasions the power to the lights would dim and fade as the train passed over a junction causing a power spike to occur now and then. The carriage's single occupant did not pay any attention to the fitful lights, or to the gently swelling motion of the train as it pulled into the brightly lit but silent station. "Shoku-ku station. This is Shoku-du station. Please change for..." The seated figure automatically filtered out the recorded voice and waited for the train to move off. Three sets of warning chimes sounded briefly before the doors hissed shut and the train moved off again on its worn path. As the carriage passed out of the range of the station's bright lighting it became once more condemned to its own uncertain illumination. "Clack... Clack... Clack..." Five more stations, the figure noted in passing. Five more stops until it would be necessary to get off and start the fifteen minute walk back to the apartment. A shower, some food and then bed - another day finished. Wake up at 6:00am... The same schedule day in and day out. The same schedule, the same routine, waiting until yet another Angel attack called the figure back into the grim reality of battle. School, tests, training... Nothing changed, nothing ever changed. Life was like clockwork, ordered, routine, static. "Dull, boring, and a complete waste of time," a soft voice commented with a melodramatic sigh. "You really do need to get a life Rei-chan, don't you?" The sound of the voice echoing in the dead silence of the carriage surprised the figure. She turned her colorless face around to try and identify the source of the voice that should have not been there. "Hello again Rei-chan," a gaijin girl sitting halfway down the carriage said with an amused expression dancing on her face. A slight frown passed over Rei's white face as she recognized the girl from that odd incident at the beach over 3 weeks ago. A puzzled expression flicked in her eyes as the gaijin crossed over and sat down on the seat next to her. "It's you," Rei stated as she looked up at the slightly taller figure sitting beside her. "The girl from the beach." "That's right," the gaijin congratulated her. "How have you been doing?" Rei did not answer. She was still puzzled as to how the red haired girl had gotten here. "I got on at the last station," the girl replied. "In fact, I came specifically looking for you." "Why?" Rei asked as her puzzlement increased. "To see if you had an answer to my question," the girl replied crossing her legs and leaning back. "That's all." "What question?" Rei was confused. Why would someone come just especially to see her? "Regarding Him of course," the girl replied as if that explained everything. "Oh," Rei said as she finally remembered. "That question." "Yes," the girl sighed as if she were having to explain something obvious to a little child. "_That_ question." "No," Rei shook her head. "I have not thought about it." "That's a pity," the girl commented. "But somehow I don't feel surprised." "Why?" Rei asked. "Does it matter?" "It may do Rei-chan," the girl shrugged. "But the question is yours to answer not mine. If you do not wish to answer it then I won't force you, anymore than I would have forced Yui..." Rei frowned, "Yui?" The name sounded strangely familiar to her. "Mmmm..." the girl replied. "Yui..." "Who..." Rei's frowned increased. She was beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable about where this conversation was heading. "Ah, you don't remember do you Rei-chan?" the girl's dark green eyes held Rei's red ones. Rei could see herself reflected in those emerald depths... or was it her? The reflection was older, more mature, more... Rei's eyes narrowed and she leaned forward to see better. "Rei..." the girl whispered the word as if the name was a careless caress shared between lovers and with a hand gently pushed Rei back. "That would not be a very good idea. You are not yet ready for that. Soon perhaps, but not yet." "Your eyes..." Rei mumbled completely losing all her usual dispassionate reserve. "I saw... I mean..." The girl just smiled, genuinely amused at Rei's lost look. "Nothing Rei-chan - you saw nothing." "Who are you?" Rei asked. She was beginning to get agitated... and slightly afraid at the expression that was beginning to be born on the stranger's face. "Why?" the girl grinned maliciously. "Does it matter?" "Tell me," Rei almost begged. "Please, I... I... need to know..." "Tell you what?" the girl said still grinning. "The answer to my question," Rei replied with a flinch as she saw the cruel enjoyment that the other girl was getting out of this. "What question?" the girl giggled and Rei pulled back startled. "You're mocking me," she bravely said. The girl's face suddenly became vicious and a pale hand suddenly held Rei's slim neck in a vise like grip. "I never mock anyone Ayanami - no one." The girl's voice was cold and an insane darkness lurked in her cruel eyes. "Never." Rei's normally stoic expression flickered as she felt an irrational fear pass through her. This girl was... Rei quivered as an unknowable feeling overwhelmed her. The girl noticed the reaction and smiled ironically. She let Rei's neck go and gently caressed it. "I'm sorry child," she said as if nothing had happened. "Sometimes I tend to... forget myself. My apologies, I did not mean to do that." Rei gulped as she took a moment to recover herself. She knew what this girl was now. "You're an Angel aren't you..." Her voice quivered slightly as she felt the fear and rush of adrenaline begin to stir something deep within her. A strength flooded her body as _something_ began to rouse itself in reaction to the perceived threat. The girl looked at the hardening expression on Rei's face and sighed. "Oh child... I did not come here to fight..." Rei's red eyes were darkening as a palatable strength began to fill them. The girl just shook her head slightly and then blinked. The green eyes met the red and Rei gasped as the rush of strength was suddenly gone, almost as if it had been ripped from her soul. "No Rei-chan," the girl said with an expression of inhuman delight glittering in her eyes. "I am most definitely NOT an Angel. I have never worked for any other being other than myself. Besides, my nature is not really suited to something like that." She leaned forward and her rich dark eyes trapped Rei's, "completely the opposite in fact." "Then what are you?" Rei was still more than a little frightened both by the hedonistic rush of power that she had just felt and the ease by which this... gaijin had so carelessly dismissed it. "Simply a minor Player in the Great Game of life," the girl answered with a dismissive shrug. Player? The term did not make any sense, but Rei knew that the girl had said it almost like a title. "Hashimoto Station," the recorded voice suddenly announced. "The next station is Hashimoto." "Well," the girl said getting to her feet. "This is my stop. I am sorry you have not thought about my question Rei-chan. You really should you know - I did not ask it for my own amusement. You may find that the answer is very important to you one day. And perhaps sooner than you think." She got up and walked over to stand by one of the doors as the train drew into the brightly lit station. "It's up to you Rei-chan," the girl said looking back. "It always has been." "I don't understand," Rei said as the train pulled to a halt. "And you never will unless you ask yourself about the question," the girl said pushing the button to open the door. "Wait!" Rei said getting to her feet. "I really do want to understand..." "Then answer my question," the girl replied holding the door open. "Why is He so important to you?" "I... I..." Rei felt a surge of uncertainty rush through her. Something... The girl watched with a faintly malicious humor on her face as she observed the inner struggle reflected on Rei's white face. Her question was designed to make Rei look at those dark places of her memory that she never consciously went - the dark places that were the pale girl's domain. With a final amused laugh the girl stepped out of the carriage and wandered off. "Wait!" Rei shouted rushing to the door just as it hissed shut. "Please!" She stabbed wildly at the button but the train shuddered and began to pull away. "Please..." The girl watched as the train and its single occupant slowly vanished into the darkness of the night. She smiled, this was beginning to get fun! "Don't worry Rei-chan," she whispered in the bright light of the station. "We'll be meeting again.. someday..." She turned and whistling slowly walked towards the exit. She still had much to do. (to be continued... may be) From: "Alex Gray" Assume all usual legal disclaimers etc... Cheers Alex E-mail - mailto:hitomi@ndirect.co.uk WWW home - http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Subway/7630/ ============================================ AUTHOR'S NOTES: This story is slightly sacrilegious in nature so if you read it do keep this point in mind. Although, that being said, it is true to the general ideas of EVA. * * * * Contemplations III of V _DOLL_ "I'M NOT A DOLL!!" Asuka screamed as the image of her mother faded and the horrifying light of the Angel continued to rape her mind of its inner most fears and needs. "PLEASE!! STOP IT!!" The alien consciousness of the Angel paid absolutely no attention to her shrieks as it slowly moved on like a hideous probe slowly pulling her mind apart. A probe that examined her most intimate memories, her most inner self in microscopic detail. Asuka screamed at the utter helplessness she felt as the Angel slowly defrayed the very warp and weft of her sanity, of her very soul. She was helpless, completely and utterly helpless, like a soulless doll... "NO!! PLEASE!! STOP!!" she begged as her sanity began to melt away. "MOTHER!! MUTTER!! Mother..." The inhuman music began to swell as it sensed that the end was nearing. The light... "Oh, do shut up you stupid Seraphin..." an annoyed voice suddenly said and immediately the music, the light, everything, was just gone. Asuka was alone. The music, the light, the inhuman consciousness of the Angel - it was all just gone. She was simply floating in a dark, endless cold void. "There, that's better Asuka-chan isn't it?" a bright voice spoke from all around her. "We can talk in peace now." Asuka's sanity collapsed. The damage that the Angel had done was too much. Her soul, her mind fragmented into themselves and the fabric of her very existence fell apart like so many... "You humans," the young sounding voice commented in an annoyed tone. "Sometimes I wonder why I even bother... Come on Asuka-chan, get it together." The only answer to the voiced request was a mindless shriek of horror as that being which had once been Soryu Asuka Langley disintegrated utterly and irretrievably. The voice giggled and gave a sigh of pleasure at the mindless sound of pain and terror that was screamed into the empty void. "Ah... Now that's nice... but unfortunately I don't have time for such amusements just now... Pity..." the voice sighed again and the screaming suddenly stopped. "I'M NOT A DOLL..." Asuka shrieked trying to stop the rape of her mind. "No, I know you're not," a voice calmly replied. "We have moved slightly beyond that point now. Come on pretty, snap out of it." The shrieking faded as it slowly dawned on Asuka that the Angel was gone, as was the light, the inhuman music and everything else. Her eyes widened incredulously as she saw that she was floating in an infinite dark void. "YAAA!!!" she screamed again as the complete absence of EVERYTHING threatened to drive her mad. "Not again," the voice said irritably. The endless void vanished and Asuka was now standing on a sandy bench. She looked about in utter panic completely unable to understand what the hell was going on. "Is this going to keep going on all day Asuka-chan?" the voice asked calmly from behind her. "Because if it is I will rapidly grow bored. Really, Rei-chan is so much more flexible..." "WHAT!?!" Asuka spun around yelling angrily. He eyes widened as she came face to face with a slender white skinned redhead dressed in a fashionable bikini standing a few feet behind her. Her voice died and she simply stared in shock. "Hello," the redheaded teenage girl said with a smile. "Are you feeling all right now?" "Who... What..." Asuka just about managed to say as she tried to make some sense of this insane situation. "Take a moment if you want," the girl advised with a bright smile. "I can wait." Asuka did exactly that. She took a couple of very deep breaths and looked around her. She was standing on a white sandy beach beneath a very warm sun dressed in her swim suit. Of her EVA and the Angel there was absolutely no sign. Asuka took another deep breath and then another. The air was warm and smelt of the sea. A cooling moist wind was blowing in from the sea and the rhythmic crashing of the breakers on the shoreline helped her to gradually relax. "Do you like this place?" the girl suddenly asked adjusting the large brimmed straw hat that she was wearing. "I can change it if you wish..." and the instant the words passed the girl's lips the entire scene changed and the two of them were standing in a lush forest glade. "Yaaa!" Asuka panicked as the sudden change of scenery made her fall over backwards. "Guess not..." the girl giggled and Asuka fell back onto the warm white sand. "The beach it is then," the girl confirmed sitting gracefully down on the sand next to Asuka. "I must admit, I prefer it as well Asuka-chan. It's much more relax..." "Who are you!?" Asuka yelled scrambling to her feet and assuming a defensive posture. "What are you!?" The girl adjusted her straw hat again and lay back in the sand. "Ahh..." she sighed in contentment. "I like this place. How about you Asuka-chan?" "Who _ARE_ you?" Asuka yelled angrily. "What am I doing here? Where is here?" "Who, what and where," the girl commented removing her hat and looking up at Asuka. "That's three very good questions but which one would you like me to answer?" Asuka took a good moment to look this strange girl over. She was... "Sam," the girl suddenly said holding up a slender hand and smiling brightly. "What?" Asuka exclaimed. "My name is Sam," the girl repeated still offering her hand. "Rei-chan did not seem to think names were important so I didn't bother introducing myself. You on the other hand do, and since I invited you here for this little chat it is only polite that I tell you who I am." "Sam..." Asuka muttered and automatically took the offered hand. "Please to meet you," Sam smiled shaking Asuka's hand. "Look, would you mind sitting down Asuka-chan? I don't really like looking up all the time it hurts my neck." Asuka took another deep breath. This was completely insane and could not be happening. "That's what some people might say about the Angels," Sam commented with a grin. "Different people experience different things. For example, I know a weird place where five girls go dancing around in skimpy sailor suits talking to cats and fighting the products of a deranged mind. It may sound insane but..." the girl shrugged. "The Multiverse can be a wacky place." Asuka sat down with a thump. Who was this... "Who," Sam said nodding her head. "I'll answer that question first then shall I?" Asuka nodded dumbly. What else could she do? "Well," the girl began. "To give you the potted version of my extremely long and boring life you might say that I was someone who has a... violent disagreement with the current administration running things. And as part of this, ah, disagreement I like to Play various... Games, I suppose you could call them. Games that tend to bugger up the long term goals of that administration. Do that help answer your question?" Asuka looked blankly at the girl's white elfin face. "Guess not," Sam replied with a sigh and then she smiled. "I know! You mortals tend to usually have a special name for me. It's usually something along the lines of something like the Corrupter, the Darkness or the Evil One. Does that help at all?" Asuka suddenly froze and stared incredulously at the attractive redhead sitting opposite her. "You're... You're... the Devil?!?" she almost shrieked in disbelief. The girl giggled at the expression on Asuka's face. "Him? No! Of course not!" she chuckled. "For one thing, I'm far older and..." she smiled demurely, "and I'm much much worse." Asuka tried to back away and in her haste fell straight onto her arse. The girl started to laugh with genuine amusement and Asuka shuddered. It was not a human sound but full of mockery and madness. Asuka decided that now was an excellent time to start screaming. "Oh, stop that," Sam giggled as she saw what Asuka intended to do. "I'm only joking you know. I'm not really all that bad. I just have a bad reputation in some quarters that's all. And besides," Sam sat up and looked at Asuka with a face that was stripped of all humor. "I'm not the one sending the Angels." The serious look in the girl's intense green eyes killed Asuka's scream better than a bucket of cold water. "What... What..." "What do I want of you?" Sam said wrapping her arms around her legs. "Is that what you want to ask me?" Asuka nodded. If she was going insane and she was talking to the... "Corrupter - please," Sam supplied with a wink. "That is the more accurate term." Corrupter, then... "Oh God," Asuka whispered. "Please..." Sam sighed, "Asuka-chan, I'm not your enemy. I'm not the one Playing with your world. I'm not the one trying to rape your..." It might have been Asuka's imagination but as the girl said this something almost unholy glimmered in those green eyes. It was something that caused Asuka to almost start screaming again. "...mind. And I'm definitely not the one who is going to turn all your kind to liquid goop just so that you can evolve into something worse. Believe it or not, I'm actually here to try and help you - if you will let me." Sam crossed her legs, "Rei-chan doesn't seem to want to listen to me - will you?" "Rei..." Asuka swallowed. "Rei has spoken with you?" "Yeah," Sam shook her head in disgust. "And what a waste of time that was. She's an intelligent girl but just refuses to examine the realities behind her own particular truth. I had hoped that you might be more reasonable. I believe in free will, and I'm not going to force anyone to look at truths they will not accept. If Rei can't accept the reasons for her particular truth then... Well, when she is finally forced to face the truths she is avoiding then the answers will probably destroy her. It's a shame but..." the girl shrugged dismissively. "That's her choice. The question is - will it be yours as well?" "Mine..." Asuka did not like the sound of that. "What do you mean - mine?" "I'm going to offer you a deal," Sam said shifting forward and focusing her green eyes on Asuka's blue ones. "It's not for your soul or any stupid shit like that. What I'm proposing is to let you and the one that you love most survive. In..." "Survive?" Asuka interrupted in a shocked tone. "What do you mean survive?" "I meant what I said," Sam gave Asuka an irritated stare at the interruption. "You and the one you most want will continue to live. What do you think survive means?" Asuka cowered slightly at the cold contempt in the girl's voice and swallowed. "The explicits are this," Sam continued more gently. "I will give trying to convince Rei-baka one more shot. If I fail, and I think I probably will, your race is essentially finished as you know it. However, if I can ensure that an Adam and an Eve survive then..." Sam smiled. "I'm sure you get the drift." "You mean you want me to..." Asuka's face went white. "Start the Creation myth over again?" Sam grinned at Asuka's horrified expression. "Spot on!" "Why!?!" Asuka demanded. Sam giggled, "it'll put a large spanner in some very grandiose plans. And I just love doing that! Makes me feel warm all over." The giggle became slightly insane sounding as the girl rubbed her hands together in glee. Asuka shuddered as the girl in front of her continued to giggle innately. This whole situation was becoming completely insane! Mankind was NOT going to die. They had destroyed every Angel that had been thrown at them and... "...they will continue to destroy, to conquer, blar blar blar," Sam finished mockingly. "Yeah, right. Mankind is the ultimate form of life in the entire Universe and the Angels are just little blips on your otherwise joyous horizon, etcetera, etcetera. Yip! I'm sure you're right Asuka-chan. I probably am just your imagination and as such I don't really exist. So, with that being the case what have you got to lose?" Sam grinned and put the straw hat back on her head. "This is the deal then - you and your love will survive. You will have children, of which there will be rather a lot, and at some remote time in the future I will return and ask one of your descendants a small tinsy favor." "Just a small favor?" Asuka asked this figment of her imagination. "That's all?" "Yip," Sam nodded with an impish grin. "It's a bargain ain't it?" She held out her hand. "Do we deal?" Asuka stared at the hand for a moment uncertain. "Come on Asuka-chan," Sam smiled disarmingly. "If I'm just a figment of your imagination what have you got to lose..." Asuka smiled and took the offered hand. What had she got to lose? "...except your salvation," Sam finished pulling the startled girl into her embrace. "What are you..." Asuka startled to yell but her voice died away as her eyes were entrapped by Sam's. The deep verdant green seemed to hold such infinite wisdom and sorrow that Asuka just felt herself melting into them. Her will faded as those eyes seemed to draw everything out of her. Those eyes could see everything about her, they seemed to know, to understand, and to forgive. Asuka felt those emerald jewels gently read her most inner depths, probe her very soul... "Shh..." the "girl" who called herself Sam smiled and gently lowered Asuka's head to rest on her lap. "Shhh..." the girl's hand soothingly stroked Asuka's hair. "There is nothing to fear little one... Nothing to fear..." "Nothing to fear..." The sun was warm and the girl's lap was soft, soft and warm. "Nothing to fear..." The hand continued to stroke Asuka's hair and Asuka felt safe, protected... "Sleep my daughter," her mother's voice said from the past. "Sleep..." "Mummy... Mutter..." Asuka mumbled as she slowly succumbed to the warmth of the sun, the sound of the breakers on the shore and slept. "I will keep my word," Sam murmured leaning down to kiss the sleeping redhead lightly on the head. "You will be safe in the end, I promise." She slowly stood up and looked out over the small world she had just created. "I look after what is mine," Sam stated looking down at the sleeping mortal. "And you, my little doll, are now _mine_... forever..." Asuka sleeping body slowly faded away. _DOLL_ "I'M NOT A DOLL!!" Asuka screamed as the image of her mother faded and the horrifying light of the Angel continued to rape her mind of its inner most fears and needs. "PLEASE!! STOP IT!!" ... * * * * From: "Alex Gray" Yip! Another one in this sad story. Assume all usual legal disclaimers etc... Cheers Alex E-mail - mailto:hitomi@ndirect.co.uk WWW home - http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Subway/7630/ ============================================ AUTHORS NOTE: If you thought the last one was weird... then hold on for motto motto weirdness. This is not really a story but a piece of prose and has very little relationship to EVA. If you like this sort of stuff then enjoy, or don't as you wish... * * * * Contemplations IV of VI - Choices Rei stood stock still and glared at the figure seated quite contentedly on her bed. The figure said nothing, did nothing except look back calmly at the red eyed girl. The door clicked shut behind the young pilot but both Rei and her unexpected visitor ignored it. The tempting smell of the freshly cooked dinner that had been layed out on the small table caused Rei's mouth to water but she tried to ignore it as she kept her eyes focused on her intruder. Green eyes locked with red and each figure just continued to stare as if waiting for some hidden signal that would break their deadlock - none came. Moments dragged by and still the two adversaries just stood staring, not speaking or moving - neither giving way to the other. Indomitable. Unfathomable. Completely... A faint growling sounded into the space between them. "Hungry are you Rei-chan?" the girl asked with a small smile as Rei looked down at the part of her body that had just betrayed her. "You are welcome to tuck in. I made it all just for you." "What are you doing here?" Rei said as she took a small step forward. "Who are you? What do you want of me?" The girl slowly unfolded her legs and stood up. "Do you want to freshen up before you eat or do you wish to eat first?" she asked ignoring Rei's questions. "Dinner will still be hot if you wish to change first." "What do you want?" Rei repeated moving closer towards the center of the room always keeping her eyes locked onto the elfin figure. She remembered the power that this unnatural girl had displayed the last time they had met. "Want?" the girl shrugged. "Nothing much. Why? Did you want something of me?" Rei frowned. Questions for more questions. The girl was playing the same word games as before. "Questions, always questions," the girl commented as she started to busy herself tiding up the small apartment. "You can never have any answers without questions can you? And oddly, without answers questions never have any meaning - do they Rei-chan?" Rei did not answer. She just watched as the redhead filled up a container of water and humming a mindless tune started washing the floor. "What do you want?" Rei tried to ask again. The girl however seemed to be far more interested in cleaning the floor than in answering Rei. The warm rich smell of the meal wafted under her nose again and much to Rei's annoyance the growling sound repeated itself. "Do you want me to wash your uniform for you while I am here?" the redhead said looking up from the floor. "I did the rest of your laundry already." Rei cocked her head. "Why?" The girl snorted. "That's a stupid question. Why should I not do it? You are the one who doesn't seem to bother." "Why should I?" The girl sighed and turned her attention back to the floor. "Questions," she muttered leaving Rei feeling as if she was missing some sort of important point. She continued to watch the girl for a minute or so but the redhead did nothing more than hum that same silly tune and clean the floor. When it became clear that that was all the redhead was interested in doing Rei shrugged and headed for the bathroom. Turning on the shower she unzipped her skirt and slipped out of the school uniform. She carefully piled her clothes into a bundle and looked into the dirty mirror opposite the door. As per usual the only thing that stared back at her was herself - just herself. Rei blinked at that odd thought and grabbing the bundle of dirty clothes she walked back outside the bathroom. The redhead was standing by the window watching her with a faint smile on her white face. "Here," Rei said as she crossed over to the middle of the room and held out her clothes for the redhead to take. The redhead just stood watching. "Here," Rei said again and took a further step in the girl's direction. "You said you would wash them. So, here." "Dangerous," the redhead warned suddenly. "What?" Rei frowned as she took another step forward. "What did you just say?" "Choices," the girl replied and moving slowly crossed over to stand just in front of the pilot of Unit-00. "Choices? What do you mean?" Rei took a small step back uncertain of the girl's change in attitude. The taller girl smiled and took the bundle of clothes from Rei's uncertain hands. Green eyes locked with red and the girl's perfect face stared down at Rei like some sort of ivory statue. Rei found herself utterly entrapped by those eyes - the depths of them were... impossible. "What do _you_ want Rei-chan?" the girl said at last in a faint whisper. "What is it you _really_ want of life?" The question was so unexpected that Rei almost did not understand it. "Me?" she squawked in a voice that was completely unlike her. "Yes," the girl reiterated raising a hand to push the bluish fringe back from the red eyes. "You. What is it _you_ want?" The touch of the other's cool moist hand on her forehead made Rei even more agitated. "I... I..." she tried to say. "No one has ever asked you that before have they Rei-chan?" the girl said with a sad smile as she held Rei's chin in a light grasp. "Always orders, demands, but never a genuine question. Never anyone asking you how you feel or how you are..." Rei's thought's were swirling in confusion as she saw the genuine pity shining in the girl's emerald like eyes. The cruel humour that had glittered in those depths at their last meeting was now a dark reflecting mirror, an endlessly reflecting mirror... "And they call me a fiend..." the girl muttered bitterly as she continued to look down sadly at the white skinned young mortal in front of her. ...A mirror that showed Rei only herself... only herself... only her _true_ self... Alone... Alone... A small figure overlooked by all until it was convenient... Only until it was time for that figure to be pushed into battle like some toy soldier... "Alone..." Rei whispered faintly as she looked back at that perfect face staring at her. The redhead shook her head slightly as the red eyes began to brim. "Choices," the redhead said carefully wiping away the salty excess before it embarrassed the human even more. "We all have choices Rei-chan. The path we take has as many forks and branches as we want it to have. Never think that simply because we do not chose to see those forks that they are not there Rei-chan, because they always are. It is from those forks, those choices that life itself is forged child. Do not blind yourself to the way simply because you refuse to see it..." Rei shuddered slightly. She could not believe what she had seen reflected in those eyes... Was she that empty? Did no one really see her? Did no one really love her? No! It was impossible! He cared for her! He had tried to save her! He... "Only sees you as a tool," the girl broke in softly. "All of you, you are only tools. Pieces that are moved as part of the Great Game. You are a Pawn Rei-chan, nothing more and nothing less. Your worth is derived from the Moves that you make. But like all Pawns..." the girl pulled back her hand and turned to look out the window. "The Game must end." "I am here to give you your Choice Rei-chan," the girl said quietly finally answering Rei's initial questions. "Who I am does not really matter. I have been called many different things in my life by many different people, each of whom see in me what they want to see. If a name is important to you then call me Sam - it is as good as any other title." "Sam..." Rei said hesitantly. "Am I... Am I really that..." she stopped. How could she describe it? How could she put the totality of her life into words? "Soulless?" the girl supplied looking back kindly at the teenager. "Is that the word you want?" Rei did not know what word she wanted. Why did she feel like this? Where had the calm indifference she had known for so long gone? Why had it abandoned her now? "Because you stopped just long enough to look at your reflection, your true reflection," the redhead stated kindly. "The one that is meant for your eyes alone." "I... I..." Rei was lost and confused. For the first time in her life she was being forced to look at herself, _really_ look at herself and... and... "Who are you?" the girl called Sam asked. "I... I..." Rei shook her head as the empty feeling within her, this dark void threatened to overwhelm her completely. "What do _you_ want?" Sam asked. "Sam... I..." Rei suddenly burst into tears and slumped to the wet floor sobbing her heart out. The being who called herself Sam stared at the weeping naked figure on the floor and a rare tender look flashed over her face. Perhaps for Rei the answer to her question was far more than the mortal could stand. Perhaps it was time for a Choice instead. Kneeling down Sam gathered the crying girl in her arms and effortlessly lifted her up. She was slightly surprised at how weightless the human was. Her statement about Rei's soullessness was more true than Sam had originally thought. "Shhh... Rei... shhh..." Rei buried her face in Sam's warm red hair and tried to cry out the bitter loneliness that seemed to be filling her heart to the brim. She was so alone! Oh... why was she so alone!? What had she done to deserve that... Why... "Rei... Rei... Shhh..." Rei clung onto the only selfless offer of comfort that she had ever received in her short life. She did not care who or what offered it to her. The only thing... the _only_ thing that mattered was that someone offered it. She could no longer hide behind the wall of ignorance or indifference. She NEEDED that dark emptiness in her heart to be filled with something... anything... The redhead called Sam held the crying teenager until finally the tears subsided into hiccups and then died away altogether. The two figures simply stood there motionless in the middle of the room - the being that some called the Corrupter and the clone that some called Rei Ayanami. Finally the redhead slowly tried to let the human down but Rei refused to let go. For the first time in her life Rei felt like she was wanted, truly wanted and she would not let that feeling go - ever. She buried her head in the girl's neck and clung on like some kind of limpet. She just wanted to be loved... That was all... She could no longer stand being alone... Please... "I have many names," Sam said quietly into the silence of the room. "To some I am the Corrupter. To others, I am the Enemy and to yet others I am simply Vengeance..." Rei clung on. All she ever wanted was to no longer be alone. All she wanted was for someone... anyone to know that _she_ lived... Someone who would just notice her... "And to a few," Sam continued in that same faint whisper. "Oh, to a very rare few Rei-chan I am also known as Beloved. Is this what you really want child? To walk the Darkest Path? To yield up everything and be consumed by the Darkness of my Corruption? Is that _your_ Choice Rei?" "I don't want to be alone any more..." Rei whispered back still holding on tightly. "Please... I just want to be free... I just want to be..." "Cherished," Sam finished with a smile as she Claimed this Rei Ayanami for her own. Oh, she knew that He would provide a replacement, that His Plans would still be fulfilled, that ultimately the result would still be the same, but... "I rename you Amilee," Sam formally stated her Claim as the newest member of her Family sighed in contentment. Yes... His Plans would be fulfilled, but not quite in the manner that He foresaw. What a shame... Amilee felt herself falling back into the soft infinite whispering Darkness of an eternal night, but this time... this time she was not alone. * * * * From: "Alex Gray" Yip! Another one in this sad story. Assume all usual legal disclaimers etc... Cheers Alex E-mail - mailto:hitomi@ndirect.co.uk WWW home - http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Subway/7630/ ============================================ AUTHORS NOTE: If you thought the last one was weird... then hold on for motto motto weirdness. This is not really a story but a piece of prose and has very little relationship to EVA. If you like this sort of stuff then enjoy, or don't as you wish... * * * * Contemplations IV of VI - Choices Rei stood stock still and glared at the figure seated quite contentedly on her bed. The figure said nothing, did nothing except look back calmly at the red eyed girl. The door clicked shut behind the young pilot but both Rei and her unexpected visitor ignored it. The tempting smell of the freshly cooked dinner that had been layed out on the small table caused Rei's mouth to water but she tried to ignore it as she kept her eyes focused on her intruder. Green eyes locked with red and each figure just continued to stare as if waiting for some hidden signal that would break their deadlock - none came. Moments dragged by and still the two adversaries just stood staring, not speaking or moving - neither giving way to the other. Indomitable. Unfathomable. Completely... A faint growling sounded into the space between them. "Hungry are you Rei-chan?" the girl asked with a small smile as Rei looked down at the part of her body that had just betrayed her. "You are welcome to tuck in. I made it all just for you." "What are you doing here?" Rei said as she took a small step forward. "Who are you? What do you want of me?" The girl slowly unfolded her legs and stood up. "Do you want to freshen up before you eat or do you wish to eat first?" she asked ignoring Rei's questions. "Dinner will still be hot if you wish to change first." "What do you want?" Rei repeated moving closer towards the center of the room always keeping her eyes locked onto the elfin figure. She remembered the power that this unnatural girl had displayed the last time they had met. "Want?" the girl shrugged. "Nothing much. Why? Did you want something of me?" Rei frowned. Questions for more questions. The girl was playing the same word games as before. "Questions, always questions," the girl commented as she started to busy herself tiding up the small apartment. "You can never have any answers without questions can you? And oddly, without answers questions never have any meaning - do they Rei-chan?" Rei did not answer. She just watched as the redhead filled up a container of water and humming a mindless tune started washing the floor. "What do you want?" Rei tried to ask again. The girl however seemed to be far more interested in cleaning the floor than in answering Rei. The warm rich smell of the meal wafted under her nose again and much to Rei's annoyance the growling sound repeated itself. "Do you want me to wash your uniform for you while I am here?" the redhead said looking up from the floor. "I did the rest of your laundry already." Rei cocked her head. "Why?" The girl snorted. "That's a stupid question. Why should I not do it? You are the one who doesn't seem to bother." "Why should I?" The girl sighed and turned her attention back to the floor. "Questions," she muttered leaving Rei feeling as if she was missing some sort of important point. She continued to watch the girl for a minute or so but the redhead did nothing more than hum that same silly tune and clean the floor. When it became clear that that was all the redhead was interested in doing Rei shrugged and headed for the bathroom. Turning on the shower she unzipped her skirt and slipped out of the school uniform. She carefully piled her clothes into a bundle and looked into the dirty mirror opposite the door. As per usual the only thing that stared back at her was herself - just herself. Rei blinked at that odd thought and grabbing the bundle of dirty clothes she walked back outside the bathroom. The redhead was standing by the window watching her with a faint smile on her white face. "Here," Rei said as she crossed over to the middle of the room and held out her clothes for the redhead to take. The redhead just stood watching. "Here," Rei said again and took a further step in the girl's direction. "You said you would wash them. So, here." "Dangerous," the redhead warned suddenly. "What?" Rei frowned as she took another step forward. "What did you just say?" "Choices," the girl replied and moving slowly crossed over to stand just in front of the pilot of Unit-00. "Choices? What do you mean?" Rei took a small step back uncertain of the girl's change in attitude. The taller girl smiled and took the bundle of clothes from Rei's uncertain hands. Green eyes locked with red and the girl's perfect face stared down at Rei like some sort of ivory statue. Rei found herself utterly entrapped by those eyes - the depths of them were... impossible. "What do _you_ want Rei-chan?" the girl said at last in a faint whisper. "What is it you _really_ want of life?" The question was so unexpected that Rei almost did not understand it. "Me?" she squawked in a voice that was completely unlike her. "Yes," the girl reiterated raising a hand to push the bluish fringe back from the red eyes. "You. What is it _you_ want?" The touch of the other's cool moist hand on her forehead made Rei even more agitated. "I... I..." she tried to say. "No one has ever asked you that before have they Rei-chan?" the girl said with a sad smile as she held Rei's chin in a light grasp. "Always orders, demands, but never a genuine question. Never anyone asking you how you feel or how you are..." Rei's thought's were swirling in confusion as she saw the genuine pity shining in the girl's emerald like eyes. The cruel humour that had glittered in those depths at their last meeting was now a dark reflecting mirror, an endlessly reflecting mirror... "And they call me a fiend..." the girl muttered bitterly as she continued to look down sadly at the white skinned young mortal in front of her. ...A mirror that showed Rei only herself... only herself... only her _true_ self... Alone... Alone... A small figure overlooked by all until it was convenient... Only until it was time for that figure to be pushed into battle like some toy soldier... "Alone..." Rei whispered faintly as she looked back at that perfect face staring at her. The redhead shook her head slightly as the red eyes began to brim. "Choices," the redhead said carefully wiping away the salty excess before it embarrassed the human even more. "We all have choices Rei-chan. The path we take has as many forks and branches as we want it to have. Never think that simply because we do not chose to see those forks that they are not there Rei-chan, because they always are. It is from those forks, those choices that life itself is forged child. Do not blind yourself to the way simply because you refuse to see it..." Rei shuddered slightly. She could not believe what she had seen reflected in those eyes... Was she that empty? Did no one really see her? Did no one really love her? No! It was impossible! He cared for her! He had tried to save her! He... "Only sees you as a tool," the girl broke in softly. "All of you, you are only tools. Pieces that are moved as part of the Great Game. You are a Pawn Rei-chan, nothing more and nothing less. Your worth is derived from the Moves that you make. But like all Pawns..." the girl pulled back her hand and turned to look out the window. "The Game must end." "I am here to give you your Choice Rei-chan," the girl said quietly finally answering Rei's initial questions. "Who I am does not really matter. I have been called many different things in my life by many different people, each of whom see in me what they want to see. If a name is important to you then call me Sam - it is as good as any other title." "Sam..." Rei said hesitantly. "Am I... Am I really that..." she stopped. How could she describe it? How could she put the totality of her life into words? "Soulless?" the girl supplied looking back kindly at the teenager. "Is that the word you want?" Rei did not know what word she wanted. Why did she feel like this? Where had the calm indifference she had known for so long gone? Why had it abandoned her now? "Because you stopped just long enough to look at your reflection, your true reflection," the redhead stated kindly. "The one that is meant for your eyes alone." "I... I..." Rei was lost and confused. For the first time in her life she was being forced to look at herself, _really_ look at herself and... and... "Who are you?" the girl called Sam asked. "I... I..." Rei shook her head as the empty feeling within her, this dark void threatened to overwhelm her completely. "What do _you_ want?" Sam asked. "Sam... I..." Rei suddenly burst into tears and slumped to the wet floor sobbing her heart out. The being who called herself Sam stared at the weeping naked figure on the floor and a rare tender look flashed over her face. Perhaps for Rei the answer to her question was far more than the mortal could stand. Perhaps it was time for a Choice instead. Kneeling down Sam gathered the crying girl in her arms and effortlessly lifted her up. She was slightly surprised at how weightless the human was. Her statement about Rei's soullessness was more true than Sam had originally thought. "Shhh... Rei... shhh..." Rei buried her face in Sam's warm red hair and tried to cry out the bitter loneliness that seemed to be filling her heart to the brim. She was so alone! Oh... why was she so alone!? What had she done to deserve that... Why... "Rei... Rei... Shhh..." Rei clung onto the only selfless offer of comfort that she had ever received in her short life. She did not care who or what offered it to her. The only thing... the _only_ thing that mattered was that someone offered it. She could no longer hide behind the wall of ignorance or indifference. She NEEDED that dark emptiness in her heart to be filled with something... anything... The redhead called Sam held the crying teenager until finally the tears subsided into hiccups and then died away altogether. The two figures simply stood there motionless in the middle of the room - the being that some called the Corrupter and the clone that some called Rei Ayanami. Finally the redhead slowly tried to let the human down but Rei refused to let go. For the first time in her life Rei felt like she was wanted, truly wanted and she would not let that feeling go - ever. She buried her head in the girl's neck and clung on like some kind of limpet. She just wanted to be loved... That was all... She could no longer stand being alone... Please... "I have many names," Sam said quietly into the silence of the room. "To some I am the Corrupter. To others, I am the Enemy and to yet others I am simply Vengeance..." Rei clung on. All she ever wanted was to no longer be alone. All she wanted was for someone... anyone to know that _she_ lived... Someone who would just notice her... "And to a few," Sam continued in that same faint whisper. "Oh, to a very rare few Rei-chan I am also known as Beloved. Is this what you really want child? To walk the Darkest Path? To yield up everything and be consumed by the Darkness of my Corruption? Is that _your_ Choice Rei?" "I don't want to be alone any more..." Rei whispered back still holding on tightly. "Please... I just want to be free... I just want to be..." "Cherished," Sam finished with a smile as she Claimed this Rei Ayanami for her own. Oh, she knew that He would provide a replacement, that His Plans would still be fulfilled, that ultimately the result would still be the same, but... "I rename you Amilee," Sam formally stated her Claim as the newest member of her Family sighed in contentment. Yes... His Plans would be fulfilled, but not quite in the manner that He foresaw. What a shame... Amilee felt herself falling back into the soft infinite whispering Darkness of an eternal night, but this time... this time she was not alone. * * * *