From: Sparky Clarkson Subject: [Eva][FanFic] Ascent of the Fallen, Foreword and Prologue Hello, all... Well, just to prove I haven't been teasing my fans (all three of you) about rewriting _Ascent of the Fallen_, I've decided to start releasing the new version. I'll be posting parts of the story at a rate of about one a week from now on (until, of course, the story is finished). This week, the story segments won't have much plot, unfortunately. I'm just going to be posting the Foreword (which is me talking and you'll just skip it) and the Prologue (which actually has enough plot to be interesting). If you want to read HTML versions of these files, visit my website, Heaven's Gate, which just went through a massive update. The URL is http://members.tripod.com/Sage_Ohlmin/evafic.htm Just click on the red "A". So without any further ado, here goes... NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: ASCENT OF THE FALLEN By Sparky Clarkson Foreword ******* I suppose you'll skip this part--most people do. Those who don't do that always complain about the author's putting this section before the story, instead of at the end where it can be more conveniently ignored. But the beginning is the natural place to put these notes, because these feelings came about before the story. So if you've read these sentences I'd like to invite you to read a few more before you begin my little novella. I promise it won't hurt too much. Everyone has a reason for writing fanfiction. Some writers just want to expand the series that they loved. Others hope to live vicariously in the experiences of the show's characters (hence self-insert fics). I decided to write the story you will shortly (I hope) begin reading because I had something to say. Some of the feelings stirred in me by the GAINAX production _Neon Genesis Evangelion_ wanted expression, and the universe of Eva was the perfect place to express them. That's not all, of course. I wanted some of those other reasons, too. I found myself profoundly dissatisfied by the ending of the series and by the movies. The television finale did not serve the plot of the series well, and the movie did the same to the themes and characters. Sadly, neither one could repair the deficiencies of the other. I believed that something more, something better could be done. So I wrote. This is what came out, starting from a single image I had of Shinji standing between Gendo and Kaoru. To say more about that image would ruin your surprise later on, but I think you'll know when you see it. This story also expresses some of my beliefs about story writing in general. I've tried to emulate the methods of the old masters of science fiction, back when it and fantasy were really interesting. These days, speculative fiction (SF, Fantasy, Horror) has developed a tendency to produce ridiculously huge, unfocused books and series. I wanted to take things back to the way they were, if only for one story. I hoped, with _Ascent_, to recapture the feel of those old sci- fi serials that used to be in magazines. You'd read each one, and then you couldn't wait until the next month for the following installment. I hope you enjoy the experience, and I hope it has tightened my writing style. On a final note, I must admit with regret that the characters, technology, and society depicted in this story are not my own invention. They are the intellectual property of Anno Hideaki and GAINAX Films, Inc., and are here used without license. I offer this story as free entertainment to fans of the series, and host it without profit to myself. The plot of this story is my intellectual property. I offer unlimited rights to distribute and store this work in electronic form, provided that no alterations are made to the text beyond those required for formatting. Any profit made from the knowing distribution, storage, or display of this story must be remitted in full to GAINAX Films, Inc. as a licensing fee. That's all from me. Please enjoy the story as it comes out. --Sparky ******* Prologue: "I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out..." (Ezekiel 11:19) ******* The white marble disk that formed the floor of the room felt warm to the nude boy kneeling at its center. His pale skin, a match for the color of the stone beneath him, did not recoil from the living rock as it might have from the cold blaze of steel. The boy had bowed his head, his unruly grey hair hiding his red eyes from view. Nonetheless, he sensed every aspect of the room around him. Evenly spaced around the perimeter of the white disk, hovering between the stone circle and the glowing grey mist that lay beyond it, floated 10 monoliths. Most of them also glowed, each suffused with an inner illumination. All of the simple rectangular prisms were formed of different materials, yet each had something in common with its neighbors--an underlying similarity, beyond a likeness of shape, that unified the disparate emanations. Ahead of him and to his right was a glass monolith, all but invisible compared to the others. It alone did not glow, yet something about it nonetheless drew the boy's eye. To the right of it floated a series of seven smaller, glowing monoliths, each formed of a different material: gold, moonstone, silver, onyx, ruby, aquamarine, and emerald. Each was twice as tall as the boy, and three times as broad. After that was a slightly larger monolith of diamond, glowing somewhat more brightly than the seven. Directly in front of the boy floated the largest monolith, constructed of sapphire. However, neither the boy nor anyone else who might have been in the room could bear to look directly at it. No brighter than any of the others, it was nonetheless greater, as if the radiance pouring from it encompassed the entire spectrum-- incomprehensible in its vastness. All the other lights in the circle were but single tones to the symphony of its light. No being could come to grips with such illumination, and so all bowed their heads in deference to the inconceivable. A voice emanated from the sapphire, saying, "You know that this choice will change everything, do you not?" This indeed was a symphony: the mellifluous tones seemed to be created by every single particle of air, as if the universe itself spoke for the light in the sapphire. The memory of the sound lingered long after it was gone, like the last note of a sweetly tolling bell, inspiring an almost painful longing to hear it again. The boy bowed his head lower. "I know, Father. But truly, I have no choice--no power over my heart," he said. There was a rustling sound from the seven smallest monoliths in the circle, but this stilled quickly when the voice again emanated from the sapphire. "Do you then leave me, Tabris, as so many have before? Have you chosen another to worship?" it asked. Tabris shook his head. "L ilha ill Allh," he replied, "I have not chosen to worship another. I have decided to surrender my eternal life for the one I love." A tear formed in his right eye. Now a voice emanated from the diamond monolith. "I have seen his heart," it said, its tones similar to those from the light in the sapphire, but somehow more strident. "True love has guided him, not base lust." The supreme light did not reply that it knew this already--doing so would only repeat the obvious. "Then, Tabris, I have reason to make judgement," it announced. Tabris bowed his head lower again. "I cast myself upon your mercy," he replied. "As you have asked, so shall it be done. My plan continues. The day of glory approaches. Let all know the consequences," the voice from the sapphire monolith announced. "Go in my love, Tabris," it added warmly. "Thank you, Lord," the boy replied. A chorus from the seven seats quickly drowned him out. "So let it be written, so let it be done. Amen," chanted the choir of lights. Beneath his breath, Tabris whispered, "It is my choice..." And then he was gone. ******* Next week--Part One: "And now art thou cursed from the earth..." Sparky A Dies Irae Production -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= From: Sparky Clarkson Subject: [Eva][FanFic] Ascent of the Fallen, Part One Hello everyone, As promised, here's Part One of _Ascent of the Fallen_. An HTML version is available at my website, Heaven's Gate-- http://members.tripod.com/Sage_Ohlmin/evafic.htm NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: ASCENT OF THE FALLEN By Sparky Clarkson Part One: "And now art thou cursed from the earth..." (Genesis 4:11) ******* Shinji did not notice the throbbing ache in his lower back. The dull pain had begun three days ago--a stupid idea, sleeping on the floor- -and it had not abated since. After all, Shinji had done nothing to take care of it. And even had he paid some attention to his injuries, the aching of his back would not have been detected over the agonizing pain in his heart. So Shinji did not move, though his spine might have appreciated it. He remained curled up in the chair, his arms wrapped around his legs, his chin on his knees--perched on the edge, his balance precarious. The cold, clorox-scented air of the hospital room would have made his eyes water, had he not already been struggling to hold back a stream of tears. Asuka lay on her side, facing him. Her white gown, white sheets, and now-pale skin made both her red hair and vacantly staring blue eyes stand out all the more. She had been like that all morning. Shinji had shown up at nine, when the nurses fed Asuka and rolled her on her side. Unable to help them, he had watched uselessly as they did their work--his incompetence at even those simple tasks a reminder of his general helplessness. Once the nurses had gone, he had curled up in the chair to watch Asuka. And in the hours since, neither one had moved. The scene might have been peaceful, or even loving, if Asuka's stare had not been so vacant, if the bags under Shinji's eyes were smaller, if his cheeks were less hollow and emaciated. As it was, the scene cried of pain. Pain from Shinji's uncomfortable position, pain from Asuka's empty eyes, pain from the chilled, clammy air of the hospital. Pain, held in check only by the fact that both children were unable to open the doors of their souls to each other. Four hours. It took that long for the dam to break. But it did, with the tinitest of cracks. Shinji slowly unfolded from his cramped position and grabbed Asuka's hand. "Say something Asuka," he whispered. "Please. "Yell at me, Asuka... "Call me a name. "Call me stupid," he begged, but only the walls of the empty room replied, echoing the word "stupid" for a moment after it left his lips. Shinji squeezed his eyes closed, and a tear rolled out, escaping along the side of his nose to wet his lips. Shinji did not notice. "I *am* stupid," he said aloud. "What can I do for you... what can I do for anyone? I've killed my friends, or hurt them, or driven them away, all because I'm such a coward. "And look at me! I'm here beside your bed, you're dying, and all I can talk about is myself. I'm hopeless..." Still, Asuka made no sound, no reaction. Shinji squeezed her hand. Much as contact frightened him, he could not bring himself to release it. The silent girl was the last thing he had left. Or, perhaps, she was the last thing he had to say goodbye to. "I wish I could help you wake up," he said, "I want you to be happy again..." His voice trailed off in futility. Another tear escaped the crystalline prison of his eye. After a long pause, he said, "I'm so sorry Asuka. I... I'm useless. Everyone hates me. "But... "But I... "I... "I l... love you." Shinji closed his eyes again in shock. He hadn't expected to say that--really hadn't known what he was going to say at all. _So what do I do now?_ he thought, _I've told her the truth, and she can't even hear me._ Shinji gazed unhappily at Asuka's blankly staring face, and said, "I should have told you before. If you knew how much you meant to me, maybe... maybe this wouldn't have happened. It's all my fault again." Unbidden, unnoticed, a third tear rolled down his cheek. Shinji wrapped both his hands around Asuka's. Ordinarily, touching her would have terrified him, but he was too far gone now to have the same old fears. The walls of his psyche had been shattered, perhaps permanently. Shinji had nothing left to lose. "Please come back, Asuka," he whispered, but she did not respond. Another tear spilled out of Shinji's eye. _Maybe,_ he thought, _I can make her feel *something*..._ Slowly, Shinji leaned forward, across the pillow and sheets. However, as his lips approached her face, and his feathery breath flowed across her cheek, something happened. A whisper tore its way out of Asuka's throat, a refugee from the torment of her mind. A single word. "Mommy..." she breathed, and then once more was silent. What little strength remained in Shinji's body evaporated in that instant. His shoulders slumped, and his legs buckled. He sank to his knees by the side of her bed, and buried his face in the sheets near her pillow to muffle the sobs he could no longer hold back. Still... He did not release her hand. *** Katsuragi Misato chugged down the can of beer in only a few seconds and tossed it over her shoulder, eliciting an angry squawk from Pen- Pen as the bird dodged the aluminum missile. The can landed unnoticed in one of the many piles of garbage now decorating her living room. Remote in hand, Misato bravely cruised the channels, listening out for any human voice in her loneliness. There were three voices she would have particularly liked to hear. Two she might experience once more, but their temporary absence had caused her to drink the first three beers. The third she would never hear again, and was the reason for her drinking the six since. Pen-Pen waddled over to the couch, staring inquisitively at Misato. "At least I still have you, Pen-Pen," Misato said, scooping the warm-water penguin into her arms. She squeezed the bird tightly, as if hoping that the warmth from its body could cure the coldness she felt in her chest. Her scar ached--the ghost of pain gone, but not forgotten. The late-night news came on. The anchorman was irritatingly cheerful, and smiled ingratiatingly into the camera as he spouted off the night's headlines. "Our sources in the United Nations have once again confirmed victory over an angel! One of the vile aliens is rumored to have infiltrated to the core of NERV itself! Details are sketchy, but we do know that the heroic pilot of EVA-01, Ikari Shinji, managed to stop the angel at the last moment, though reportedly he suffered great injury as a result." Misato sniffled and whispered, "Do you hear that, Shinji? You're a hero. Everyone loves you." Her words were slurred only slightly-- nine beers were not quite enough to overcome Misato's powerful tolerance. The anchorman continued in a very chipper voice, "We have also learned that NERV Commander Ikari Gendo will be giving a press conference with two Evangelion pilots tomorrow. Needless to say, this is the first time the secretive Commander has spoken with the public, and we are excited to be bringing you the very best coverage. Tune in tomorrow at 9 AM, an hour before the conference, for a special report on the recent operations of NERV and the heroic Evangelion pilots who defend Earth..." The anchorman's voice was suddenly drowned out by a loud knock on the door. Misato dumped Pen-Pen to the floor and jumped to her feet, her heart seeming to find its way into her throat. She paused, though. Her ears had played many cruel tricks on her in the past few days. How many times had she opened that door to see an empty hallway? But the knocking came again. Misato dashed through the room, knocking over a small mound of garbage, and yanked the door open as fast as she could. Her heart fell, though, as she saw a nervous- looking Hyuga Makoto standing outside, still in his NERV uniform. "Oh," she said unhappily, "it's you." "I... I can leave, if y-you don't want me here," Makoto stammered, taken aback by her depressed exclamation. Misato shook her head. "No, no, come in, please. I was just hoping..." Makoto entered, and asked, "Is Shin..." but stopped immediately as he noticed tears gathering in Misato's eyes. A moment passed, and then he said, "I'm sorry... if I'm intruding..." Misato pushed him along towards the couch a bit and said, "You're not. This place is so empty--not even any neighbors around. It's nice to have someone else to talk to." Pen-Pen squawked angrily, but shut up as she kicked a beer can neatly towards his head. Two important things to say entered her mind at that moment, and as her head was slightly hazy with alcohol Misato tried to say both of them at once: "Do you... I'm sorry... want a... this place is... beer? ...such a mess." Misato shook her head and stood up a little straighter. Now Makoto looked confused *and* nervous. Misato concentrated for a moment, and said, "Sorry this place is such a mess. Do you want a beer?" Makoto smiled and shook his head. The confusion evaporated, leaving the nervousness behind. "I was just in the neighborhood..." he began, but Misato interrupted. "I thought you lived in another sector." Makoto laughed, though it sounded forced. "Yeah, well... with all the traffic rerouting since Rei's... accident... I get confused a lot. I got turned around and recognized the street. I thought I'd drop by to see how you were doing." Misato sighed and slumped down into a chair. Makoto took a tentative step towards her, but stopped, uncertain of what to do. Misato blew some hair out of her face. "It's hard," she said. "I miss the children so much... and as you can see, no one bothers to clean up around here anymore." Makoto smiled again, and some of his nervousness disappeared. This, at least, was a situation he was familiar with. "I could help," he said, and promptly began to gather trash into the proper bins. Misato watched him for a moment. _This isn't right,_ she thought, _It should be Shinji doing this..._ Her eyes teared up briefly, and then she thought, _Grow up, Misato... it shouldn't have been Shinji either..._ Misato stood up and began to lend a hand. *** Fuyutsuki Kouzou snorted in disbelief. "You think we can repel an assault without Dr. Akagi? When she was here, we survived almost by chance! How can we expect to do as well without her?" Ikari Gendo frowned at the older man and replied, "Even so. After the incident with the eleventh angel, I had her create a program that will foil any unauthorized attempts to download data from the Magi. With that protocol in hand, the expertise of our remaining staff will be sufficient." Kouzou frowned at the younger man's seeming overconfidence, but said nothing. Several moments ticked away in the commander's office as the two men faced each other, arguing without speaking. As always, Kouzou lost, turning away from the steady stare behind the orange- tinted glasses. Gendo finally added, "Do not worry, Fuyutsuki. SEELE will attack... they must attack. There is no other way. Unless they know everything that we do, they cannot hope to use NERV for their own purposes. And when they try to get that information, we will be ready. There is nothing to fear." Kouzou nodded--a sharp gesture, indicating at once that he acquiesced and that he hated to do so. He turned to leave, but stopped himself and turned back towards the commander of NERV. "Gendo," he said, "about the children..." "Hm?" "What is to be done with them?" "I have plans for them," Gendo said. "For the time being, they are needed here." Kouzou replied, "I think they might deserve... a rest. Rei and Shinji at least. I doubt anything can be done for the Second." Gendo shook his head. "If it becomes useful, they will get a rest. For now, they must remain here--particularly for tomorrow's conference. If we are to achieve the final end, the world must have heroes to praise. Make sure that they both arrive on time, and in uniform." Kouzou nodded, resigned to the fact that he would not change his superior's mind. "They will be ready," he replied. Once more he turned to go, and once more he stopped. But this time, he was prevented from going not by his conscience, but instead by his commander. "Kouzou?" Gendo asked. "Yes?" the vice-commander said, turning around. He noticed that Gendo had removed the glasses, and was rubbing the area below his eyes. "I am aware that Rei has taken to sleeping inside NERV headquarters." "Indeed." "And that Shinji has not been back to Major Katsuragi's apartment in some time." "True." "Kouzou, do you know... where he is?" Kouzou frowned for a moment, and then issued a one-word reply. "Yes." A long pause ensued, as Gendo and Kouzou stared at each other once again. But this time, oddly, it was Gendo who looked away. Without the glasses, his gaze lost much of its power. "Very well," he said, slipping the amber-tinted lenses back on, "Make sure he is not exposed to danger from SEELE operatives." "It will be done." *** The bed was empty this night, just as it had been the last two nights. Still, Shinji had not gotten into it. Curled up in a fetal position, he slept fitfully on the uncomfortable floor. But unyielding though it was, the hard floor was not the cause of Shinji's inconsistent sleep. Dreams kept him from peaceful slumber... ...dreams filled with pain. As he dozed, Shinji's mind was filled with visions of Kaoru. Kaoru laughing... Kaoru humming the "Ode to Joy"... Kaoru lying in the bed, smiling gently at him. And over it all, Shinji heard the words Kaoru had said to him; words Shinji had so desperately needed someone to say to him. But the joy in these dreams was short-lived. The darkness of Kaoru's betrayal crept into Shinji's mind, and all he could see was Kaoru's face as the massive hand of EVA-01 crushed him into oblivion. The dream ended as it always did: as the last bones in his body snapped and were obliterated, Kaoru turned to Shinji and mouthed, accusingly, "I love you." Shinji sprang awake, trembling and tense in every muscle. His damp hair hung down on his forehead, and his nightclothes were plastered to him by a sheen of sweat. Convulsively, his hands clenched into fists, unclenched, and then clenched again. The fury was back in him--the same fury that followed this dream every time he'd had it for three nights. At last he could not hold back any longer. With a cry that was half scream, half sob, he threw himself at the floor, pounding away with fists, elbows, feet, and knees--venting his anger and terrible pain against a foe that would not yield. Eventually, he ran out of energy--something that happened more quickly every night. Sprawled bruised on the floor of Kaorus apartment, he breathed heavily for a while before he drifted back into a fitful sleep. And the dream began again. *** The apartment looked much better for the cleaning it had just been given, and the orchestraters of the change now sat together on the couch, each nursing a beer. Makoto had relaxed a great deal since the cleaning had ended, though he still cast occasional nervous glances at Misato. Both were silent, but somehow the absence of sound now seemed far more wholesome than the droning of the television before Makoto had arrived. At last, Misato shook her head and said, "Forcing a guest to clean up my place! People will say such awful things about me!" Makoto blushed slightly, and said, "Oh no! It's no trouble... there's nothing else... the town's so..." "Empty..." Misato finished for him. "I miss the children..." "I miss them too, Misato. I..." Makoto lost track of what he was trying to say. He spent several seconds fishing fruitlessly for the right words, but eventually gave up and took another sip from his beer. He seemed unable to meet Misato's penetrating gaze. _At a loss for words,_ she noted. _Once, I might have given up on someone for not being chatty enough. Makoto's not the most exciting guy, but he's dependable, and has a good conscience. How unlike my father he is..._ Makoto turned away, and quietly said, "I really should be going... I have my shift in the morning." "So do I," Misato agreed. Makoto stood, slurped down the last few drops of his beer, and tossed the can into the recycling bin. He then turned to leave. Misato, seeing him turn, thought, _No... I can't do this alone. I need help..._ She stood and grabbed Makoto's hand. Her pull on it forced him to turn around with a yelp of surprise and confusion. Misato looked into his eyes and said, "Please don't leave, Makoto. I can't stand to be alone... it... I..." Makoto tentatively reached out and put an arm around her shoulders. When she did not resist, he pulled her closer and said, "It's okay, Misato. I... I want to be here for you." Misato sobbed, "Thank you," and began to cry. *** Keel's voice cut through the SEELE council chamber. "The time is very near. We must move soon, or else we may lose control of NERV entirely." A voice replied, "And what move shall we make?" "Yes, how do you intend to accomplish our goal?" another added. Keel said, "We shall orchestrate a large-scale attack on the Magi. Without information, Gendo is powerless." "And then we shall reveal Ikari's plans to the public?" added another. "Of course." "It should be done." "Gendo is guilty of betraying us for his own ends." "He must be destroyed." "Then this issue is decided." "Very well," Keel said. *** Rei sat up slowly in the bed. She could see almost nothing in the darkness of the lowest levels of NERV headquarters, but then again, she wasn't truly looking for anything. The visions had come again, and with greater severity. They were not dreams, for they did not come while she was sleeping. The visions always intruded in the semiconscious limbo between wakefulness and slumber, and they were always the same. She replayed the memory in her mind. The near-hallucination seemed as vivid to her now as it had when it was happening. Images, events, and sounds boiled up out of her subconscious and paraded themselves before her. <-- "Ayanami Rei," the boy said slowly, as if he were relishing every syllable. He smiled as his grey hair cascaded into his eyes, and continued "You are like me." --> _How can that be...?_ <-- Rei picked up Commander Ikari's broken glasses and began to crush them in her hands, letting her tears fall on the warping lenses. --> _Tears... why? And why did I feel I had seen them before?_ <-- The grey-haired boy looked up from his prison in EVA-01's fist and smiled at her. --> _For him, was death happiness?_ _What is happiness for me? I think I knew happiness before... perhaps with Ikari-kun?_ <-- Shinji stared wide-eyed as Rei walked naked out of the bathroom. --> _Why did I not cover myself?_ <-- Rei set EVA-00 to self-destruct mode. --> _Does my soul want to become one with Ikari-kun?_ <-- Rei spun around and slapped Shinji. Surprised at her reaction, he just held his jaw as they continued down the escalator. --> _Did I do that to defend the commander? Or did I do it to defend myself?_ "This is loneliness," she whispered, but the shadows devoured the sound before it could leave her squalid little area in the basement of NERV. Unbidden, another image came to her: that of Shinji crying when he pulled open her entry plug after the battle with Ramiel. Rei settled back down onto the bed, and pulled the sheets up. Somehow this memory made her feel more comfortable. _It feels good to know that someone cares about *me*, not just what I am,_ she realized. Suddenly, another thought struck her. "Ikari-kun," she murmured, "Are you lonely, too?" *** Makoto's arm was asleep. He could tell that the numbness would be painful when he finally shifted and allowed an influx of blood to the appendage. That time would not be coming soon, however. Makoto dared not move the woman now sleeping with her head resting heavily on his upper arm. Makoto looked down at Misato, taking care not to shift his arm and wake her. _Strange,_ he thought, taking in her reddened eyes and disheveled hair, _She's even more beautiful like this._ A moment later, he nearly kicked himself. _Dammit, man!_ he yelled at himself, _How can you even think about that in this situation? She's worried sick about the children, depressed because of Kaji and Ritsuko, and on the verge of a nervous breakdown! And you've gotta go thinking with your dick!_ He calmed down after a moment and gazed at Misato again. _I have to do this the right way. I've got to focus on *her* right now. I can wait..._ ***** The tone in NERV command was subdued the next morning. Aoba Shigeru and Makoto quietly sipped their coffee, relaxing at their usual posts. Ibuki Maya was staring into empty space. Their banter was mainly designed to keep the technicians awake while they waited for something to happen. "You'd think they might have at least let us go to the conference, though," Shigeru was saying. "I mean, after all, we did help out a good bit. They couldn't have done much without our help." "Oh yeah," Maya said, teasingly, "Your screaming like a girl during the invasion of the 11th angel was a masterpiece of strategy." "I did *not* scream like a girl!" Shigeru snorted. Makoto joined in, "Aw, lay off. At least we get to relax a bit while the boss is out of the office." "Don't relax too much," Maya scolded. "Commander Ikari seemed to be expecting something. He told me to maintain utmost vigilance." Shigeru started to make a mocking face at her, but straightened up immediately as Misato breezed into the command center. She winked at Makoto as she grabbed a cup of coffee. Makoto blushed a bit at that, and then reddened even further when he saw the quizzical stares Maya and Shigeru were leveling at him. Misato ignored it all, and asked, "It's about time for the conference, isn't it?" "Sure is," Makoto replied, relieved that something had come up to take attention away from him. He typed a quick command into his console. Most of the screens in the room flickered on to show a simple stage with a blue backdrop covered with United Nations emblems hung at the back. At the front of the stage stood a plain wooden podium, from which was hanging a small black sign bearing the NERV logo. The chief sign of the importance of the conference was the fan of mikes on the podium, which contained about 30 devices. A conservatively dressed young woman walked out to the podium from the side of the stage, and announced Ikari Gendo, commander of the defense organization NERV. Polite applause came in over the speakers as Gendo walked to the podium, followed by Shinji and Rei. Gendo was wearing the same outfit he always did on duty, but the expression he had on his face was so alien to the workers of NERV that Misato nearly dropped her coffee. His face seemed to be consumed by a large grin. "My god," Misato gasped, "he looks almost *friendly*!" Shinji ended up standing to Gendo's right, and Rei to his left. Both were in their plugsuits, although Rei's arm was still in a sling. Shinji looked even more awful than he had when Misato last saw him. His entire face looked hollow, as if he had been fasting for a week. The bags under his eyes and his slouched posture made it obvious he had not been sleeping. Maya gasped a bit at the sight. "Ohh..." she squealed, "Shinji looks so terrible." Misato sighed, "I bet that's the point. Gendo wants people to see how painful it is for the children to pilot those damn beasts." She said no more, but thought, _I'll bet he's even been doing something to keep Shinji in that state, to elicit more pity from the masses. What game is Gendo playing?_ Gendo stepped forward to the mikes and began to speak. "As some of you may have heard, the seventeenth angel, Tabris, was defeated three days ago. Many rumors have been flying around concerning the circumstances of this event, and I first want to address them. It is indeed true that the angel managed to infiltrate NERV using full credentials. We are still attempting to discern how he managed to attain these credentials, but until that time no new personnel will be admitted to NERV headquarters." Makoto frowned. "He's being awfully free with information," he noted. "That's because there's some advantage for him in revealing it," Misato responded, mentally adding, _but what?_ Gendo's expression took on a harsh and unyielding aspect more familiar to the people of NERV as he continued, "This betrayal was a vile act that endangered all the members of the human race. Such base treachery must not be tolerated--mankind cannot survive if people cannot trust one another. Rest assured, the perpetrators of this crime will be found. And once they are, they will be dealt with *most* harshly." _Ah... that's it,_ Misato thought, _He's setting somebody up for a fall. But who? He couldn't mean to take down SEELE, could he?_ Gendo somehow reconfigured his harsh face into a semblance of warmth as he continued, "Fortunately, this situation was salvaged by my son, Shinji, who defeated the infiltrator at the last minute. The price, as you can surely see, has been high for him, but he met the challenge bravely, and with honor. Words cannot express how proud of him I am." Then Gendo did the last thing anyone in the control room would ever have expected of him. Misato gave up on self control, letting her mug fall to the floor and shatter. Maya's jaw dropped open, and Makoto looked like he was about to faint. Shigeru spit out the mouthful of coffee he had been about to swallow, fortunately managing to land most of it back into his cup. "My god!" he exclaimed, "Gendo hugged Shinji!" _The poor kid's too far gone to even cringe,_ Misato noted, her eyes beginning to tear up slightly. On the screen, Shinji impassively received his father's brief embrace, but managed a wan smile when the reporters assembled behind the TV camera politely applauded him. _That completes Gendo's move,_ Misato thought, slipping back into a more analytical mode, _The loving father honors the heroic pilot, and both get deified by the public. That's what the world needs most, after all... adoring fans of Ikari Gendo who'll bow to his will._ Her train of thought derailed abruptly as alarms began wailing all through NERV headquarters. The technicians immediately turned to their consoles. Most screens turned to diagnostics and emergency warnings, but one, unnoticed, stayed tuned to the conference. "Magi are being hacked!" Maya exclaimed, her fingers dancing rapidly across the keyboard. Fuyutsuki stormed into the command center. "Status!" he shouted angrily. "Magi are being hacked by three... no, four! Four supercomputers of Magi type," Maya reported. Fuyutsuki nodded. "We cannot hold off that many by hand," he said. "Implement security protocol IO." Maya nodded. "Implementing," she said, her fingers already moving with blistering speed over the keyboard. A moment later, every screen in the room went dead. The alarm sirens cut off, leaving a ghostly echo behind in the sterile halls of NERV headquarters. "What's happening?" Shigeru asked, but nobody replied. Maya continued to type in commands, staring intently at the blank screen in front of her. After a few seconds, her computer displayed a single query. ENTER CONFIRMATION CODE: She typed in a response. AB INITIO The screens around the command center flickered briefly, then came on--each of them displaying a portion of the Magi file structure. The screens then split. At first, both halves showed an identical structure. Within seconds, however, the structure shown on the right half of the screen began to change with almost incomprehensible speed. Misato watched the displays for a few moments, but the constantly shifting mosaic began to make her eyes hurt. Makoto stared at his screen, and noted, "The hacking hasn't stopped!" "Yeah," Shigeru noted, "What exactly does this program do?" Maya frowned. "I don't know all of it... sempai worked out the whole thing a while back. Basically, it sets up a fake file structure and reroutes all hacking attempts into it. The database looks just like the Magi as far as file structure--but the data's not useful. It's just a patchwork of viruses, worms, and Trojan horses," she said. "So the hacking computers get infected and crash," Misato concluded. "Not before sending most of the files on the affected computers back to us," Maya responded. The command center quieted down again, and the TV could once again be heard. Gendo was saying, "That's all for today, thank you. I assure you all, as soon as Miss Soryu is again well enough to leave the hospital, we will have another conference, at which you will also be allowed to ask questions of these young heroes. I thank you for your time." The reporters responded almost in unison, "Oh no! Thank *you*!" Misato reached over and turned off the display as Kouzou said, "Notify Commander Ikari of the situation as soon as possible." As Makoto acknowledged the order, Misato stared at the blank screen, thinking, _He played them so easily..._ *** The opulence of the limousine was lost on Shinji as he stared morosely out at the landscape passing by. He was facing towards the back of the large car, leaning up against the door. The mental and physical exhaustion he felt had made the conference go by in a blur. He vaguely remembered that his father had hugged him, that the reporters had clapped for him, but he had only a shallow impression of these events--they had barely registered in his mind. Rei and Gendo sat opposite Shinji, in the forward-facing seat. As usual, Rei wore an essentially vacant expression, while Gendos face had lost the false warmth it had displayed at the press conference and settled back into its customary frown. The commander sat calmly in his seat, but the still scene was marred by a hint of movement around his knee, almost as if he were trying to control an impulse to tap his foot. He seemed to be getting impatient. No-one spoke. Suddenly, the tableau was broken by the ringing of Gendo's mobile phone. Gendo pulled it out, and whispered something into Rei's ear. As he flicked the phone open to answer it, Rei moved across the car to sit next to Shinji. Gendo began to speak into the phone with hushed tones. Shinji didn't react as Rei sat down next to him--he was content to ignore her. But after a few moments, Rei reached out and took his hand. The contact, even through the plugsuit, jolted Shinji out of his reverie. He turned to Rei, giving her an odd stare. They might have looked like two teens in love, but the gaunt sadness of Shinji's face, in combination with Rei's expressionless one, made them look more like the walking dead. Quietly, Shinji asked, "Rei?" "Yes?" she replied. "Do you miss Asuka?" A flicker of emotion crossed Rei's face, too brief and faint to be fully recognized. It might have been anger, or it might have been pain. A moment later, she replied, "I suppose." Shinji slumped even further into the seat, closing his eyes to shut out the rest of the world. He'd hoped to at least have someone to talk about his pain with. But Rei seemed to have even less emotion now than when he first arrived at Tokyo-3. As the tears gathered in Shinji's eyes, he whispered, "I can't take this loneliness anymore." He felt a soft breath against his ear as Rei leaned over next to him and whispered, "You don't have to be lonely." Then he felt her good arm release his hand and wrap around his shoulders. Too exhausted to react with his usual reluctance, Shinji allowed Rei to shift him so that his body was resting up against hers, his head supported on her shoulder. Resting there, he could feel her regular breathing and calm, steady heartbeat. Like a mother's song, they lulled him into a dreamy limbo. He felt his tears dissipate, and he quickly fell asleep. Rei's eyes were closed too. Otherwise, she would have witnessed a remarkable sight. Gendo had finished his conversation on the phone, and was staring at the two children nestled up against each other in the other seat. His frown had disappeared, replaced by an open-jawed expression of shock. He had removed his glasses... and a single tear coursed its way down his cheek. *** Misato carefully observed Gendo out of the corner of her eye. When he had stormed into the command center only a few minutes earlier, he had obviously been disturbed by something. His agitation was still evident, but he seemed to have controlled it as he watched the technicians going about their work. The incursion from the hacking computers had ended only a short while earlier, and data was still streaming in from the computers that had assaulted NERV's Magi. Maya looked up. "All the links have been severed--that's the last of it," she announced. "Beginning data extraction now." "Look at all this!" Makoto exclaimed as file after file acquired by IO appeared in the system. "Dr. Akagi's program was genius!" Harsh stares from Maya and Gendo quickly reminded him of his mistake in mentioning that name, and he sheepishly turned back to his console. Shigeru sarcastically gave him a thumbs-up and mouthed, "Nice one," but the incident was quickly forgotten as incredible amounts of information began appearing on the screens. "I want all this data scanned," Gendo ordered. "Particularly, I want to know who ordered this assault and by what mechanism. I need to know the chain of command. Also, have the Magi scan all documents for references to NERV, and the phrases 'Human Completion Project' and 'Instrumentality of Man.' Everything you find, you report to me and then promptly forget. Is that understood?" "Yes, Sir!" came the response from the staff. "Major Katsuragi!" Gendo called. "Yes, Commander?" she asked. "Have Shinji removed from his entry plug. NERV is in no immediate physical danger." Misato sighed in relief--she had not relished the prospect of asking the grim commander for permission to get Shinji out of the Eva. She leaned forward to speak into the communicator, but froze momentarily as Gendo addressed her again. "And Major, you will keep better track of the pilot's whereabouts in the future. He is not to leave the compound until I say so. You, as his guardian, must do a better job of ensuring his health and safety. If you do not, you will be replaced." Misato scowled at the harsh commentary, but did not respond. Getting Shinji out of EVA-01 was worth it. "There's a price for everything," she muttered, then reached for the communicator again. *** The rough fabric of the towel chafed Shinji's skin as he brushed the last drops of water from his legs. Unaffected by the irritation, he mechanically folded the towel and placed it on the bench next to him. He then opened his locker, the door clanging sharply against the next locker over. The sound echoed through the room. As he removed the neatly-folded clothes he had placed there earlier, Shinji thought, _This room seems so empty._ He began to pull on his underwear, and continued to muse, _Really, though, it's no more empty than before..._ His mind shied away from the thought. The nap in the limo had restored some of his strength, but he could not yet bear to face that guilt again. Shinji hurriedly pulled on the rest of his clothes--his school uniform. Unbidden, another thought came to him: _What a silly thing to wear, now that there's no more school... no more students..._ Again, his mind changed course. Too many doors of thought held pain. He pulled on his earphones, hoping that the sound of music would drown out the sound of his thoughts. But as he approached the door, a memory inserted itself over the music. <-- "A song is good!" the gangly, grey-haired boy said from his perch on the partially-submerged statue. "Songs bring us joy. I think that music is the greatest accomplishment of Lilim culture," he continued. The boy turned his head towards Shinji, revealing a pale, smiling face lit by bright red eyes. "Don't you agree, Ikari Shinji- kun?" --> Shinji felt a wrenching in his gut and put out a hand to steady himself against the doorjamb. His vision clouded as tears filled his eyes. The pain abated, though, when he heard a familiar voice say, "Hello, Ikari-kun." Shinji lifted his head quickly. His vision resolved and he confirmed with his eyes what his ears had told him. "Rei!" he gasped. "I didn't expect you to..." Rei looked to the floor, and Shinji stopped. "If you do not want me to be here, I can go," she said. Shinji stepped out further into the hallway, and replied, "N-no... I just wasn't expecting you to be here." Rei looked back up at him. "I'm g-glad you are, though..." "Do you wish to eat?" Rei asked. Shinji suddenly realized that he had barely consumed a scrap of food in the past three days. His fast had been unintentional--Shinji knew that he had not been eating, but his grief-stricken mind had attributed no importance to the fact. Suddenly, he became aware of a host of things he simply had not been bothering to notice--a dull ache in his lower back, a twisting pain in his empty stomach, and a crushing weariness that threatened to push him to the floor. _First thing's first,_ he thought, then nodded to Rei. "Yes, I... I should," he answered. "Do you want to go to the cafeteria?" Rei bowed her head, and responded, "Wherever you wish. It does not matter to me." Shinji nodded and began moving down the hall towards the cafeteria. He was halted momentarily, however, when Rei reached out and touched his hand. "Could you..." she began, but trailed off. Shinji gulped, then took her hand in his. "S-sure," he said. Her palm was cool and dry, though his was sweating a bit. Shinji looked up at Rei's face, and his vision was trapped by the faint, warm smile he saw there. _Without my asking,_ he thought, gazing at the placid smile. _Even though she's a different person, I feel... she's somehow the same..._ Rei squeezed Shinji's hand and asked, "Shall we go?" Shinji, realizing he had been staring, blushed slightly and began walking down the hall with her. *** The voice needed no face to display the stress and fear of its owner: the quaver in its high shout did that job admirably. "Fifty percent!" it boomed, filling the SEELE committee chamber. Had the monoliths been real and not holograms, it would have echoed off them. Another, calmer voice responded, "Seventy-five." "Sixty-five," countered a third. "Ninety," groaned a fourth. "This plan has been a failure, Keel," the first voice shouted, nearly becoming a shriek at the end. "Fully seventy percent of our most secret files have been downloaded into NERV databases," the third agreed. "Ikari will release enough to eradicate us," the fourth moaned. "Have you any way to counter this threat, Lorenz?" asked the second. "Yes," Keel replied. "I do." "Out with it then," the fourth voice said, still groaning in the depths of depression. "Physical assault," Keel announced. Silence ruled the chamber for a moment before the second voice articulated what all were thinking. "This is not a plausible option," it argued, "After the press conference this morning, Ikari has the whole world eating out of his palm. No government, and not even the UN, will assist us militarily in this matter without unambiguous evidence that Ikari is a traitor. It's politically impossible for them to act otherwise." Another voice added, "And evidence was precisely what today's effort *failed* to acquire." Keel's voice held firm. "Physical assault is the *only* option remaining to us. We still have control over the nine production models and their dummy plugs. And the recent recovery operation using the SHROUD satellites has returned Lancea Longini to us. With the Longinus Spear and nine S2-powered Evas, defeating EVA-01, the lone remaining android, should not pose any difficulty." "You know that if this fails, SEELE will be undone." "SEELE will certainly be destroyed if we do not try." Keel replied. "Then try we must," the fourth said. With a sighing sound, the monoliths disappeared. *** Kouzou shivered in the unusually chilly air of Gendo's office. _He must have turned up the air conditioning several notches,_ Kouzou thought as he waited for his superior to acknowledge his presence. Kouzou rubbed his upper arm. The gesture was half meant to warm the chilled limb, and half meant to dispel the Vice-Commander's nervous energy. _He knows I'm busy and irritable,_ Kouzou admitted to himself, _He just doesn't give a damn._ At long last the commander looked up from his desk. His face was once again stony and impassive, the earlier agitation having disappeared. "What is our status, Kouzou?" "Preliminary sorting of the files recovered is complete, and all those files matching your criteria are in queue for your personal directory, pending your review. More should be on their way once they are decrypted. All secondary attacks against the Magi have ceased... SEELE seems to have retreated from the confrontation." Gendo shook his head. "They may have backed down from this battle, but the committee is not yet done with the war. NERV headquarters will be locked down, starting with the morning shift. From now until further notice, no one inside the compound leaves. After the next shift comes in at 0600 hours, no one is to enter, either. Make any necessary accommodations to ensure adequate sleeping quarters." Kouzou nodded, "Yes, Gendo. You expect a physical attack?" "Of course," Gendo replied, grinning coldly. "The old men have blocked themselves into a corner. They hoped to gain NERV's secrets and use them against me. But that attempt has been used against them, and now I possess *their* dearest secrets. I am, therefore, a great threat to them--one they cannot afford to ignore. They will attack with all the force they can muster." "What kind of force *can* they muster, Gendo? Surely no military in the world will face us." Gendo had an answer ready. "They will use the production series Evangelions." Kouzou's jaw dropped. "The nine... with S2 engines?" he asked. After a moment, he continued, "I had almost forgotten about them. I suppose you have something in mind to counter that threat..." Gendo smiled. "I am always prepared. EVA-01 has its own S2 power source, and a pilot who is under my control..." _I wonder if that's true,_ Kouzou mused. Gendo continued, "...and far more capable than the dummy plugs they have available. If SEELE had the Longinus Spear, then there would be some danger, but I dont believe there's any mechanism at their disposal by which they could retrieve it." There was a short pause, and then Gendo said, "Speaking of our pilot..." Kouzou had anticipated the question. "The Third Child is sleeping in the hospital. I ordered a doctor to give him a sedative... and an IV drip with nutrients, although Shinji did eat for once." Gendo nodded. "Then there is no reason to be worried." Kouzou frowned. "You are very confident, Gendo," he said, his tone warning. "Always." "Yet you were disturbed by the attack today." Gendo shook his head, replying, "No... not by the attack." In response to Kouzou's quizzical stare, he continued, "It was in the car on the way here... I told Rei to sit beside Shinji when the call came. She did, but... she held his hand and rested his head on her shoulder." Kouzou nodded. "She chose physical contact without orders? That *is* surprising." Gendo shook his head again, and removed his glasses. "That wasn't it," he said. He rubbed his eyes as he added, "It's just that when she supported him that way, she looked... "...so much like Yui." ******* Stay tuned next week for Part Two: "Nevertheless, I have somewhat against thee, for thou hast left thy first love..." Sparky ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."--Isaac Asimov "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."--Ralph Waldo Emerson From: Sparky Clarkson Subject: [Eva][FanFic] Ascent of the Fallen, Part Two Hi everyone, Here ya go. HTML version is available at http://members.tripod.com/Sage_Ohlmin/evafic.htm "Spoken Japanese" _Thoughts_ *Emphasis* <-- Flashbacks --> C&C adored, flames deplored. NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: ASCENT OF THE FALLEN By Sparky Clarkson Part Two: "Nevertheless, I have somewhat against thee, for thou hast left thy first love..." (Revelation 2:4) ******* "You don't have to come here, if you don't want to," Shinji said quietly. While his drug-induced sleep of the previous night had not been as beneficial as a normal rest might have been, he still felt somewhat better. After all, even drugged sleep was better than none. Shinji stood outside the door to Asuka's room, with his hand on the door. Rei waited patiently next to him. She seemed uncomfortable somehow, though her face was just as impassive as ever. Perhaps it was a hint of nervous movement around her normally still frame--a twitch of the fingers, a shuddering of the chest, or a trembling of the legs. "I... should," she said, uncertainly. "Are you sure?" Rei gathered herself, standing straighter than before, and took a deep breath. The nervous aura dissipated, and she said in a stronger voice, "Yes. I am certain." Shinji nodded and opened the door, revealing the same antiseptic chamber he had visited the day before. The once-vivacious pilot lay on her back in the bed, her vacant eyes trained blankly on the ceiling. He shivered, seeing the pilot of EVA-02 laying limply, passively on the bed. Asuka's frozen form made the room somehow seem colder than the rest of the hospital. "So still..." Rei gasped quietly. Shocked to hear the emotion in her voice, Shinji whirled his head around in time to catch a glimpse of her expression. A great wave of pain and sorrow cascaded across Rei's face momentarily, but the tumult quickly subsided, her gaze returning to its impassive norm. Shinji awkwardly reached out and squeezed Rei's hand, and attempted to say something that would comfort her. However, he couldn't find the words he needed. Eventually he gave up and stepped into the room. Shinji pulled a chair up next to the bed, on Asuka's left. The sheets had been pulled back a bit, and she had on a new gown--a red one. Shinji found himself comparing it unfavorably to the color of her hair. Rei walked to the foot of the bed and stood there. Shinji pointed out a chair, but she said, "I... can't stay long. You are better for her than I am." Shinji stared at Rei oddly for a moment, but quickly turned back to Asuka. He heard Rei whispering something, but forced himself to focus on the devastated girl despite his curiosity. Gently, he reached out and took Asuka's hand, holding it as he might grasp a bubble--fearful of putting any pressure on it. He said nothing, but stared into Asuka's sightless eyes, hoping that they might be the route some sign of awareness used to escape the dark pit of her soul. After about a minute, Shinji heard the door open and close again as Rei left. He was almost glad for the sound--a kind of sign that things could change. But the noise disappeared quickly, dissipating into a thousand tiny echoes that died hopelessly in the small room. Shinji and Asuka were left alone--alone and still, much as they had been earlier. This time, though, the quiet tableau seemed more wholesome, the calm stillness of sleep more than the frozen paralysis of death. But the children's peacefulness was only an illusion. When Shinji had taken Asuka's hand, her mind had been unsettled. Now, as he gently massaged it, gazing hopefully into her vacant eyes, total war had at last begun to consume the soul to which those bright blue eyes were the window. *** The warm, syrupy LCL surrounded Asuka's naked body, insinuating itself into every pore, every crevice, every orifice. The thick liquid clung to her thighs like the wanton caress of a rapist, and violated her mouth with its ash-like flavor. Asuka, spread-eagled, tried to cover herself in shame, but found that her arms and legs were immobile. Her neck was also frozen, forcing her to gaze in horror on the object she hated most in all the world. A doll. Kyoko's "Asuka" doll that she had "killed" before hanging herself floated in front of the red-haired Eva pilot. It had been a small thing in the world, a tiny rag stuffed with cotton lumps. But now it had bloated into an enormous, mountain-sized monstrosity. Its once- limp limbs were now animated, and its sewn-on smile had transformed into a face-wide, malicious grin. This experience was familiar to Asuka. Though much of her time in the past few weeks since her synchronization ratio had dropped to zero had been a mental blank, there had been a few periods during which Asuka's mind was filled with hallucinations. This had been a frequent vision, thrust upon her several times without warning. Before, it had stayed for barely a moment. Now, however, the nightmare clung to its spot in her consciousness, bringing stillness to her mental milieu. Stillness meant no reprieve from pain, though. The doll began to speak, its voice a high, ear-shattering whine. "*I'm* more important than *you*," the doll gloated, "Mommy loves *me* more." Asuka recognized the sound--it was a mockery of her own voice, as it sounded when she was at her most cruel. She tried to cover her ears to block out the auditory reminder of her sins, but her stony limbs would not comply. Helplessness angered Asuka. "That's not true!" she screamed in reply to the doll's taunt. "You don't matter at all! You're nothing but a stupid doll!" "Stupid," the doll repeated, inflecting the word so that it hit Asuka like a harpoon. "You call so many things stupid..." it teased, and began a series of grotesque transformations. Its head shifted shape so that it looked like Rei's, and the doll said, "Stupid Rei is so much like a doll. She only does what others order her to." Asuka said nothing, though she felt vaguely sick on hearing the apparition speak this way. The doll changed again. Now it bore Shinji's face, which had a caricatured expression of fear on it. "Stupid Shinji is a weak little boy, running away from his problems," the doll sneered. "Such a pathetic waste, isn't he?" "No..." Asuka growled through clenched teeth. She recognized the thought as hers, but no longer wished to accept her own words. However right they may have seemed when she said them, they sounded wrong coming from this monster. The doll didn't stop. It continued with its litany, each time changing its face to caricature the person it was talking about. "Stupid Misato is a slut... stupid Touji and Kensuke are perverts and idiots... stupid Hikari doesn't understand your problems..." The doll reverted to its original face. "Only little *Asuka* matters," it mocked. "Tell me, *little girl*," it continued, "what isn't stupid? What won't you spite?" Asuka sniffed and tried to raise her chin. "Eva isn't stupid," she replied. "Aw," the doll pouted, "But little Asuka can't pilot the Eva anymore. She is useless. She refused to help other people with their pain, and ran away from her own. But she could not run away forever. Now she has become a doll, just like me. She does not move unless others move her, does not eat unless others feed her. She is a burden--dead, useless weight." "NO!" Asuka shouted, but in her heart, she knew the truth. "It's better this way, though, isn't it?" the doll purred. "Before you turned into a limp little doll, all you did was hurt other people. At least you won't cause the people who care about you any more pain..." "I didn't..." Asuka protested, but her voice was feeble, and the words held no force. Already, her mind was filling with a thousand memories. Every slight, every insult, every slap, and every sharp word she had said came flowing back into her consciousness. Every person she knew, and some she didn't, had been the victim of her assaults, verbal and physical. All were in her memories: Shinji, Misato, Rei, Touji, Ritsuko, her father... and her mother. *** As Shinji gently massaged her hand, Asuka began to shiver. Again, a single word escaped her throat. "Mommy..." Without any further warning, Asuka began flailing around on the bed. Her writhing quickly pushed her sheets to the side, and sent Shinji tumbling to the floor as a knee and an elbow caught him in the chest and face. Shinji felt no pain, however--he barely even realized that he had been knocked down. In an instant, he was back on his feet, trying to subdue Asuka so she didn't hurt herself. He groped frantically for the panic button to call the nurses while he muttered anything he could think of to calm Asuka down. Still, Asuka's eyes were vacant. *** At last the barrage of memories ceased. The doll laughed--again, the sound was a twisted version of Asuka's own voice. "What a pity," it gloated, "They all tried to care for you, and all you could give them in return was pain. How lucky they are that you can't hurt them anymore." Asuka hung her head. _What have I done?_ she asked herself. _What kind of a monster have I been?_ "Why cling to life?" the doll asked, grinning evilly. "All you did while you were alive was hurt people. Sure, for a while your ability to pilot Eva made up for your wretched, hurtful personality, but now you don't even have that anymore. Why live? Don't you want to die? That, at least, would make all the people you wounded happier." "Yes... die..." Asuka murmured, her head still hung low. Tears filled her eyes as she realized what pain she had caused to the only people who might be considered her friends. "They'll be happier without me," she whispered. Then she heard very faintly, as if from a great distance, a familiar boy's voice saying, "Please wake up, Asuka... I need you..." _He still... cares?_ Asuka wondered. Her head snapped up and she glared at the doll, the animated mockery of life that floated in front of her. _If I die, I can't make up for what I've done,_ she realized. _That damn thing was trying to make me hurt them even more!_ Her nostrils flared, and she felt something rising up within her, an emotion she had not felt in a long time--rage. The anger she had shown and felt in the past was nothing compared to this emotion. It was more than the overacted frustration she expressed when the Eva wouldn't work, more than the annoyance that made her yell at Shinji. Pure, white-hot rage burned in her chest, searing her heart. The heat spread into her frozen limbs, freeing them for action, then poured into her lungs and erupted from her mouth in a furious howl. "YOU!" she screamed at the doll, "You lie! You lied to my mother, and convinced her to kill herself! And now, you're lying to me!" Asuka felt that something had changed. She looked down at herself and saw that somehow, her plugsuit had appeared on her. Now, protected from the doll's button-eyed gaze and the tainted caress of the LCL, Asuka felt even stronger. "You told me to kill myself so I wouldn't have to face the harm I caused! But you knew I would hurt everyone even more! Do you think I am an idiot?!" she screamed, realizing as she did so that another protective shell was forming around her: the entry plug. Nonetheless, she continued, "You can't fool me! You're a lie! An empty illusion! That's all you ever were! And it's *all* you ever *will be*!" And suddenly, she felt around her the strength, the power, of EVA-02. *** Shigeru looked up from his console. "I just registered a small power surge in Unit Two. It's gone now," he said. Maya shrugged. "Keep an eye on it," she replied. "And tell me if it happens again. But it was probably nothing." *** The doll began shrinking as the massive form of EVA-02 approached it. Asuka withdrew her progressive knife and sliced through the doll's bloated body with a single blow. As the pieces drifted apart from each other, they revealed behind them the sight of a hospital room, and a face she had not thought she would ever see again. *** Asuka stopped her flailing and lay still on the bed for a moment. Nervous and on the verge of tears out of concern for his fellow pilot, Shinji leaned over her to check for any injuries. Just as he was scanning Asuka's face, her eyes lost their vacancy and focused on him, lighting up in recognition. She convulsively lunged forward, knocking him back into the chair. She followed his fall, leaning forward so that her head was resting on his shoulder, her arms thrown around his neck. "Shinji," she cried, tears running down her cheeks, "I'm sorry I called you stupid... I never meant it... please don't hate me!" Shinji, startled and confused, spluttered for a few moments as he tried to reply. "I-I-I... I... I... d-don't h-hate you, A-Asuka. I... I... n-never did. I..." but whatever he had meant to say next was drowned out by the clanging of alarms throughout NERV headquarters. *** "Peripheral defense sensors detect nine targets. The Magi classify them as Evangelion units 05 through 13," Makoto announced, gnawing his lower lip as he studied his screens. The usual combat duty group, without Ristuko, had taken their places in Central Dogma. "Magi estimate 95% chance that target intentions are hostile." "All nine," Kouzou muttered. "As I expected, the old men have become so desperate that they will try anything," Gendo replied, a cold smile on his face. "In their desperation, they'll succeed unless *we* do something," Kouzou noted. "Solving that problem is Major Katsuragi's duty," Gendo said. "You will assist her in the task. I have something that I must attend to." "What..?" Kouzou asked, shocked, but Gendo was already leaving the command center. "You are in charge, Fuyutsuki," Gendo said as he left. When he reached the door, he turned around for a moment, and added, "You are authorized to use all available force--all pilots and Evas are expendable. I'm sure your defense will be adequate." Kouzou shuddered at the sight of the cold, malicious smile Gendo was wearing. Before he could frame a reply, though, the Commander disappeared down the hallway. Kouzou shook his head and turned back to the command center, where the staff had settled completely into their normal positions. _What a strange thing is war,_ he thought, _For the soldier, even the most deadly battle becomes business--but a terrible business. 'All pilots and Evas are expendable,' Gendo says. But everyone here knows that there is only one Eva, one pilot. And so the soldier makes a businesslike decision to sentence his son to death._ The aging professor shook his head once more. "Now is no time for introspection," he muttered, then shouted, "I want options! We must defend Headquarters at all costs!" Misato turned around and shrugged. "I'm open to suggestions," she said, "We have one operational Evangelion that we have to use to face nine. Nine! And with S2 engines! And how the hell did they get a hold of that thing Rei used against the fifteenth?" Kouzou sat down at the desk in the top level of the command center and dropped his head into his hands. He was no military genius, but he knew that against this kind of foe, NERV had only one working weapon. _Damn you, Gendo, for making me do this,_ he thought, then raised his head and stood again. "We have only one option," he announced, "Headquarters has suffered too much damage to defend against a siege." Misato nodded glumly, and momentary silence fell across the bustling command center. The Major wiped her eyes, flicking away the small amount of moisture that had accumulated there. "Notify the pilot," she ordered, "Prepare to sortie EVA-01." *** "Shinji, I'm sorry... I hoped it was over, but..." "Don't be, Misato," Shinji replied from inside his entry plug. The boy looked exhausted, both mentally and physically, but he managed a slight smile. "This isn't your fault." _How can we sentence him to death like this? He doesn't stand a chance!_ Misato thought. Tears filled her eyes, and she didn't bother to wipe them away. "Shinji," she said, reaching out to touch the screen that showed her his face, "come... come back safe." "I will, Misato... I won't fail you..." Misato nodded, and rested her head in her hand, as if covering her eyes might end the nightmare she and all the people of NERV now faced. She managed to choke back her sob, and croak, "Launch." _He's doing this for me..._ she thought, _When will he have a chance to do something for himself?_ As she watched the monitors showing EVA-01's rise through the network of tunnels leading to the surface, she clenched her fist. _Soon,_ she promised, _I'll make sure he gets a chance for happiness. Even if it means that I have to fight these damned angels with my own bare hands._ *** Gendo's quick, determined steps echoed from the shadow-draped walls of the cavernous basement room. He paused, and gazed into the darkness for a moment, eventually calling, "Rei." In response, the lights flickered on to show the girl, dressed in her school uniform and seated on the edge of the bare, uncomfortable mattress that served as her bed. Rei's blank expression did not waver as she replied, "Yes." "It is time," Gendo said, and removed his white leather gloves. Even in the dim light of the basement chamber, anyone could have clearly seen the embryonic form of Adam, the first angel, implanted in the palm of the Commander's right hand. Rei slowly, smoothly, stood up and answered, "Perhaps." "All the required signs have been fulfilled," Gendo replied. The tiny form of Adam began to glow slightly. Gendo smiled coldly and continued, "See, even now he aches to greet his bride. The prophecy in the Dead Sea scrolls has come to its critical juncture--our actions now will decide the fate of all who come after us." A shadow of irritation impinged briefly on Rei's vacant expression, but vanished quickly. She shrugged and said, "If you believe so, we shall try." "Follow me." "I know the way..." *** The production-model Eva units had not bothered to use any complicated tactical formation--indeed, they hadn't even bothered to go airborne. They outnumbered the sole purple giant facing them by such an absurd margin that strategy no longer mattered. The grey-white giants simply formed a single-file front as they approached EVA-01 through the ruins of Tokyo-3. Not all the units were exactly alike, however. EVA-05, which was walking in the middle of the line a few steps behind the others, carried the Longinus Spear. SEELE's secret recovery operation had brought the powerful weapon into the hands of their pseudo-mechanized soldiers. EVA-01 faced the oncoming squadron of Evas impassively from the middle of the shattered city. Shinji unconsciously growled as he surveyed the opposition. He desperately tried to think of something to do against them, but his exhausted, overwrought mind kept drawing blanks. Misato's face appeared on a video window. "Shinji, pay attention to the one with the spear. I don't really know what it is, but I remember Rei used it to kill the fifteenth angel, so it must be pretty powerful. Keep your eye on it." Shinji nodded, and focused on EVA-05. The unit was swinging out to the left, behind the line of production Evas. "Be careful, Shinji," Kouzou warned, "He's trying to flank you. That weapon, the Longinus Spear, is the most dangerous thing on the battlefield. You must avoid getting hit with it at all costs." Shinji nodded, but did not respond. He kept his eyes on EVA-05, but something about its movement seemed odd. At least, odd if it truly intended to flank him while the other eight performed a frontal assault. EVA-05 had swung out behind the line of Evas, and had come up to the left of the rest of them. However, it had not moved any further left, nor any further forward than the rest of the line. "Range one kilometer," Makoto announced over the combat radio band, and the Evas stopped. With the exception of EVA-05, they all drew their progressive knives. Shinji tensed into a crouch, willing his Eva to grasp its own knife even more tightly. EVA-05 pulled back its arm, getting ready to hurl the spear. *** Gendo stood at the edge of the lake of LCL, staring up at the white giant still pinned to the cross. Lilith had been regenerating since the Longinus Spear was removed from her side, but while her torso had regrown, there was no sign of a waist or legs. "Incomplete," he muttered, "I expected full healing. The Scrolls say nothing about this, though, so I suppose there's no contradiction." Turning to the girl who stood beside him, he commanded, "Rei, get ready. We will proceed." The albino girl glared at him for a moment, then shrugged and began to strip. She carelessly tossed the school clothes she was wearing to the ground in an untidy heap. Once nude, she turned back to the Commander and said, "I am ready." Gendo smiled, and muttered, "Excellent." He began walking into the lake of LCL, Rei only a few steps behind. Though wide, the lake was deceptively shallow--only about thigh-deep on the Commander. After a few minutes of walking, he and the albino girl stood at the foot of the cross. "It will not be long now, Rei," Gendo said, "When 01 is destroyed, Yui will be free, and we will commence Third Impact together." "How will we know?" Rei asked. "SEELE has reacquired the Longinus Spear, or they would never attack," Gendo replied. "Contact between the Spear and Unit One's core will cause an explosion large enough to be felt even here. When the core is destroyed, Yui's soul will be freed--something you will feel because you are partially made of her." "Very well," Rei said, nodding. A moment later she asked, "Must Shinji die to allow Third Impact?" Gendo shrugged, and replied, "There's no other way to free Yui. We must have our priorities, after all..." *** Shinji crouched, trying to anticipate when and how EVA-05 would finally throw the Longinus Spear at him. The production Evas, silent and still, regarded him coldly with their glowing eyes. The ten units held the tableau for almost a minute. Then, EVA-05 wheeled and threw the Longinus Spear down the line of production model Evas. The aim was perfect--it tore through the center of each Eva, destroying all eight S2 organs and cores. Shinji barely had enough time to develop a full AT field before the Evas exploded in a massive firestorm. *** Terminal Dogma shuddered, sending a massive oscillation through the lake of LCL. "At last," Gendo said, struggling to keep his balance. "Finally we can be reunited, Yui." Only a moment later, however, he felt a searing pain in his right hand. _Something has gone wrong,_ he realized as he held it up in front of him. His eyes widened as he saw that Adam was peeling away from the surface of his palm. Gendo tried to push the embryonic angel back onto his skin, but every time he touched the tiny creature his fingers came afire with pain. "Damn!" he swore as the embryo at last broke free, leaving a large, burn-like wound on his palm. Gendo clutched his hand in agony and thrust it into the LCL in an attempt to deaden the intense pain. After a few seconds, the oxygen-carrying fluid had a mild effect, and he was able to look around to see what had become of the First Angel. The glowing, embryonic form flopped around on the small island in the middle of the LCL lake for a few seconds, then shuddered and started to grow. Four wings spread from its back, and it took on the shape it had held during the Second Impact. Still, however, it was very small. Gendo reached for it, but missed, stumbled, and landed on his wounded hand. In agony, he again thrust his hand into the LCL. Gendo was horrified to see Adam move to hover in front of Rei, still growing. After a moment, Adam turned towards Lilith and tried to approach her. However, as the tiny angel came close to the giant, some force seemed to push it away. Adam tried three times, but to no avail. Seemingly resigned to the fact that it could not unite with Lilith, the angel hovered back towards Rei. Gendo overcame the pain in his palm, leaped forward, and attempted to seize Adam, but the angel nimbly eluded his grasp and shot towards the albino girl. Gendo fell to the floor horrified as he watched it rocket towards Rei, entering her mouth. Rei clutched at her throat for a moment, as if she was choking, but whatever had caused her to do so quickly disappeared. She stood stock- still for a moment, and then began to glow. Pearly light radiated from her skin, and her eyes had the appearance of fire. The glow only lasted for about a minute; as Gendo was at last picking himself up, still clutching his wounded hand, the glow subsided. Gendo stared at Rei for a moment, then asked, "What happened?" "Adam was inside of me, but... he is gone now," Rei said. "It seems the scenario has changed." "So it has," Gendo said, looking at his damaged palm. _Someone resisted my plan--probably my damned son. Well, next time I'll be more careful. I *will not* be defeated!_ he raged mentally. He dug his fingers into his palm, wincing at the pain. _Yui,_ he thought, _I *will* have you back. God himself cannot stop me!_ Gendo fumed as he stormed across the LCL lake, so caught up in his anger that he did not see what Rei was doing. She stood at Lilith's foot, staring at the retreating form of the Commander. And as she watched him, her gaze grew progressively darker, concentrating for one moment into an expression of rage. As Gendo left the LCL, though, Rei's face became blank. She mechanically followed the Commander out of Terminal Dogma. *** The explosive force of the firestorm eradicated most of what remained of Tokyo-3. The foundations of destroyed buildings were filled up by flying dirt and debris, and the few remaining walls were shattered into millions of pieces of rubble that were further broken down by the intense heat and strong wind as they blew through the air. A large part of the new lake was vaporized, and the last traces of the northern portion of Tokyo-3 disappeared. Through the haze of fire and destruction, Shinji saw that EVA-05 was still standing. As the explosion receded, leaving a thousand small blazes burning in its wake, he noticed that the white Eva had managed to erect an AT field around itself. "Are you OK, Shinji?" Misato asked over the vidlink. "I'm fine..." he replied, as he willed his EVA-01 to walk towards the remaining production-model Eva. He was still over half a kilometer away when he saw the large biomechanical robot wave at him. Thrown off by the odd gesture, Shinji stopped his advance. EVA-05 then slumped as its neck plate opened and the entry plug ejected. Shinji immediately moved forward to recover the plug, but stopped when Misato said, "We saw the entry plug ejection, Shinji. You don't need to worry about recovery. With the northern section totally leveled, we shouldn't have too much trouble getting to it... I want you to return to headquarters." Shinji stopped for a moment. He wanted to see who had been piloting the rebellious Eva, but being in EVA-01 had always been tiring. The effect was only enhanced by the mental effort he exerted to keep from thinking about what he had done in the biomechanical robot only three days ago. Still, the prospect of meeting the pilot drew him... His problem was solved quickly when Misato slyly added, "Besides, I hear there's someone down in the infirmary who's *very* interested in seeing you again right away." Shinji's only consolation was that Asuka wasn't seeing his bright red blush of embarrassment. *** Rei sat naked on the edge of her bed in the basement of NERV headquarters, gazing intently into the surrounding darkness. Her outward calm, however, disguised a rapid heartbeat and irregular breathing. Her hair, damp though the room was cool, hung limply on her forehead. <-- Darkness surrounded her. Suddenly, a flash of light appeared directly in front of her and a glowing ocean of particles began moving away from the center of her visual field. --> _I have never seen this..._ she thought, as the strange memory replayed itself over and over in her head. _Darkness... and then light... I do not understand the meaning..._ She shook her head, and the repetitious vision cleared from her mind. _I do not want to stay here alone right now,_ she thought, and began to dress. *** Shinji cringed back in his chair briefly, then stared at the floor. Asuka shook her head and dropped her spoon back into the bowl, reaching out to grab his chin. She tilted Shinji's face up so that he was looking at her again. "Don't pout, stupid," she said. "I didn't really mean that. I just... I've been a big burden on everyone for a while, and it's important to me that I do things for myself right now- -even if they're really simple." "So y-you're not mad at me?" Shinji asked quietly. He looked as if he were fighting to keep from running out of the room. "Of course not, silly. I... I just overreacted," Asuka replied. Seeing Shinji relax a little, Asuka continued, "In fact, I really appreciate your offering to help, but... right now, I've got to be the one who takes care of me--even with something as basic as eating." The traces of Asuka's attempts to do just that were now gracing her red gown. Because she had gone nearly a week without moving, her muscles had atrophied considerably and controlling them was a bit difficult. After she had spilled several spoonfuls of the thick stew on herself, Shinji had offered to help. Her loud negative response had nearly driven him from the room. "Oh..." Shinji said. "Okay." He relaxed further in the chair. Asuka released his chin and grabbed the spoon again. With some effort, she managed to get most of the stew she picked up with it into her mouth. She continued with her extremely messy eating, somehow getting about half of the bowl into her mouth. At last, she pushed the small rolling table that had the bowl on it away, and said, "Oh, that felt good. But I want to have your cooking again. This hospital food is so... bland." Shinji made an embarrassed smile and blushed. He was not used to getting so much attention from the fiery pilot of EVA-02. Forgetting himself, he grabbed a napkin and wiped a bit of food off Asuka's cheek. He realized the error almost instantly when she narrowed her eyes, but she didn't yell at him. Instead she smiled and said, "Thanks," making Shinji even more confused. Asuka stared at the boy briefly, observing his unusually gaunt condition. After a moment, she asked, "Shinji, have *you* been eating any of your cooking?" Shinji looked down again, and replied, "I... no. I haven't felt much like eating recently." "Because of me?" "You, and... some other things..." Shinji said, seeming to shrink somewhat in his chair. Asuka reached towards Shinji again, but stopped halfway through the motion. The boy looked almost like he was about to cry. Asuka's expression softened. She gently rested her hand on Shinji's shoulder and squeezed. Quietly, she said, "Shinji, I... I know I haven't been the best roommate or friend in the past. But I'd like to change that. So if you need to talk about... whatever is hurting you... I... I'm willing to listen." Shinji looked up, his eyes brimming with tears, but he was wearing a small, sad smile. "I... I don't think I'm ready yet," he replied, his voice nearly cracking, "But... thank you very much for offering." Asuka smiled back, then was taken with a powerful yawn. Embarrassed, she explained, "I know it sounds weird, but I'm really sleepy. All that time I spent comatose didn't do much good for me. I think I'll go to bed soon." Shinji nodded, and leaned back in his chair, wiping the moisture out of his eyes. A few moments went by, and then Shinji realized that Asuka was giving him an irritated stare. He returned a questioning gaze, and she replied, "Well, I can't sleep in this gravy-covered thing, Dummkopf! And I'm not going to change in front of you!" Shinji reddened, and almost fell over as he stood up too fast. Shinji quickly retreated from the room, chased by Asuka's snort and call of "Pervert!" But he had seen as he left that the customary epithet had been accompanied by a smile. *** "Then you feel the danger is past?" Kouzou asked. Gendo's office had grown even colder, causing Kouzou's joints to ache. _Next time, I'll just confer with him on a secure phone,_ Kouzou thought as he fought to keep himself from shivering. "Temporarily. My efforts down in Terminal Dogma to prevent Third Impact, combined with the rebellion of EVA-05, set SEELE back immensely. They will spend a great deal of time trying to figure out what exactly went wrong. By the time they understand what happened, I will be in a position to crush them if I so choose." Kouzou nodded and moved to the next item on his mental agenda. "Major Katsuragi has formally requested that I release Shinji back into her care," Kouzou informed the younger man. "She feels that he should not have to spend any more time in the complex than necessary." Gendo nodded, but said, "The boy may leave headquarters if he wishes. Do not, however, remand him to Major Katsuragi's custody. Let him go wherever he wants." "I will have him watched, of course," Kouzou said. "There is the danger from the EVA-05 pilot." "There's still no progress on finding him?" Gendo asked, his tone dark. "None. Despite the lack of cover around the plug's landing site, the recovery teams could find no trace of him," Kouzou said, shaking his head. "Our investigative team has discovered unmistakable signs that the dummy plug was a clone and not software. The LCL was saved in case an absorption event occurred, but the circumstantial evidence does not really agree with such an explanation." Gendo frowned. "I am not pleased with this outcome. I will expect Lieutenant Ibuki's analysis of the LCL tomorrow morning, so that this matter can be cleared up. "Still, there is no reason to be worried. Have the First Child watched, but do not interfere if SEELE's pilot tries to contact him. The health and safety of the boy may no longer be such a high priority." Kouzou stiffened at the implication, but coldly replied, "Yes, commander." Gendo raised an eyebrow, but did not comment on Fuyutsuki's obvious reticence. Instead he said, "The Spear." "Our crews have retrieved Lancea Longini. Do you want it replaced in Lilith's side?" "No. For now, just place it in storage." Kouzou frowned again, but nodded. "As you wish." "Very well." *** "He just needs a little time, I'm sure," Makoto said. He and Misato were both seated on the couch in her apartment, though neither one was holding a beer, for once. Misato was clearly agitated, and drummed her fingers furiously on the cushions. "But after Asuka woke up and those Evangelions were destroyed, I just thought he'd be able to..." she said, trailing off. Makoto smiled and said, "Hey, it's not your fault. All that business with Kaoru had to have hurt him severely. Asuka may be back, but he's still got a lot to work out." Misato pulled a stray hair out from in front of her face. "You're certainly being very perceptive today." Makoto grinned. "I'm a man of many skills," he said. "I know *that*," Misato said, reveling in the furious blush the statement elicited from the technician. "I'm just worried... if Shinji somehow found out what was piloting those Evas, he might... he might lose it." Makoto's grin grew even wider as he said, "I thought of that, too. To make sure it didn't happen, I decided to use the computer skills that enabled me to uncover some secrets for you to put the lid back on one. NERV should thank me for making an ironclad firewall around at least one file. Only you, Fuyutsuki, or the Commander can access that report now." Misato impulsively hugged the technician. "Thank you," she said. Not expecting this reaction, Makoto could barely decide whether to feel absolute joy or utter terror. The embrace was cut short by a quiet knock at the door. Misato and Makoto both stood up quickly. Misato was running for the door immediately, with Makoto following more at a more leisurely pace. But while the person at the door was a surprise, Misato was still disappointed. "Rei?" she asked. The girl stood outside the door with her head bowed, dressed in her school clothes. Rei raised her face to look at Misato and asked, "Is Shinji here?" Misato was somewhat taken aback by the question, but replied, "No, Rei. I'm sorry, I have no idea where he is. Do you want to come in for a minute? Makoto and I were about to have dinner. It's instant, but..." Rei paused for a moment as if considering the offer, then graced Misato with a slight smile. "If it is no trouble..." she replied as the Major gaped. "Oh... oh no, it's no trouble at all," Misato said, moving out of the doorway. The young pilot entered, nodding to Misato and Makoto as she did. Misato ran off to the kitchen to get some more of the ready-made noodles cooking. Makoto smiled nervously at Rei as she removed her shoes. He had never had any real idea how to deal with the strange girl. _She's just too quiet,_ he thought, _It's not normal for a girl these days to be like that._ He was instantly disproved, however, as Rei giggled softly. Makoto's eyebrows went up and his jaw went down--he'd never heard her do that before. "Wha..." he squeaked. Rei giggled again. "You're preening like a bantam rooster for Misato," she said quietly. Makoto's jaw hung open awkwardly. He'd never heard a sentence that inventive out of her... ever. Makoto was still staring at Rei in shock when Misato brought the food in. *** Twilight had passed, and the room was dark. Shinji still didn't feel that he could go back to Misato's home. Something kept calling him back here... ...back to Kaoru's room. The floor was uncomfortable underneath him, but Shinji barely noticed. The SDAT was drowning out all the noises that the world might make, and his tightly shut eyes blocked out all sights. Sleep had just managed to draw him into its fold, and the dream was beginning again. Shinji's face had no expression, but in his mind he was smiling. His memory was again playing back for him the sight of Kaoru humming the "Ode to Joy." And so Shinji did not hear the door open. And he did not hear the pad of feet through the apartment. Locked in the throes of his dream, he did not hear any of these things, nor could he have seen them even with open eyes, because night had brought such total darkness to the apartment. The person who had entered stood in the door of the room, carefully and quietly removing his plugsuit. The synchronization-boosting clothing was left by the door as the newcomer made his way to a dresser, removing nightclothes from it and pulling them on. Shinji groaned quietly. The dream was taking its usual dark turn. He relived his tortured descent through NERV headquarters, his heart and mind torn by his friend's betrayal. The newcomer turned, alerted by the sound to the distress of the boy sleeping on the floor. The newcomer frowned and sighed. He walked over to the boy, and whispered, "Not tonight, Shinji-kun." He knelt by the pilot of EVA-01, gently slipping one arm under Shinji's neck and the other under his knees. With just a slight grunt of exertion, he lifted Shinji and put him on the bed. Shinji's face immediately eased, and the tension in his muscles evaporated further as the newcomer slipped into the bed beside him. "Sweet dreams, Shinji-kun," Kaoru sighed as he put one arm around his friend. And lost in sleep, Shinji also sighed contentedly. For his dream was playing back the memory of a smiling Kaoru saying, "I love you." ******* Next week, look for Part Three: "Behold, how good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!" Sparky From: Sparky Clarkson Subject: [Eva][FanFic] Ascent of the Fallen, Part Three Hi everyone, Here's the third part of Ascent of the Fallen. As always, an HTML version is available at Heaven's Gate-- http://members.tripod.com/Sage_Ohlmin/evafic.htm I won't be releasing a new part next week because I'll be moving to Chapel Hill, NC. Sorry. I'll try and come up with something to make it up to you. Also, some people reported problems reading the HTML versions on the webpage. I think I found the cause--an extraneous BODY tag that didn't contain any parameters. It shouldn't cause any problems, but on some people's browsers it interfered with the readability of the page. That has been fixed, so everything should be fine now. As always, "This is spoken Japanese" _These are thoughts_ *This is emphasized* <-- These are flashbacks --> Enjoy! NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: ASCENT OF THE FALLEN By Sparky Clarkson Part Three: "Behold, how good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!" (Psalms 133:1) ******* Gendo carefully closed the heavy tome, letting the aging parchment leaves slowly nestle together before he pushed the book to the side of his desk with a pensive grunt. Tired from straining to read the cramped handwriting, he leaned back and removed his amber-tinted glasses. He rubbed his eyes for a moment, wincing as the new burn on his right hand rubbed up painfully against the abrasive gauze that wrapped it. He then leaned forward again and briefly massaged his temples, muttering, This is the one--it has to be. After relaxing this way for a moment, Gendo straightened his back and placed the amber shields in front of his eyes again. SEELEs algorithm should take care of this, he whispered, allowing the corners of his mouth to turn slightly upwards in a mirthless smile. He touched a switch, and a panel on the top of his desk slid away, allowing a computer to emerge. He started to type, his fingers flowing rapidly over the keys except when a large moment caused another stab of pain from his right hand. He called up a copy of the book in its original Latin, then activated the stolen translation program. On the screen, the Latin words began to change. Single words, phrases, or occasionally entire paragraphs of the ancient text would change color, then transform into another word or phrase in Latin. Within moments, those words too would disappear, then reappear as their Japanese equivalents. A small bar at the bottom of the screen recorded the programs rapid progress through the book. With the power of the Magi driving the translation, the task would be complete in minutes. Gendos smile broadened, but grew no warmer. He leaned back in his chair again, calmly grabbing a glass of ice water that sat on the edge of his desk. He sipped the frigid beverage slowly as he watched the Magi uncover the message hidden in the old bible and translate it into Japanese. As he drank, the status bar filled rapidly. Within moments, the huge passage had been reduced to a few short paragraphs of Japanese. Gendo scanned the output carefully, examining each word for its nuances and implications. Gendo nodded calmly as he finished his work and closed the file. Excellent, he murmured, I can still achieve my goal. I need only one sign to confirm the new scenario. He placed the empty glass on his desk and leaned forward, resting his chin on his hands. _And this time,_ he added mentally, _nothing will stand in my way..._ *** Sleep clung jealously to Shinji after its long absence, its soft embrace holding him in the space between dreaming and waking for several minutes. As he lay in the soft bed with his eyes closed, it almost seemed to Shinji that he was still living his last dream. His sleeping mind had imagined a pleasant day on the mountain with Kaoru, an afternoon marked by a picnic on the soft grass, with gentle breezes ruffling the leaves on the trees. Shinji could still almost feel the soft wind brushing against his face, and Kaorus arm draped around his shoulders. At last, though, the ghost of sleep finally departed and Shinjis eyes slowly opened. They widened quickly when he realized that he was not alone in his bed. Hed seen the face that shared his pillow only briefly before, but Shinji felt like he knew every bit of it intimately, from the unruly mop of grey hair to the sharp chin. The other boys milky, nearly translucent skin glowed golden in the rays of morning sun that shone through the window, but the gentle light had not yet awakened him. His arms, wrapped around Shinjis shoulders, had pulled the brown-haired boy close enough that the grey-haired ones soft breath brushed lightly against Shinjis cheek. The other boys eyes were closed, but Shinji did not need to see red irises to recognize his friend. Shinji's own eyes clouded with tears as he gazed over the person in front of him. _Could I still be dreaming?_ he asked himself. He dared not hope that the sight confronting him was real, and he feared to move or make any sound, lest the apparition evaporate. Finally, though, he could not hold back any longer and softly whispered, "Kaoru-kun!" The eyes in front of him fluttered open. The red tint that had once dominated them was now almost gone, replaced by a light mahogany color. The pale boy smiled gently and tenderly said, "Good morning, Shinji-kun." "Are... are you... real?" Shinji asked, his body trembling. "I am as real as you are," Kaoru replied, squeezing Shinji's shoulder for emphasis. Shinji didn't stop trembling. "B-but... how?" he asked, "I... I... killed you. How... why..." Kaoru placed a finger over the shaking boy's lips. "I told you," he explained, "I am able to die... to be or not to be. You helped me discard my angelic body. Rather than return to heaven and live there without you, I chose to fall and become mortal. I chose to become human and be with you, Shinji-kun." "But I... with my... E... Eva..." Kaoru shook his head, and replied, "You had to do it. I *asked* you to do it. How could it change the way I feel about you? I told you I love you, Shinji. Nothing is going to change that." Shinji felt wrung-out, all the strength evaporating from his body as relief, uncertainty, and happiness coursed through him. The tears had never cleared from his eyes, and now he could not hold them back any longer. "Kaoru," he sobbed, "I thought... I thought I had... that I would never..." Kaoru pulled Shinji close and held him tightly while the younger boy cried. "Shhh," Kaoru whispered comfortingly, "There is no reason to cry. We can be together now." After a few moments, Shinji managed to pull himself together again. He hugged Kaoru gently and leaned his head against the grey-haired boy's chest. The rhythmic beat of the fallen angel's heart calmed Shinji, and also provided a comforting reassurance that his dearest friend was really there. The boys exchanged no words for several minutes while Shinji listened and let the situation sink in completely. "You're really back," Shinji finally sighed. "I was so afraid, Kaoru. I thought I would be alone forever. I... I almost wanted to die, so at least the pain would end," he said. "You'll never be alone, Shinji," Kaoru said, gently running his hand through his friend's hair. Shinji snuggled up against the grey-haired boy as much as he could. "Thank you," he breathed, "Thank you for coming back to me..." "No, Shinji," Kaoru said, lifting Shinji's chin so he could see into the boy's eyes. "Thank *you* for giving me someone to come back to." After a few more minutes, Kaoru released his friend and rolled out of the bed. "You should get up," he said, "We have a lot to do today." "Really?" Shinji asked, sitting up slowly. "Like what?" Kaoru frowned. "Well, I hate to say this, but... first, we have to have a talk with your father." *** Shinji did not remember his father's office being so chilly the last time he had gone there. _Then again,_ he thought, _The cold room suits a cold man._ He shivered as he observed his father's heartless smile-- an evil grin that reminded Shinji of his first, horrible day in Tokyo- 3. He shifted his focus to Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki, who stood behind the elder Ikari's desk. The old man frowned at the two boys, but at least there was a refuge in the honesty of his expression. "You will explain yourself, Tabris," Gendo said, his voice dark and menacing. Kaoru flinched at the sound of his true name, but replied without evident irritation. "As I told Shinji earlier, after he defeated me I chose to fall to earth," he said. "Your defeat did not entail your destruction?" "Do you think God allows his most devoted servants to come to Earth and truly face death? An angel's core is not the seat of his soul--it is merely his anchor to the world. Without a core, an angel cannot come to Earth. But he may always go to heaven," Kaoru replied. Now he did seem annoyed, if only by Gendo's intellectual arrogance. "So why are you still here?" Kouzou asked, narrowing his eyes. "I am no longer an angel," Kaoru replied. "I gave up the corporeal immortality granted to the Shito in favor of the spiritual immortality granted humans. I am one of you now." Gendo nodded. "I see. And your soul reappeared in one of SEELE's dummy plugs." "They took a chance by basing their dummies on an angel," Kaoru responded, grinning smugly. Gendo did not allow his self-satisfied smile to slacken. "Yet you have done more than merely thwart SEELE's plans. The..." he glanced briefly at Shinji, then continued, "...original scenario indicated that their attack would succeed. Indeed, I had every expectation that it would. Have you undone the prophecies?" Shinji shuddered. While learning that his father had sent him into battle expecting him to die did not surprise him, the unpleasant revelation nonetheless made him feel slightly nauseous. Kaoru's response was more guarded--a mere narrowing of the eyes conveyed his displeasure at Gendo's behavior. He explained, "Free will gives us the power to alter God's plans. Lilith, Adam, and Eve forced such a change in the earliest days, when they destroyed Eden with their selfishness. And now that I, who was the angel of Free Will, have chosen to fall to earth rather than return to Heaven, another modification is needed. The scrolls you cherished are no longer accurate." Gendo nodded slightly, and replied, "I expected as much. But the possibility of the Third remains." Kaoru raised an eyebrow, but said, "Our father commands that it shall be so. But the timing and meaning will be different... will be better." "Better?" Kouzou asked, his eyes narrow and suspicious. "Of course," Kaoru responded with a smug grin. "As the... former... angel of free will, I know that while we are always free to choose what we do, we cannot help but act for the greater glory of God." "And does your falling mean that you are under the rule of..." Gendo began. "No," Kaoru responded. "Not all who fall walk with the Adversary. Indeed, some of the greatest among us have chosen to fall to earth, surrendering corpum eternum for spiritum eternum. An angel's heart is not turned to darkness by touching the earth. By the grace of the Father, I walk in light and may die as a mortal dies." "Excellent," Gendo said. He touched a button and a panel on his desk slid away to reveal a computer console. He typed in a rapid command and continued, "In a few moments, all the world's major news organizations will receive a slightly modified version of SEELE's files. Within hours, the world will know of the Committee's treachery during Second Impact and against NERV. I expect that it will not be long before the Committee is shattered and its members destroyed. None of them will escape this purge... and I will be left in charge of all operations relating to Instrumentality." Kaoru's eyes flashed in anger, but he restrained himself. "That may not be wise," he said. "You will not catch Keel, and without the SEELE council restraining him, he may be more dangerous than ever." "A man with no power is not dangerous. He will be reduced to nothing." A long pause ensued as Kaoru and Gendo attempted to stare each other down. After watching several fruitless minutes of contest, Kouzou cleared his throat and asked, "What will we do with this boy, then?" Gendo smiled. "Well, we now have a fourth Eva unit, and Rei will not be using it, because EVA-00 is being reconstructed even as we speak. So we need a new pilot. And here, by good fortune, we have one." Shinji, frightened for his friend's safety, almost stepped forward and asked his father to reconsider, but Kouzou beat him to the punch. The old man scowled and loudly asked, "You mean that after we had an incident where *this very boy* nearly brought an end to everything, we are meant to *trust* him in an Eva?" Shinji almost yelped with surprise as the Vice-Commander all but shouted at his father. _Fuyutsuki-san must be a man without fear,_ he thought. Fuyutsuki continued, "Why do we dare the risk? We do not even know if there will be any more angels!" "There will be," Gendo said. Kaoru nodded unhappily as he continued. "We shall encounter seven more visitors. Five to plague us, one to serve us, and one to shield us." "More angels?" Shinji asked quietly. Kaoru reached out and squeezed Shinji's shoulder. "The greatest among us," he said sadly. "The seven Archangels: Jophiel, Raziel, Gabriel, Azrael, Uriel, Rafael, and Michael." "True," Gendo said, training his gaze in turn on Kaoru and Kouzou. "Pilot Nagisa, you will return to the normal training regimen. I will expect you to have reached combat readiness by the end of next week. You may choose to place yourself under the care of Major Katsuragi, or to take care of yourself as you did before. Fuyutsuki, you will see to it that EVA-05 is repaired and operational within the next three days, as Lt. Ibuki has been ordered to concentrate solely on the reconstruction of Unit-00." Kaoru and Kouzou both bowed in acquiescence to the command. Gendo then said, "You are dismissed." Shinji grabbed Kaoru's shoulder, and the boys left as quickly as they could, leaving behind a coldly smiling Gendo, and a still-frowning Kouzou. *** "This matter is not open to discussion, Major Katsuragi!" Kouzou shouted. "I simply refuse to trust that... that... *thing* with an Eva. I will resign if that's what it takes," Misato replied, her arms folded. "It betrayed us once before, and we all nearly died. We can't take the risk of trusting it again." "Commander Ikari has ordered it!" Kouzou replied. "Look," he added, not in the mood to argue any more over the matter, "I'm not fond of the idea either. I want you to start Nagisa out running tests in the simulators only, and then move on to testing with the EVA in cryostasis. Don't let the boy know when he's being given what kind of test. If it's his intention to betray us, hopefully he'll try too early and show his hand." Misato snorted, clearly not convinced. "Alternately..." Kouzou threatened, "I can accept your offer of resignation and put someone else in charge of the children. Commander Ikari has several candidates in mind... candidates *much* less troublesome and independently-minded than yourself." Misato bristled at Kouzous words, but wisely reigned in her temper. "Very well, damn it," she said after a moment, "But I want it absolutely clear that I do this under protest, and against my better judgment. Nothing good can come of trusting an angel." "I will make a note of it," Kouzou grumbled as he dismissed her. After she left his office, Kouzou quietly asked, "What game are you playing, Gendo? And what does this boy Nagisa have to do with it?" After a moment of staring into space, the Vice-Commander opened a drawer in his desk and removed an old, battered manila file folder. Carefully, almost lovingly, he peeled away the loose adhesive strip that held it closed and pulled out a sheaf of papers and photographs. <-- The file folder fell open as it hit the desk, revealing a photo of Keel Lorenz standing behind the US president during the inauguration speech. --> _Even on that day,_ Kouzou recalled, _he was not fazed by my actions._ <-- "I will publish the truth about Second Impact, you, SEELE and the Dead Sea Scrolls." --> _Well, the world knows about SEELE now. Or it will soon,_ Kouzou mused, carefully flipping through the pages and pages of evidence he had collected those many years ago. _It's hard to believe that I once had the energy to do so much digging, and discover the world's best- hidden secrets,_ he thought, then chuckled. _Harder still,_ he added, _To believe that now *I* am one of the world's best-hidden secrets._ His eyes wandered from the old file to the new sheet of paper on his desk, the official order for Nagisa Kaoru to join the NERV force of Eva pilots. "Yet," he whispered, "I am still confronted with mysteries." He gently closed and resealed the battered folder, then returned it to its place in his desk. He leaned back in his chair and tapped his forefinger against his jaw. _Perhaps,_ he thought, _I am not too old to carry out one last investigation._ He reached out and picked up the order, holding it up against the light as if he expected to see some hidden message watermarked in the paper. _Yes,_ he thought, _I cannot let things stand. One more, and then I can rest. I cannot forgive..._ *** Asuka needed no more than the tentative knock on her hospital room door to know who stood outside. She sat up slowly in her bed, using the control pad to change its angle of elevation, and straightened her gown a bit. "Come in," she called when she felt ready. As the door opened, she thought, _It must feel strange for Shinji to visit someone in the hospital. He's usually the one on life support._ Asuka's eyes widened slightly in surprise when she saw that Shinji had brought someone with him. The newcomer reminded her of Rei, and with good reason. His pale skin, brown-red eyes, and nearly colorless hair made the comparison natural. However, there was something about him that was definitely not like Rei--a fluidity of motion and warmth of expression that were opposite to the nearly mechanical pilot of EVA- 00. "Who's this?" Asuka asked as she continued to scrutinize the new boy. He seemed to have Shinji's predilection for wearing the school uniform at all times, and also a similarly thin build. His features were a bit sharper than Shinji's, however, and his hair was a total mess. Shinji blushed slightly. "This is Nagisa Kaoru, Asuka," he said, explaining, "He's a new pilot." _A new pilot? But Misato told me last night that we'd beaten the final angel,_ Asuka mused. Then another thought struck her. Her eyes narrowed and she asked the new boy, "You aren't here as my replacement, are you?" The new boy smiled. "Originally, I was intended to replace you while you were... incapacitated. Yesterday's fortuitous events have provided us with an Eva that I can use personally, instead of using yours, so I can stay on," he explained. "You used my Eva?" Asuka nearly shouted. "I can't believe this!" "That... did not work out too well, actually," Kaoru said with a rueful grin. "I probably would not be here anymore if we had not gotten EVA-05." Satisfied, Asuka relaxed a bit against her bed. "Well, that's better," she said, "Unit Two is *mine*, and I'm not going to let anyone else lay a hand on it." A moment later, she added, "No offense." "None has been taken. I understand that there must be a strong relationship between a great fighter and her chosen weapon." Asuka smiled at the compliment. It made her feel good, but it didn't give her quite the same rush it might have a month or so ago. "Actually," she said, "I don't know that I really want to use that particular weapon again. What happened with the fifteenth angel gave me an appreciation for Shinji's viewpoint. I kind of want this to end. In fact, I thought Misato told me it was over." Shinji shrank a little, "Father... the Commander said that there would be seven more." Asuka noticed then that Shinji had been more relaxed than usual earlier in the conversation. He looked a bit healthier too, even though he still didn't seem to have any meat on his bones. Only the contrast brought out when he mentioned his father had made her notice the difference in him. _I guess I was just caught up in studying the new guy,_ Asuka thought. She realized that she had been staring at Shinji for several moments. To cover it, she slowly said, "Seven? Well, I guess I'll have to get in top shape as soon as possible." "Why?" Shinji asked. "Well, I can't let *you* face them all by yourself!" Asuka replied, letting her usual follow-ups hang in the air unsaid. _That's true,_ she thought as she watched Shinji blush in slight embarrassment, _I don't want you facing them by yourself. But not for the reasons you probably think._ Asuka glanced at Kaoru briefly, and saw the boy fixing her with a knowing smile. After a moment, Asuka asked, "So, you two are already friends?" "Yeah," Shinji said in reply, smiling slightly. "Well I guess I'll just have to catch up when I get out of here," Asuka said. "Whenever that is." "Lt. Ibuki said that you could start doing simulations next week, after physical rehab is done." "Physical rehab?" "Oh, that's right. You haven't been in here very often, so you wouldn't know," Shinji said. "When you've been in bed for a while, they put you through physical rehabilitation before you can leave." "Oh well that's just *great*," Asuka fumed. Her next words were preempted by the arrival of a large, burly nurse wearing too much lipstick. "You boys have to go," the muscular nurse ordered as she started to move furniture out of the way, "Miss Soryu has to have some physical therapy now." Shinji frowned, but obviously didn't want to make a fuss over it. "Don't worry," Asuka reassured him, "I'll be out of here and my old beautiful self in just a couple of days." "Okay," Shinji said, and smiled at her as he left with Kaoru. _He *is* better than he was the other day,_ Asuka realized. _I wonder if it has something to do with that new boy. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to find out._ *** "Well... it's time," Shinji said as he stood in front of his apartment building. He hefted his bag and started to walk forward, but paused as Kaoru's hand brushed his shoulder. As Shinji turned, Kaoru said, "I am glad that you are ready to do this, and I would not want you to do otherwise, but... if you ever need to get away for a while, my door will be open for you." "Thanks," Shinji murmured. He leaned into Kaoru as the grey-haired boy gave him a brief hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, then?" "Yes," Kaoru replied, smiling, "Sleep well." Kaoru walked off down the street as Shinji entered the building. He hit the button for the elevator and leaned against the wall. _I wonder... should I be going back?_ he thought. _I don't think Misato understands me at all. Maybe I should live on my own, or with Kaoru._ Realizing that the elevator was unlikely to arrive anytime soon, he walked over to the staircase. _I don't even know how things stand between us, after the things that happened with Kaji... and Kaoru,_ he mused as he ascended. Shinji didn't bother to knock on the door. Instead, he just opened it quietly, removed his shoes, and walked into the living room. Misato sat listlessly on the couch, slowly flipping through the channels. The sound from the TV had obscured the noise Shinji made when he entered. He paused for a moment to observe his guardian. Misato had taken off her jacket and thrown it over the arm of the couch. Her untucked blouse and disorganized hair indicated she had been relaxing for a while. Her face, however, was tense, and her red- rimmed eyes seemed to glisten with newborn tears. _Does she... does she really miss me?_ Shinji wondered. _Could she... could she still care about me?_ His grip on his bag loosened, and it fell to the ground. Misato jumped off the couch and spun around. Seeing who had made the noise, she ran across the room, but stopped a few centimeters away from Shinji. He gazed at her, his vision focusing on her face. Shinji felt his heart twist a bit at her expression--a tearful mixture of worry, fear, uncertainty, and hope. "Shinji?" she asked quietly, her voice wavering. "I... I'm home, Misato," he replied. Misato stepped forward and cupped the boy's cheek, the smile on her face threatening to explode into a deluge of tears. She gently enfolded Shinji in her arms, holding him as close to her chest as she could. As he hugged her back, Misato whispered, "Welcome home, Shinji... welcome home." ***** The faceless voices had departed from the darkness of their meeting place. The men of SEELE had been destroyed, and their monolithic avatars would speak no more. Yet even now, the dark room in which they had holographically conferred had not become completely desolate. A single man stood in the center of the blackness, holding a small globe of the earth. "So, Tabris," he muttered, "Even in defeat you defy me." Louder, he continued, "A pity that you did. I would have elevated you, made you a captain among my minions for your efforts! You could have chosen greatness... but in the end, your free will is for nothing. You still bend your neck to *Him*!" The man's hand convulsively contracted, crushing the globe into a fine powder. After a moment, he calmed down. "No matter," he said, staring detachedly at the dust coating his hand. "I will not be outdone so easily. Ikari's attempt to destroy me has only freed me of some troublesome obligations. Now, I need only wait. Gendo will play into my hands..." Keel Lorenz chuckled, and a grain of dust turned into a fly. "I only need to wait," he repeated, as more and more of the dust transformed into insects, "and grow stronger..." ***** "You're doing even better today, Asuka," Misato commented. "Your synchronization ratio is back up to 40%." "Still not good enough..." Asuka muttered, frowning inside her entry plug. "Hey, don't rush it," Maya said. "Remember that the Evas can't be forced. You've only been back in training for a week." "And I want to be back to normal!" Asuka shouted. "Calm down, Asuka. It's not like an angel's attacking right this instant," Misato said. "Let's call it a day." Asuka snorted, but didn't say anything otherwise as Maya ended the simulation. The physical therapy had lasted a week and a half, making her antsy even before she got back into her Eva. Now that she was doing synch tests and simulations again, she wanted to be back up to full speed as soon as possible. _I guess Lt. Ibuki's right, though,_ Asuka thought as she clambered out of the entry plug, _Thinking of Eva as my plaything only got me into trouble. Better to take my time and make sure I get it right._ She grinned at that thought, the same one she'd had every day at the end of simulations. Nonetheless, she'd had to fight her impulse to throw daily fits. Good idea or no, the slow ascent of her synch scores made Asuka impatient with the 'gentle approach' that Maya and Misato espoused. _At least I haven't lost my cool and accidentally taken it out on Shinji,_ Asuka mused as she walked back to her locker room. Yelling at him had been such an established pattern before her coma that her personal resolution not to be as harsh with him was even harder to stick to than her orders to go easy with EVA-02. Asuka quickly stripped out of her plugsuit and walked into the shower, allowing the gentle pressure of the warm water to massage and soothe her muscles, stiff and sore from holding a single position in the plug for hours on end. _It doesn't help that there's hardly anyone around here to talk with,_ she thought as she lathered up her hair. _Shinji tries to listen, and Misato does her best, but there are things I need to talk about that I just can't discuss with them._ _Wondergirl's a little better than she was before,_ she added mentally as she rinsed away the shampoo and residual LCL, _but she only really talks to Shinji. And I can't figure out Kaoru at all. It's like he's not even human or something. He's not like Rei was--he knows most of the things that humans know, and he mostly acts like a human, but... the way he thinks is so weird. Maybe it's something to do with being an albino. Anyway, I can't wait until more people come back._ The UN and the Japanese government had decided to rebuild Tokyo-3 when they learned that more angels were on the way. Reconstructing the fortress city that drew most angel attacks probably seemed the best way for them to keep their own skins safe in Tokyo-2. Construction, though, was a slow process in the shattered city. The few weeks since the renegade attack from SEELE simply wasn't long enough to get the job done. Plenty of construction workers had returned already, but not any children the same age as the pilots. And with her rehabilitation and training schedules, Asuka barely had any time to e-mail Hikari. Asuka shrugged and pulled on her dress. "The one advantage to this situation," she announced to the empty locker room, "Is that I don't have to wear those drab school uniforms anymore." The green dress she now wore perfectly embodied that advantage. She had gotten it while shopping downtown with Hikari a month or two back. It really wasn't appropriate for a fourteen-year-old girl, as it accentuated almost every curve of her body. Still, the catcalls it elicited from the construction workers gave her a legitimate reason to get angry and blow off a little steam by screaming at someone. Asuka left the locker room and saw Shinji and Kaoru coming down the hall from the cafeteria. Kaoru's arm was loosely draped around Shinji's shoulders--something he frequently did when they were together. He smiled as he said something to Shinji that Asuka couldn't hear. _I wonder what's up with them,_ Asuka mused, _They certainly seem to be a little more than friends._ As the boys approached, Shinji said, "That's a nice dress, Asuka. You... you look very pretty." Asuka smiled at the compliment as Kaoru added, "I agree. That dress makes you look even more lovely than usual, Miss Soryu." Asuka curtseyed and grinned at the boys. "And here I thought you only had eyes for each other," she remarked. Shinji blushed bright red and looked mortified, but Kaoru had almost no reaction at all. "I see many things," he replied with equanimity, "Even when I pay most of my attention to Shinji." "Well that's a relief. I'd hate for you to get distracted in battle," Asuka said, still grinning. Shinji looked like he might faint in embarrassment. Asuka walked down the hall towards the commissary, pausing for a moment to lean over and whisper in Shinji's ear, "Don't worry. I know where you were *really* looking." Even if she couldn't see it, Asuka could feel Shinji's surprised stare as she continued on her way to the cafeteria. As she neared the end of the hall, she heard Kaoru ask, "Um... Shinji? What was that about?" ***** "Well, you guys get a day off tomorrow," Misato announced as the group sat down to dinner. Kaoru and Makoto had joined Misato's "family" for the evening meal. "Really?" Asuka asked. "Why?" "Because tomorrow's Sunday, silly!" Misato chided. "Oh..." Shinji remarked. "I'd forgotten. It's hard to keep track of the days when there's no school..." "Well, don't worry too much about that!" Misato replied. "School starts again in two weeks." In surprised reaction, Asuka and Shinji's spoons clattered into their bowls. Kaoru merely shrugged and asked, "Will I be in their class?" "If you want," Misato replied with only slight aggravation. She didn't much like angels, fallen or not. But Kaoru hadn't tried anything in the three weeks he'd been training with the Evas, and his synchronization ratio had been far lower than before. That, at least, was enough to make Misato give him some benefit of the doubt. Kaoru seemed to be about to say something else, but Asuka cut him off by asking, "How?" "Well, the school wasn't damaged very much in the blasts, so it's easy to get classes going again. The first houses should be finished by the end of next week, so within another week, there should be enough students in town to justify re-opening the school." "Is Hikari coming back?" Asuka asked, clearly excited by the prospect. "Yes, I've already talked to her parents." Misato turned to Shinji, expecting him to ask about his friends, but no query was forthcoming. He just meekly picked up his spoon and started eating again. Misato tried to speak, but couldn't come up with anything to say. Makoto rescued the situation. "Well, there's something else to look forward to. Shigeru's band mates are back in town. The apartment they share wasn't damaged at all by the blast, but when most people left, they didn't have jobs anymore. With all the construction workers in town, though, they find themselves needed again." "Do you want fries with that?" Asuka deadpanned. All of them but Kaoru had seen Shigeru's friends at a club show, and had largely been unimpressed with their professional skills. Everyone laughed--even Shinji, though he only managed a halfhearted chortle. Makoto continued, "At any rate, he tells me they will give a concert in a few weeks." Misato rolled her eyes. "We can only hope that they bother to tune their instruments this time," she said. Everyone laughed again--they hadn't been too impressed with the band's musical skills, either. *** "I'm bushed," Asuka said. "I'm gonna turn in early." "You know, you could help the boys with the dishes," Misato noted from the couch where she and Makoto were sitting, watching the TV. Asuka merely laughed and quickly ducked into her room before Misato could make a more convincing argument. Misato just shrugged and turned back towards the television. Makoto had insisted that they watch this strange American cop show from the nineties--a ridiculous program about aliens and conspiracies. In the kitchen, Shinji washed the dishes while Kaoru dried them. The process was carried out in relative silence--only the sloshing of the water in the sink could be heard in the room. Shinji wore a frown, and his brow was furrowed with worry. After several minutes, Kaoru decided to break the silence. "Shinji?" he asked. "Yes?" Shinji replied in a whisper-quiet voice. "What is wrong? Asuka seemed very happy to find out that her classmates would be coming back. But you only seem sad. Why?" Shinji washed some spoons and rinsed them off before he quietly replied, "I'd be glad to see them, but... I don't know if I can face Touji." Kaoru nodded. They'd spoken a few times before about Shinji's guilt over the time his Eva had nearly killed the other boy. "You had no choice, Shinji. You could not have done anything more to save him than you did. I am sure he understands," he said. Shinji rinsed out the last of the pots and handed it to Kaoru. "I know there's nothing more I could do," he said, "but I just... *feel* I should have done more." "When terrible things happen, we always feel that we should have done more to prevent them, even when nothing truly could have averted the tragedy. The greatest part of healing the wounds of these events is realizing that there is a limit to the responsibility that we bear," Kaoru said. Shinji nodded halfheartedly as Kaoru gave him a towel to dry his hands. Kaoru then continued, "That is something I had to deal with often as the angel of free will. From the time of the Garden of Eden onward, almost every human tragedy has occurred because of man's ability to choose his own path. For a long time I wept, blaming myself for all of mankind's problems. Eventually though, I witnessed something that made me change my mind." "What was it?" Shinji asked. Rather than reply verbally, Kaoru closed his eyes and hummed several bars of a tune Shinji knew well: Beethoven's "Ode to Joy." After a few moments, Kaoru opened his eyes and said, "I watched silently when the Ninth symphony was first performed, and even though I had sung in the choirs of the Seraphim at the dawn of time, I was amazed. We never sang anything as grand as that. I realized that the music was also a product of free will--because he *chose* to uplift others, Beethoven produced beauty. "Then I finally understood the nature of my own duty. Free will is not bad, and it is not good... it just *is*. I protected it as God commanded, and allowed people to make their choice, but ultimately it was always *their* choice. I bear some blame for evil, but I deserve an equal amount of credit for good. Ultimately, I am not responsible for how people use--or misuse--God's gifts. "The same goes for you. Usually, you pilot the Eva. That does not make you responsible for what others do with it. Yes, you were there when it happened, but you did not do that terrible thing to Touji; your father did. He bears the responsibility, not you." Shinji nodded slowly, and Kaoru put an arm around his shoulders. "Thanks," Shinji said. "You always seem to know what to say. I wish I could be like that." "It comes with experience," Kaoru said as he led Shinji out of the kitchen. "When you reach the ripe old age of 10 billion years, you will be able to figure out the right thing to say every time too." Shinji laughed, then stopped short as the sound caused Misato and Makoto to pop upright. The back of the couch had blocked his view of them so that he had thought he and Kaoru were alone in the room. He fought to keep from laughing even harder when the two scooted to opposite ends of the couch. Kaoru, keeping one arm around Shinji's shoulders, redirected the boy to his room. "Whew," Misato said. "I never thought that having the kids back here would be a *bother*." "What do you think those two are going to do?" Makoto wondered aloud as Shinji's door closed. "I think," Misato said, "That you should try and concentrate on what *you* are going to do." Makoto only blushed. *** "Kaoru?" "Mm?" "Do you want to be in our class?" Kaoru ran a hand through his unruly hair. "I do not know," he said. "I have never been in a... class before, neither as a human nor as an angel. The need never arose. I do not know if I would... fit in." Shinji gave him a small smile. They were both sitting on his bed. "You certainly wouldn't fit in," Shinji replied, "But then again, none of us really do. I guess they just wanted us to all not fit in together." "You mean the Eva pilots?" Kaoru asked. Shinji nodded, but then remembered Kensuke. "The pilots... and a few others. I guess our class has a lot of oddballs," he admitted. "I was just asking because... well, I-I'd like you to be in it." Kaoru reached out and tousled Shinji's hair. "Well then, I suppose it is settled," he said. "If you want me around, I will be happy to go." Shinji smiled, and then said, "Kaoru?" "Yes?" "Do you wanna... stay here tonight?" Since Kaoru's return, they hadn't spent the night together. Rather than face the angel-unfriendly Misato, Kaoru had decided to stay at his old place. Kaoru grinned in reply. "Of course," he said. "I even brought a change of clothes in my knapsack." The two quickly changed into their nightclothes, and Shinji turned out the light. He indicated that Kaoru should lie in the bed, and then he lay down on the floor. Kaoru shook his head. "Not this time," he said, and pulled Shinji up into the bed. Shinji didn't resist. ***** Makoto waited impatiently, tapping his bare foot on the carpet. He had just awakened, and really wanted to shower. He was waiting outside the bathroom in his towel, listening to the sound of someone getting ready inside. _Whoever's in there is taking his sweet time,_ Makoto silently complained. Suddenly, somebody bumped into him from behind. Makoto turned around and saw that the guilty party was Kaoru, whose hair was in such wild disarray that there was no way he could have seen where he was going. He was wearing his nightclothes, and was carrying a towel over his shoulder. "Mmph," said Kaoru sleepily, pushing some of his hair out of his eyes, "Sorry Makoto." The situation was already awkward, as the presence of both guests in the same hallway at the same early hour would be difficult to explain without venturing into delicate territory. And the scene became even more awkward a moment later when the bathroom door opened to reveal Asuka, whose surprise at seeing the other two was so complete that she dropped her towel. Asuka made a quick recovery, and promptly slapped the two staring males. "Perverts!" she huffed as she blew past them down the hall and into her room. Makoto shook his head. Kaoru merely shrugged, and indicated that Makoto should go in. As Makoto closed the door, Kaoru padded back down the hall to Shinji's room. As Kaoru slipped back into the bed, Shinji woke up a bit. "Kaoru? Thought'choo were takin' a shower..." he said, snuggling up against his friend's chest. "Makoto was first," Kaoru said. That bit of information caused Shinji to wake up even more, and he turned to see Kaoru's face. "You see Asuka naked?" Shinji asked. "How did you know?" "She slapped ya. This time of day, that means she dropped her towel," Shinji replied, rolling over onto his back. He stretched and yawned. Kaoru laughed. "Yes," he said, and also rolled over onto his back. "It must be... interesting living with her," he continued. "It's weird... but it's nice," Shinji mumbled, still not completely awake. "Yes, I can see just how nice," Kaoru said wickedly, glancing at the lump in Shinji's shorts. Shinji blushed, "Hey! I can't help it--it's morning. You've got one too, y'know." Kaoru looked down and saw that Shinji was indeed right. "Oh yes, I keep forgetting... this human body does many things that I never had to worry about when I was an angel," he said. "What, don't angels have... organs?" "Not *those* organs," Kaoru said, laughing. "We are sexless. Male and female--that was something created for humans and animals, though we can take on either form as we choose. The adjustment is... difficult." "Well, it looks like you turned out pretty well," Shinji said, eyeing Kaoru's lump. "Well, God *is* merciful," Kaoru replied with a grin. "Isn't that blasphemous?" "No." "Are you sure?" "Of course I am sure. I was an angel." "Oh, shut up." ******* Sparky