From: eltf@hotmail.com (Eliot Lefebvre)
Subject: [Eva][FanFic] Neon Epoch Evangelion: Episode 15
X-Original-Date: 25 Nov 2002 05:28:43 -0800

If we get the transient facts, then we get the pre-story warning:

This fanfic is an original take on GAINAX's "Shin Seiki Evangelion."
It contains alternative characters, plots, and a different overriding
internal logic.  It is intended, from the beginning, to be different.
This includes different Children and different histories.  In short: if
the mere thought of someone other than Shinji in the cockpit of EVA-01
makes you queasy, you are in -entirely- the wrong place.  Any and all
flames stemming from this alteration will be mocked mercilessly.  You
have been warned.

Ah, finally, Thanksgiving break.  I've been waiting for this ever since
I figured out that I would get nearly two straight weeks off once it
started.  Of course, the only thing that I plan on using that time for
is working on various other projects, but... well, I suppose it's a
good thing on some level.

                                  ]++[

               ]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[
                                presents

                         ]+ NEON       EPOCH +[
                   ]+ E  V  A  N  G  E  L  I  O  N +[

                 ]+ EPISODE 15: RESTING HERE WITH ME +[

                     By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre

             Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX

                                  ]++[

All night long on my bed
     I looked for the one my heart loves;
     I looked for him but did not find him.
- SONG OF SONGS 3:1

                                  ]++[

"It has been a surprisingly long time since we had one of these
meetings," noted Gendou, leaning over his desk, hands tented in front
of his mouth, his glasses reflecting the light and almost looking as
though they were glowing.  Around him hovered the holographic images of
twelve monolithic structures, only numbers and the word "SEELE"
breaking the black surface of the holograms.  He had been expecting to
meet with SEELE's administrative council, but the monoliths of
projected light around him made it clear that he had been somewhat
misinformed.  "To what do I owe the honor?"

"We are unconcerned with flattery, Ikari," announced a deep and
rumbling voice, the sound seeming to eminate from all corners of the
room, obviously designed to provoke some reaction in Gendou.  They
wanted to see him squirm, but he had long ago resolved that even if he
felt the need, he wouldn't give them the satisfaction.  "You have
stonewalled the council long enough.  There is a limit to SEELE's
patience, and you have exceeded it."

Gendou said nothing for a moment, simply reaching up and adjusting his
glasses, keeping his expression completely neutral.  "I have answered
the council's questions honestly.  I have performed my duties as the
commander of NERV.  Please, explain to me how I have managed to even
test your patience."  There was an incredible temptation to smile as
the last words hung in the air, but he resisted it, knowing that he
would destroy his credibility by showing his contempt of the
organization that gave him authority outright.

"Do not assume that we are unaware of your side projects."  The voice
may well have been the same as the one before, though Gendou would have
been hard-pressed to tell one way or the other.  It was never entirely
clear to him whether or not the old men of SEELE intentionally sounded
similar or not, but either way it was mildly unnerving, and it lent
some minor credence to Gendou's thoughts about the group's trust in
him.  "We have our agents keeping a very close eye on you, Gendou.
You've given us every reason to suspect you."

"But no proof," replied Gendou calmly, subtly shifting his position
just enough so that the light bled away from the lenses of his glasses
partially, letting the hints of his eyes peek out from beneath them.
There was a brief silence that settled over the room, on the one hand
the sort of silence that indicated Gendou was winning the argument, on
the other the sort that simply implied that SEELE was attemtping to get
a better feel for the man.  They were obsessed about knowing who he
was, what his intentions were - he had long ago realized that.  It was
somewhat gratifying to know that he'd managed to frustrate their
efforts in the field so consistently.

"Proof is not always a necessity, Ikari," said the one voice that Ikari
could recognize distinctly from the others, the deep, angry voice that
also served as the head of the council.  Even though he could see none
of the faces of those in SEELE, he knew the face of Keel Lorenz
perfectly well from his many meetings with the council, the man's angry
expression and bulky visor obscuring his eyes, the sheer age of the man
readily apparent even from a hologram.  "You seem to be under the
mistaken impression that we are somehow bound to obey the laws of the
courts, that we are under the burden of needing proof to verify our
suspicions."

"I am under the impression that I am the head of the Human
Instrumentality Project, and that disposing of me would require the
expenditure of a great deal of effort on your part," replied Gendou
calmly, letting himself smile inwardly but keeping his mouth unmoving,
even though it was hidden behind his hands.  "You would need to
familiarize another with my duties, to try and get the project back up
to the current timeline after my unexpected absence.  That is the
impression that I have of the situation.  If I'm somehow
misunderstanding things, please, tell me."

There was a brief silence in the air once again, and Gendou felt
himself tense almost imperceptibly, feeling ever-so-slightly nervous
about the situation.  He didn't doubt for a second that he understood
the circumstances under which he and SEELE were working, but there was
the silent implication that he'd played his hand too soon.  "We suspect
that you are attempting to control the 'Father,'" announced Keel's
disembodied voice after a moment, the proclamation echoing through the
room from sheer volume.

"Of course not," replied Gendou, letting just the vaguest hint of
affront creep into his tone, doing everything within his power to make
it seem as though he was shocked by the accusation.  He was mildly
surprised by it, more out of the fact that SEELE had managed to piece
together more than he'd expected.  "The 'Father' has other uses in
humanity's ascension.  I would not jeopardize a project that I helped
to create."

"We have little choice but to entrust you with it," replied Keel's
voice harshly, the tone sounding almost frustrated, the sort of
sensation of a lion that couldn't quite catch the rabbit under his
foot.  "But do not seek to abuse us, Ikari.  If you strike us, we will
strike back, and you cannot hope to withstand our blows."  There was a
moment more of silence, then the holographic monoliths snapped off into
nothingess, leaving only Gendou sitting in a pool of light surrounded
by nothingness.

Gendou simply waited for a moment longer, sitting in place, making sure
that the old men had actually left the conversation and were not simply
waiting for him to say something incriminating behind a veil of
silence.  It was not something he believed had ever happened, but he
also knew that it was a possibility, and perhaps more importantly he
knew that it was what he would have done.  The moment passed, and the
scientist stood, adjusting his glasses, then turning towards the door
that he knew lay behind him, letting it hiss and whir open, the
fluorescent light from the hallway almost blinding as his eyes began to
iris shut, unprepared for the sudden burst of brightness.

"They're suspicious," announced Fuyutsuki's voice, even before Gendou
had finished stepping out into the hallway, his eyes still adjusting to
the light gradually, mind attempting to formulate a new strategy.  As
the door hissed shut behind him, Gendou afforded a sidelong glance
towards Fuyutsuki, then simply nodded, seeing from the worried
expression on the elder man's face that everything from the meeting had
not been as classified as he had originally thought.  "What do you
propose we do?  We've seen more than half of the seventeen great
beasts.  They're going to figure out what we're doing, and it will be
sooner rather than later."

"We do the only thing we can do.  We accelerate the timetable once
again."  Gendou avoided letting the note of despair creep into his
voice, knowing that it would only make things worse even as he felt it
closing tightly around his neck.  He was becoming fast aware of the
severity of the situation at hand, but as he turned down the hallway
towards the elevator he let none of it show, keeping his shoulders
square and his gaze vaguely stern as he began to walk towards the
elevator.  "Accelerating 01's timetable should be the top priority.  We
might not have the luxury of waiting until after the final rupture of
the seals."

Fuyutsuki remained silent for a moment as the two scientists walked
towards the elevator, only the soft clinging noise of their footfalls
against the metal of the corridor echoing through the halls, smelling
faintly of blood from the lower levels.  "There's only so much that we
can do to hasten the revival," noted Fuyutsuki at length, the pair of
commanders only a few feet away from the elevator as the elder spoke.
"A large part of the burden simply rests on the shoulders of the
Third.  We could attempt to force him into his apotheosis, but there's
a chance that it might only obliviate the chance of revival
completely."  His voice had become something of an urgent whisper, the
volume dropping almost unconsciously as Gendou reached out and pressed
the white button to call the elevator to their level.

"Do what you can," Dr. Ikari replied as the elevator dinged to a stop
in front of the pair, the teal-gray doors sliding open and allowing the
pair to step through before the chamber began to move upwards once
again.  "If we cannot achieve revival, all of our maneuverings to avoid
the old men's ascension are for nothing."

"You're going to ask us to accelerate the timetable on Ayanami as
well."  The sentence was spoken devoid of the bitterness that Gendou
had half-expected, and the man glanced over for a moment before simply
nodding his response to Fuyutsuki.  "There's only so much we can do,"
the older man replied, his face growing visibly more stressed, the line
of his jaw moving in a way that made it clear to Gendou he was speaking
through partially-clenched teeth.  "We've already brought Ayanami's
timetable to dangerously high levels.  It's been proceeding well thus
far, but we can't be certain that it won't eventually take its toll."

Gendou said nothing immediately, letting his eyes focus through the
lenses of his glasses on the metal wall of the elevator, his mind
completely focused on Fuyutsuki's words even as it began to almost idly
drift elsewhere.  "We need a vessel by the time the Chamber of Gaf is
open," replied the man at length, letting his eyes shut for just a
moment, relishing the momentary blackness afforded by the backs of his
eyelids.  "I understand the workload that you're struggling under, but
there are no other options."  He paused for a moment, then turned his
gaze towards the other man, eyes open once again.  "How is the girl
doing?"

"Wonderfully," replied Fuyutsuki, his voice implying some reluctance
about the positive nature of the adjective.  "She may well be ready
within two month's time.  Rejection has already been lowered to 27%."
He paused for a moment, then flicked his eyes towards Gendou's.  "The
resemblance... it's intentional, isn't it?"

"She chose it.  I only observed."  The lie was harmless, but for once
Gendou couldn't tell from the expression on Fuyutsuki's face if he
believed the statement or not.  Both men remained silent for a moment,
then Gendou turned back to staring at the wall of the elevator, as
though by staring at it he would unlock some vast mystery.  "You are
free to leave if you find it too disturbing, Kozou.  I will not try to
convince you to stay."

Kozou hesitated for a moment, then shook his head, apparently enough of
an answer to satisfy Gendou as the younger man turned his icy gaze back
towards the wall.  "I'm trying to see the project of my favorite
student to fruition," he replied calmly, internally feeling a minor
knot of curiosity surfacing inside his gut, an old question bubbling
back to the surface.  "That's all."

                                  ]++[

"I saw the report of your battle against the Tenth," said the man on
the other end of the phone, the nasal tone of his native Japanese
accent mingling slightly with the distinctive Irish brogue after all
the years he'd spent in the country, producing an odd sort of hybrid
sound to his voice.  "You did well.  02 wasn't desigend for sprinting
at speeds like that, but you managed to stay on equal footing with 01.
You've improved a little since you left."

Had anyone tried to guess by looking, they would never have suspected
that Nieve's father was anything but Irish - she looked like the
spitting image of a young girl from the island, her emerald eyes set
against pale skin and flaming hair.  She had always assumed that her
body had somehow managed to sense her emotional relationship with her
father and reacted accordingly, keeping the man's unmistakably Oriental
features from her makeup.  "My synch ratio is hovering up about two
points," she replied at length, her voice cool and businesslike, no
hints of emotions breaking the surface.  "I think it's got something to
do with the experience of actual combat."

"The Sixth is doing better than you in terms of synchronization,
though," replied her father, not sounding so much disapproving as
simply critical, as though he was evaluating an employee.  "Honey,
you've been with the project longer than her.  Is there something wrong
with your machine that they don't know about?"

"Not a thing," replied Nieve, feeling only vaguely hurt, fully aware
that the ratio was only important because it was the only thing that
the scientific minds of NERV could measure and compare.  "Niobe's also
more unstable as a pilot, from what I've seen.  There's no
comparison."  She paused for a moment, her mind skirting the subject
that even as she wanted to breach it, lower lip twitching slightly.
"So.  How's Valerie?"

On the other end, her father sighed, and Nieve couldn't help but take
some small satisfaction in the gesture, the simple knowledge that her
choice of words still exerted some minor power over him.  "I wish you
wouldn't call her that.  She's been your stepmother for nearly ten
years now."  He paused, as though he could see the vague twitching in
the corner of his daughter's eyes even though he was an ocean apart
from her.  "She's fine.  She wants to know how you're doing with the
other Children."

"Well, Neil and I have been dating almost since I got here," announced
Nieve proudly, letting a smile play across her lips as she leaned back
in the green couch of Misato's apartment, letting the sunlight lightly
play across her body.  "And Niobe..."  She paused, remembering the way
that the girl had looked vaguely disturbing two days prior, unable to
convince the fact to leave her mind even as she found herself unable to
shift her focus.  "Niobe understands what's going on."  She shrugged.
"Nothing much to say about the others.  Ryo's kind of strange, Vash is
a buffoon, and Eiko... has her own problems."

"You don't sound as though you particularly like half of them.  THat's
not exactly promising."  Her father paused briefly, Nieve already
certain of the question that he was about to ask.  "Are you able to
work with them, at least?"

"Dad, don't ask stupid questions.  Of -course- I'm able to work with
them.  We wouldn't have been able to take out the Ninth otherwise."
The question stung slightly even though Nieve had been expecting it,
the implication that her father didn't believe she could keep a handle
on the situation audible just below the sound of his voice.  It stung
far more than the insinuation he had made about Niobe earlier, and it
only served to reinforce what Nieve was already feeling, her hand
beginning to form the thinnest possible layer of sweat between her hand
and the smooth plastic receiver of the telephone.  "Listen, Dad, I go
in for testing in about fifteen minutes, and it takes about that long
to walk there.  So... I'd better get going."

A brief pause hovered through the phone lines, and Nieve found herself
letting her ears focus on the end with her father, hearing the noises
of an assembly line behind him, indication to her that NERV's European
branch was gearing up for something again.  "All right, honey," replied
her father at length, sounding vaguely relieved by the end of the
conversation.  "If you need anything, just call.  Your stepmother or I
would be more than happy to help."  He paused again, this time somewhat
awkwardly.  "Love you, Nieve.  Bye."

"Goodbye," replied Nieve a second or two too later, the noise of the
other end clicking off preceding her words by just enough for her to
know she was speaking into dead air.  She remained in position for a
moment, leaning back on the couh, sunlight streaming in through the
window and playing across her knees left bare by her short shirt, then
she picked herself up and walked towards the cradle for the phone,
skirt flowing slightly as she moved, its red fabric brushing
comfortably against her hips, matching the movement of the loose maroon
blouse that draped partially over it.

Placing the phone down, Nieve hesitated for a moment afterwards, then
simply leaned against the wall next to the telephone, her emotions sent
into a mild tailspin by the unexpected contact from her father.  It
wasn't exactly that she hadn't wanted to talk to him so much as it was
that she couldn't think of anything to say, that they still didn't seem
to have anything to talk about outside of her role as a pilot.
"Valerie probably would have said something, though," she muttered to
herself, flicking her gaze over towards the refridgerator.  "It's
almost too bad that she isn't my real mother."  She thought for a
second.  "But that would mean I was related to that bitch."

Sighing as she whispered the words to herself, Nieve shook her head,
trying almost in vain to think of her mother, remember what Leigh Soryu-
Leary had been like.  It had been so many years that her memory was
faded slightly, that only the most general parts of her mother's
personality remained in her memory amidst a hazy mess of desired
qualities and dreamlike visions.  Letting her lids flutter closed for a
second, she shook her head, knowing that she had better things to be
doing with her time.

"Neil," she said, almost surprising herself even as a mischevious smile
played across her lips at the thought of the boy.  She still wasn't
entirely comfortable with their relationship, but after the night
against the Tenth Angel things had seemed to become relatively normal.
The nagging doubts in the back of her mind refused to vacate her brain,
but they could do little except warn, and Nieve couldn't shake the
feeling that she finally had the relationship under control, that the
boy was coming around.  Glancing towards the door of his room, she
pushed off from the wall and began to step around towards it, the smile
on her face broadening.

Her hand gently touched the brass-colored knob as she pressed her ear
against the wooden surface, seeing if she could make out the noise of
his pen scratching against paper.  Though she still contended that he
hardly needed to worry about it, Neil insisted upon keeping up his work
from school, and that meant that the majority of Mondays and Thursdays
was spent looking over the latest arrival of lessons and then working
furiously to have them done quickly.  It was something that Nieve had
conceded long ago, a fight that she knew she would gain more from
voluntarily losing than attempting to struggle out, and under normal
circumstances she wouldn't even consider violating Neil's time to work
on his lessons.  But as she turned the knob and thrust the door inward,
she knew that she could make him more than happy she'd interrupted
him.  "Hey, Neil, I just -"

The girl's eyes traced their way into the darkened room, and withour
warning her voice faltered and trailed into nothingness, eyes taking in
the sheer vacancy of the room.  Neil's papers lay in relatively neat
stacks on his desk, his pens arranged in straight little rows, his room
fully organized and devoid of nothing except for himself.  For a
moment, Nieve simply stood in the doorway, flicking her eyes about the
room, casting her gaze left and right as though enough glances would
reveal where he was hiding, that all it took was the right number of
sidelong glances.  "Neil?" she said, quietly enough to match her mood,
loudly enough to drive out the last hope that he was simply off in the
bathroom or her room for some reason.

No response came to Nieve's call, and the girl took another faltering
step into the room, glancing about, trying to remember if she'd heard
footsteps behind her as she'd talked on the phone with her father,
feeling vaguely resentful of the man for distracting her from her
boyfriend.  Letting her gaze cast about the yellow-walled room once
more, she turned around, facing out towards the door out of the
apartment and the kitchen, noticing a small yellow slip of paper stuck
carefully to the side of the counter.  Nieve frowned for a moment, then
stepped forward and removed the paper, letting her eyes scan over it,
her brain registering the words only slowly.

"Went out with Eiko," she read, her voice soft and tinges with
something between sadness and simple pain, the entire apartment seeming
to fill with an ephemeral mist of desolation.  "Should be back around
two.  See you then.  Neil."  Silence reigned for a moment, then Nieve
felt her knees falter slightly, the back of her mind letting her know
that she only had a moment or two before they gave up on the task of
supporting her entirely.  Eyes blurring slightly with tears springing
from her self-perceived naivete and the ache of loneliness, she stepped
lightly towards her room, leaning her weight on the door for just a
moment before letting a single tear run its course down her cheek and
opening the door with a light gasp.

                                  ]++[

Frowning for only a second at the small screen resting between his
hands, Neil let his brain whirl about the problem as Eiko moved towards
him, then moved his thumbs with practiced grace across the controls of
the small game system, his quick motions sending his character on the
screen into a gyrating frenzy of activity.  For the barest of moments,
victory seemed to be within reach as he struck hard against Eiko's
faltering defenses, her character staggering backwards as the blows
connected.  Then he noticed the girl grin somewhat wolfishly out of the
corner of his eye, and her representation on the screen struck back
furiously, a few powerful blows landing before the system beeped loudly
to announce Neil's loss.

Neil stared for a moment, then shrugged, feeling slightly hurt by the
defeat but trying his best to be casual about it as he flicked the
power of the handheld machine off.  "Like I said, I was never very good
at this," he offered, handing the small portable game system back over
to Eiko, who took both the system from Neil and her own and shoved them
back in her schoolbag.  "Wasn't that Vash's system, though?"

"Yeah, but he said I could borrow it.  He and Kensuke were having a
deathmatch today on some strategy game that Kensuke's absolutely nuts
about."  She shrugged.  "I can't understand how the two of them can
spend that much time on a single game.  Especially one that's so mind-
numbingly boring.  All they do is sit there and click their units
around until they make them go where they want.  Most boring thing I've
ever seen."

The mention of Vash brought a suspicion bubbling to the surface of
Neil's thoughts, and he bit his lower lip gently, trying to figure out
the best way to phrase it.  "Eiko... the system I was playing on was
Vash's, wasn't it?"  He paused for a moment, letting the girl nod
before sinking his head slightly, feeling slightly guilty at the same
time that he was happy to be spending time with the girl.  "I don't
know if that was such a good idea.  I mean, he doesn't really like me,
and all..."

Eiko stared at Neil for a moment, as though the thought of Vash being
upset had never occured to her.  She let the idea filter through her
mind for a second, the thought of how irate he would be if he found
out, and despite hereslf she couldn't help but get a little excited by
the concept, a small grin sneaking almost imperceptibly across her
face.  "He let me borrow it, he knew that it could happen," she
replied, sounding only slightly bitter as she winked alluringly towards
the other boy.  "Besides, it's not like he's any good at it either."

"But..."  Neil struggled with the words caught in his throat, feeling
guilty for not saying anything, feeling good about what it might mean
about Eiko's availability and feeling guilty in the same instant for
what he was taking joy in.  He was in no way opposed to the concept of
Vash losing Eiko, but he also knew that it was the wrong thing to hope
for, especially considering the fact that he wasn't single himself.
"Isn't that just a little underhanded?" he asked at length, feeling as
though he'd lost the original intent of his question entirely.

"No," replied Eiko, shaking her head, feeling very defiant, knowing
that her parents would be even less happy to see her with Neil even as
she took some perverse sort of joy at the knowledge that Vash would be
upset about it.  "After all, he isn't the boss of me."  She flicked her
eyes upwards to meet Neil's gaze, and for the barest of moments she
wondered what she was doing, if he was right about her actions
betraying Vash.  "Don't worry about it.  It's my relationship, I'm sure
I can manage it."  She giggled.  "And it's not as though he really has
any grounds to worry, right?"

"Right," replied Neil half-heartedly, giving a small forced laugh and
turning his gaze away from the girl, letting it rest on the somewhat
dusty terrace where some of the other students were playing some kind
of sport that Neil didn't recognize in the least.  It seemed to consist
of three players, one left in the center and the other two trying to
get that center player to come closer to them through repeated throws
of a baseball.  "Where's Ryo?" he asked after a moment or two of
watching, wanting to change the subject, still feeling vaguely
uncomfortable.

Eiko shrugged, drawing her sketchbook out of her schoolbag and glancing
towards the mystifying competition as well, her eyes resting on the
scene before her as her hand traced lines across the paper.  "Wasn't in
school today.  The teacher didn't even call his name during
attendance."  She paused in her sketching for the barest of moments,
trying to figure out the best way to catch the way that the light
filtered through the spectators under the bright Tokyo-3 sun, then
nodded and resumed the process of sketching.  "If it wasn't Ryo, it
would be kind of surprising."

Momentarily lost as he watched the center player weave back and forth
between the other two players, Neil took a moment before he registered
what Eiko was saying, but as soon as he did he trained his gaze back on
the girl.  "What do you mean by that?" he asked, sounding somewhat more
hesitant than he'd intended."

"Nothing," replied Eiko, shrugging.  Then she paused in her sketching,
as though she realized something otherwise forgotten, and her gaze
flicked over towards Neil, her brown eyes simply resting in the boy's
sight for just a moment.  "Ryo has been absent like this dozens of
times.  He was absent when school started, and then he was absent for a
few days before the Angel's attack."  She paused.  "Didn't you know
about any of that?"

"I knew that he wouldn't have been in before the Angel's attack,"
replied Neil somewhat weakly, mind slowly attempting to take in the new
information and happy to have the momentary distraction from his own
problems.  He'd known for some time that there was something vaguely
mysterious going on with Ryo, but he had always pushed it to the back
of his mind, assuming that it couldn't be anything serious.  For the
first time, however, he let himself think about the boy, realizing that
despite the fact that he'd known Ryo longer than any of the other
Children he knew the least about the boy.  "Just hope he's all right."

                                  ]++[

Ryo assumed, though he had no way of being certain, that the liquid
rushing past his skin was LCL.  It was the same color as the liquid
from the cockpit of the Eva, had the same hyper-oxygenated properties,
and perhaps most tellingly it smelled the same, a scent of fresh blood
that Ryo had grown so accustomed to as to ignore it completely.  Anyone
else would have found the scent disturbing, but as far as he was
concerned it was comfortable, floating in a glass tube wide enough to
let his limbs drift freely, the liquid flooding upwards and keeping him
suspended as his hair fluttered about his head and he took quick,
shallow breaths.

Flicking his red eyes briefly to the walls of the tube, he could see
both Dr. Ikari and Dr. Akagi standing near the console located adjacent
to the tube, the blackness of the room in stark contrast to the orange-
red haze that everything filtered through because of the liquid.  Dr.
Ikari was smiling thinly, the sort of distantly approving smile that
Ryo had grown accustomed to, while Dr. Akagi simply did her job, every
bit as functional as her test subject.  For a brief moment, Ryo let
himself wonder if he and Ritsuko had something in common, then he let
his gaze turn back towards the top of the tube, a network of pipes
taking in the LCL and shunting it off in directions unknown.

Outside of the tube, Gendou Ikari simply watched the young boy in front
of him, the thin limbs and oddly feminine poise making him seem even
more androgynous than usual.  He stared for a moment longer, then
turned towards Ritsuko, letting his eyes flick briefly to the display
of her computer beneath the cover of his glasses.  "Contamination?" he
asked curtly, flicking his gaze away once again to give another
sidelong glance to the boy.

"At 13.4%," replied Ritsuko curtly, her fingers still moving over the
keyboard, letting the internal processors of the Magi filter the
information even as she controlled it.  "It peaked at slightly higher
than that the week after the test with EVA-00, but this seems to be the
most advanced decay so far.  There are at least seven different sectors
bearing some marks of contamination."  She paused for a moment,
frowning slightly.  "He's never going to approach the levels of purity
we could attain with a fresh one."

"I know that," replied Ikari curtly, feeling something tug internally
as he threw his gaze back and forth between the pensive Ritsuko and the
serene Ryo, the few simple lights in the room serving more to augment
the darkness than to brighten the room at all.  "We'll approach that
hurdle when necessary.  Is he still a suitable component for the
vessel?"

"Yes," replied Ritsuko without hesitation, the vaguest hints of concern
creeping into her voice but no sign that she had any suspicions about
Ryo's ability.  "There are some definite rough spots, but he's more
than capable of acting in his original capacity as vessel."  She paused
for a moment, as though another idea was coming into her head, then she
turned towards Gendou, letting the machine run itself.  "I only worry
that there might be some negative effects from all the contamination.
It might be best to restrain his social contact as much as necessary."

Gendou stared at the boy for a moment, watching the thin hair float
through the LCL as it rushed towards the pipes of the ceiling, feeling
a profound sense of deja-vu.  "A reasonable suggestion," he said at
length, turning back towards Ritsuko, adjusting his glasses slightly
and forcing his face back into a purely neutral expression.  "Removal
from school for a few weeks should help.  What do you recommend about
the Sixth?"

"Harmless," replied Ritsuko calmly, feeling a minor twinge of guilt but
forcing herself to ignore it, knowing full well that she had to keep
her mind focused on the goal.  "Ryo's contamination doesn't seem to be
high enough to have formed any actual emotional connections, and I tend
to doubt that she could have any effect on the circumstances."  She
paused for a moment.  "I suspect there is some emotional connection
formed somewhere, but I'd tend to doubt that it's with Niobe."

"Excellent," replied Gendou, gesturing for Ritsuko to open the
communication line with the boy in the tank, something the blonde woman
did without hesitation.  "We will take data for another fifteen
minutes, Ryo.  Attempt to clear your head of all thoughts."  He paused
for a moment, waiting for the boy's quick and efficient nod that
signaled his understanding.  "You will be removed from school for no
less than two weeks.  All contact with your classmates will cease,
except for the Fourth and Fifth Children."

For the first time that he could remember, Ryo hesitated for the barest
sliver of a moment, letting himself simply process the information
instead of blindly following the orders.  He knew that he should follow
routine, that he should accept the strict change made by Gendou and
work with it, but a vague voice in the back of his head was urging him
to fight against the routine.  Shutting the voice out, he nodded,
wondering if the voice was evidence that Nieve was beginning to let him
have some control over his own life, mildly curious about what it felt
like to make such decisions as he let his eyes flutter closed again and
began to clear his mind.

Outside of the chamber, the sound of a hissing door filled the room,
and both Ritsuko and Gendou turned their heads towards the noise,
seeing Kozou walk through the briefly-lit doorway towards what looked
to be the only piece of interest in the room, the single glowing orange
tube set directly in the center.  "Dr. Fuyutsuki," announced Gendou
somewhat curtly, making it obvious simply from the tone of his voice
that he was uninterested in any social overtures.  "How is the girl
progressing?"

"The second and third fragment are still fighting apotheosis," replied
Kozou, his voice flat as his feet echoed against the silence of the
chamber, brown eyes fixed firmly on the boy floating in the tube in
front of him.  In theory, he had no compunctions with what he was
doing, but with each passing day he felt something odd knotting inside
his gut with growing intensity with ever test run on the boy in the
chamber.  "Unsurprisingly, the first has reached apotheosis first.  The
others are only seven layers away, and I expect that the fourth will
break to the fifth layer by the end of the day."

Gendou nodded, then flicked his gaze briefly towards Ryo, letting his
eyes rest on the floating form of the boy for just a moment once again,
the thin hair and slender body almost hauntingly familiar.  There was a
momentary tightness in his chest, a thought of his own son drifting
across the back of his head, but he shoved the thought free a half-
second later, gaze instead resting on the fellow scientist in front of
him.  "Dr. Akagi and I have already finished with Ryo's purity
evaluation.  I believe that you can oversee the completion of the
testing with her assistance?"

Kozou nodded, and the commander of NERV turned sharply on his heel to
leave the chamber, his gaze locked in a resolute expression, resisting
any urge to display even the slightest emotion.  Watching for the
barest moment, Fuyutsuki shook his head, then stepped over to the
console that Ritsuko surveyed.  "He's doing worse, isn't he?" he asked
after a moment, catching the somewhat worried expression on the younger
woman's face.

"Yes," replied Ritsuko without hesitation, sounding somewhere between
unhappy and simply defeated as she spoke.  "His contamination level
continues to increase.  Commander Ikari is having him pulled from
school to make sure that he stays pure enough to act as a vessel."  She
paused for a moment, sighing heavily.  "I feel somewhat sorry for him.
If he was a normal boy, something like this would be unbearable."

For a moment, Kozou let his gaze continue to linger on Ritsuko, certain
from her statement that she hadn't been told something important about
the project, trying to decide whether or not it was the right time.
Then he shook his head and turned back towards the computer, watching
as the graphs recorded his data calmly.  "We do what we have to do for
the project," he said, letting his eyes flick up towards the boy,
feeling the slight knot of guilt grow almost unnoticably larger.  "Has
Gendou spoken to you about the girl's acceleration?"

Ritsuko smiled bitterly, letting her eyes flutter closed as she leaned
forward on the console, her entire body arching forward in a show of
barely-restrained exhaustion.  "Of course," she replied, shaking her
head slightly, her blonde hair swishing lightly across her neck.
"Sometimes I wonder if Dr. Ikari is aware of the fact that he's working
with a staff of humans."  She sighed.  "I had to tell Kaji that we
weren't going to be able to have dinner tonight as we'd planned.  It's
good that he understands where my priorities are."

The woman's words stuck in Kozou's head for a moment, and it took him a
second or two to realize why.  "Kaji?" he asked, waiting for a moment
while the woman nodded her affirmation.  Ritsuko's attention remained
focused on the console in front of her, but Kozou's mind was elsewhere,
memory reaching back towards the conversation that he'd had with Kaji
not so long ago, remembering the accusations that the younger man had
made.  "Did you tell him why you weren't going to be able to make it?"

"I told him that something had come up at work," replied Ritsuko,
sounding only vaguely distraught by the question as she made a few
keystrokes and turned up towards Fuyutsuki.  Seeing the worry on the
elder man's face seemed to worry her as well, and her eyes narrowed
slightly, mouth tightening as she stared at her superior.  "Why?"

"Nothing," replied Kozou, shaking his head, unable to get a single
thought out of his head.  "It's just..."  He paused for a moment, not
wanting to say what was on his mind even as he knew that it could very
well be important.  Coughing slightly, he shook his head, flicking his
eyes towards the peacefully suspended boy in the tank, trying to focus
on the serenity of Ryo instead of the emotions at hand.  "How much does
Kaji know about the project?"

Silence reigned for the briefest of seconds, then Kozou could see a wry
smirk creep across Ritsuko's face, her eyes no longer worried as he
turned back to look at her once again.  "He doesn't know anything
important," she said, sighing gently and turning back towards Ryo's
console.  "I know full well that we're not to discuss such matters
outside of here.  Give me some credit."

"Just checking," replied Fuyutsuki, forcing an awkard grin as his eyes
turned back towards Ryo, his thoughts whirling about his head about
what Kaji was truly after with Ritsuko.  He wanted more than anything
to be able to write off his suspicions about the man as simple
unfounded jealousy, but his words about wanting to find out more about
NERV and his knowledge of Fuyutsuki's early days with the organization
suggested that there was more going on.  And Gendou's warning about
SEELE having agents within NERV's inner sanctums was still fresh in his
mind, mingling with his prior knowledge of Kaji even as he thought of
his own emotions on the subject.  It was a mess, something he hated to
deal with, and taking a deep breath he tried to force the entire thing
out of his mind, instead concentrating on the almost angelic appearance
of the pale blue-haired boy floating in the vat of LCL.

                                  ]++[

It was later than Neil had planned when he found himself stepping
lightly down the blue-white shimmering hallway leading back to Misato's
apartment, a sort of exuberance in his step for reasons that he
couldn't quite place.  Even though the guilt was still gnawing itself a
convenient little home in the back of his head, he fel pleased with the
way that his meeting with Eiko had gone, the way that he'd managed to
connect with her.  He was beginning to wonder if perhaps her act of not
being interested in him romantically was simply an act, and as he
turned the knob of the door to Misato's apartment he was smiling, some
vague and only slightly-guilty happiness occupying his thoughts.

That happiness faded into nothingness as he stepped through the door
and kicked off his shoes, his eyes focusing almost immediately on Nieve
as she glared at him.  She had positioned herself so as to block off
any possible route out of the recessed bit of floor where Neil's shoes
fell silently, arms crossed across her chest as her green eyes flashed
with a vaguely-tingerd anger.  Neil couldn't tell exactly what was
there besides anger, but he knew that it wasn't good, and the guilt
that had been held back from his emotions before came flooding in with
a vengeance.  "Hi, Nieve," he offered sheepishly, biting his lower lip
gently.  "Is something wrong?"

"Do you find me attractive?"  The words spat from Nieve's mouth as
though they were a curse, lips moving quickly and remaining tight as
the boy gaped at her.  A slight tremble appeared in her eyes, as though
water was beginning to flood into them, Neil feeling the guilt rush in
without restrained as he stared at the girl.  "Answer me, damn it.  And
be honest.  Do you find me attractive?"

Neil stared for a moment longer, then shook his head, trying to force
himself to focus on the situation at hand, telling himself internally
that he hadn't done anything wrong even as his brain told him
otherwise.  "Of course I do," he replied, stepping out into the hallway
and taking a step towards the red-headed girl, feeling the tingle
beneath his clothes as a film of sweat began to coat his skin.  "Nieve,
you're a beautiful girl."  He paused briefly, trying to figure out what
he was supposed to say next.  "Yes, I'm attracted to you," he decided
at length, sounding almost slightly defeated with his words.

"Really?"  Nieve's harsh glare fixed the boy in place for a moment as
her arms seemed to tense, the slight tremor in her eyes becoming more
obvious as her fingers pressed hard against the skin of her exposed
upper arms, the fabric of her blouse bunched up against her shoulders.
Then her mouth shifted from thin to angry, her teeth flashing and hard-
set as her arms flew out and shoved Neil backwards, the sudden assault
catching the boy off-guard and sending him stumbling backwards.  "Do
you expect me to -believe- that?"

Barely avoiding tripping as his stumbling feet hit the spot where the
floor lowered, Neil didn't answer immediately, slamming his back into
the wood of the door and feeling a sharp jolt of pain race up and down
his spine.  "Ow," he muttered, pushing off of the door and staring at
Nieve with mild anger, more confused than anything.  "Nieve, what's all
this about?"

"You -know- what it's about!" screamed the girl, fists clenched in
tight balls, paths of liquid sadness forming down her cheeks as she
took a single step towards the boy.  She was still furious, but Neil
now understood what the other element he'd seen behind her eyes was,
and as he stared at the girl's face he felt his stomach knot in upon
itself.  "Why did you -kiss- me, damn it all?  Why didn't you just tell
me to -go- -away-?"  Her eyes narrowed again, although Neil couldn't
tell if it was from tears or rage, the flow from her eyes redoubling as
she took a few steps away from the boy.

There was a taste to anger, something that Neil knew his mother would
explain as pheremones released into the air in times of extreme stress
to warn others.  As Neil stepped back out of the lowered area and
towards Nieve, his mouth was hanging open ever so slightly, and he
could feel the taste of the girl's rage on his tongue, an oddly
tingling sensation that filled him with unease and regret.  Closing his
mouth and biting his lip, he reached over to the girl as her eyes
closed, small sobbing noises coming from her as his fingers gently
touched the soft skin of her shoulders.

Nieve seemed to awaken once again, her eyes flying open and her arms
forcing themselves upwards, breaking Neil's almost-embrace with an
angry burst of strength, green eyes glittering with anger even as they
continued to tear.  "Don't you -touch- me!" she shrieked, her voice
growning more distraught with each passing moment, a sign to Neil that
she'd been thinking about whatever was bothering her for a while,
knotting another wad of self-loathing within the back of his mind.
Nieve took another step backwards, stumbling briefly against the table
as she glared and cried at Neil.  "Don't do that!  Don't pretend that
you'll -be- there when you'll just -leave- like -everybody- -else-!"

More than anything, Neil wanted to run away.  The girl standing in
front of him was in hysterics, crying even as she howled in anger, and
Neil felt as though he had walked into the middle of something he
couldn't begin to understand.  For the barest of seconds, he thought
about what it would mean if he turned and ran, destination uncertain
but action clear, and he felt another spike of regret drive into him.
Gritting his teeth, he took another step towards Nieve, forcing himself
to suppress his fears and his guilt.  "Nieve," he said softly, drawing
the girl's angry, tear-streaked eyes towards him once again, the look
sending another spear of regret through his heart.  "Talk to me."

"Shut -up-!" snapped Nieve, trying her best to sound angry and winding
up sounding more desperate than anything.  Her legs faltered slightly
as she staggered back towards the living room, eyes blurry and balance
obviously thrown as Neil followed her path slowly.  "I don't need you,
you know.  I could find somebody else without a problem."  She let an
awkward, hurt smile trace across her lips, legs taking uneasy steps
back towards the couch in the living room, tears falling and
splattering against the carpet underfoot.  "I'm in control here, Neil.
If I want you to go, I can make you."

The girl's words stung, and it took a great deal of effort for Neil to
continue advancing forward as she staggered backwards, the uneasy blend
of tears, anger, and a smile giving her face an almost nightmarish
quality, her red hair swinging about her loosely.  "Go away," she tried
to snarl, the words winding up coming out as more of a choked sob than
anything.  "I don't need you around.  I don't need anybody else.  You
want to leave, go right ahead, I..."  The girl paused, then flopped
backwards onto the couch, anger fading from her eyes as she lay
backwards onto the cushions, Neil simply watching and keeping his face
resolute even as he tore himself apart inside.

For a moment, both Children remained stationary, Nieve slumped into the
couch with her legs dangling over one of the arms, Neil standing in the
end of the hallway and staring at the couch with a stoic expression,
gentle noises of sobbing filling the air.  Nieve could see none of it,
hands gripping the fabric of the couch cushions and pulling herself
into them, eyes closed tightly as tears streamed forth, her entire
world the painful blackness of the cushion and the bitterly salty tears
running into her half-opened mouth.  A brief spear of panic went
through her body as she heard footsteps, and she forced herself to pull
her bleary eyes away from the couch, turning to see Neil walking
towards her and kneeling near the couch.  "Nieve, I -"

"Please don't leave," gasped Nieve, eyes closing tightly once again and
arms reaching out fumblingly towards Neil.  The boy simply stared for a
second before leaning closer and embracing the girl, feeling her arms
wrap around him and pull him tight, another brief attack of guilt
shooting through his body as he felt himself respond to the proximity
of the girl and the softness of her skin beneath his hands.  He knew
that it was entirely the wrong time to be thinking about such things,
but he had almost no time to afford himself the luxury of self-
loathing, instead forcing himself to keep his mind on Nieve and her
gentle, regular sobbing.  "I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.  Please don't leave
me."

"Nieve..."  Neil's voice faltered, and squeezing his own eyes shut he
pulled the girl closer, letting his fingers press hard against the soft
skin of her back as the maroon fabric of her short-sleeved blouse
bunched up beneath them.  He knew that whatever had upset her so was
his fault, and as he tried to think of what it might have been caused
by he felt a surge of guilt regardless of cause, the girl's tears
almost feeling like a punishment for what he'd done wrong as they
soaked through his shirt to touch his shoulder.  Even that thought made
him feel guilty, as though he was being selfish about Nieve's crying,
and shaking his head gently to keep her from noticing he pulled ever-so-
slightly away from her, still holding her back tightly.  "Tell me
what's going on," he said, forcing himself to remain calm.

Lifting tear-streaked and bloodshot eyes to meet the boy's gaze, Nieve
remained silent for a moment, her breath coming steadily and
regularly.  "I... I was on the phone with my father when you left," she
replied, internally feeling ashamed with herself for losing control so
easily, a feeling that only made her want to cry more.  "And then I saw
the note that you'd left to see Eiko, and... I don't know.  I'm
sorry."  The girl opened her mouth again to speak, but nothing came out
except a quiet wail as she leaned back over into Neil's shoulder.  "I
know that I don't deserve it.  I know that I'm not pretty enough to
make you want to stay.  But... please, don't leave.  Don't leave."

In the back of his mind, Neil was trying hard to force himself not to
feel guilty, to focus all of his attention on the mourning girl lying
in his arms, the lowering sunlight filtering over both of them like a
blanket.  "You -are- pretty," Neil said, unsure of what statement to
respond to first as he clutched the girl more tightly once again,
feeling her chest heaving and his body react to the tight embrace.
"Tell me what's going on, Nieve, please.  Where's this coming from?"

"-Everyone- leaves me," replied the girl, her voice muffled by the
cloth of Neil's shirt, almost sounding as though she was speaking from
behind closed doors.  For a moment, the girl's words simply hung in the
air, neither of the Children saying anything as they held one another,
her tears beginning to slow simply from exhaustion.  "Because I'm not
good enough to make anyone want to stay.  I couldn't make my mother
come back, and then she died."  She paused again, then simply pressed
her face more tightly into Neil's shoulder.

Neil couldn't help but feeling that he simply wanted Nieve to stop
crying, to be happy again, and even though he tried to make himself
believe that it was because he cared about her, in the back of his mind
he wondered if it wasn't really because he was being selfish about the
situation.  "You've never told me about how your mother died," he said
after a moment of silence, pulling slightly away from the girl once
again.  "Talk to me, Nieve.  Please.  I'm not going to leave."

There was no immediate reply from the girl as she continued to sob
gently, her hands flexing against Neil's back for a moment before she
pushed her face away from his shoulder and brought her emerald eyes on
level with Neil's.  Both Childern simply looked into the other's eyes
for a time, letting themselves commincate without words, Nieve's eyes
seeming to ask questions of the boy silently, as though she was judging
whether or not he needed - or deserved - to know the answer.
"Mother..."  She paused, then let her eyes flutter closed, a single,
seemingly final pair of tears seeping out from the corners of her
eyes.  "Mother died inside of Eva."

For a moment, Neil's brain simply blotted out Nieve's words, lost in a
maze of self-inflicted guilt compounded by the sheer unbelievability of
what the girl had said.  It was only after those few seconds had passed
that he realized the full implications of the statement, that her words
penetrated his brain and sprang into realization.  "Inside of..."  He
trailed off, torn between wanting to make Nieve feel better and wanting
to figure out how Nieve could be telling the truth.  "But your mother
couldn't have been able to pilot Eva."

Cradled in his arms, Nieve's entire body seemed to tense at the boy's
words, her tears renewing themselves as she gasped a breath, light
still filtering lightly over the pair.  "NERV didn't know who could and
couldn't pilot an Eva then," she said, still gasping.  "They thought...
my father... everyone thought I might be able to.  But..."  She trailed
off into a sea of gasping breaths for a few moments, her fingers
relaxing and tensing with steady rythym against Neil's back.  "But I
was afraid.  I was afraid of the big red monster that they wanted me to
get inside.  I... I should have kept a handle on the situation... I
should have..."  She sniffled, leaning over and pressing her face into
Neil's shoulder once again.  "I told them that I wouldn't get inside.
And mother... mother was so angry... she said... that I had to learn to
control myself.  Then she got in, and... and..."

Once again, the girl trailed off into gasping sobs, and Neil thought
for a moment that he'd heard all he was going to about Nieve's mother,
a thought that made him mildly irritated with the girl for leaving him
without closure.  No sooner had he realized that irritation than he
felt guilty for it, knowing that it was selfish of him to think in such
a way, holding Nieve more tightly as though it would somehow make up
for his own reprehensible thoughts.  "Everything went fine at first,"
whispered Nieve's voice, soft enough without the muffling effect of her
face pressed into Neil's shoulder, the combination making it so soft
that Neil almost didn't hear her.  "The machine was working fine.  And
then when they started synchronizing... they started, and... and mother
vanished."  She paused, hands closing more tightly around Neil's back.
"They said that she completely dissolved, that there was nothing left
of her but water.  Nobody said it to my face, but I could hear them all
talking."  She paused for a moment, her body pressed dangerously close
to Neil's.  "It was all my fault.  It's all because of me."

"No.  No.  Nieve, don't say that."  Feeling the tumult of emotions
within himself settle into an uncomfortable numbness, Neil opened his
eyes ever so slightly, the light from the slowly-descending sun moving
through the window and nearly blinding his partially-opened eyes.  "You
were young.  It wasn't your responsibility."  He paused briefly,
knowing that the girl would want a better excuse, too unfamiliar with
the situation to have anything spring to mind.  "You don't have any way
of knowing that it wouldn't have happened to you.  Maybe it was just
the Eva unit."

"That was 02, Neil!" snapped Nieve, anger rising in her tone, Neil
reacting momentarily before he realized that Nieve's anger was being
directed inwards, her nails beginning to dig into his back.  "If I'd
gotten in, mother wouldn't have had to leave!  Mother would still be
here!"  She paused, tears still running from her eyes.  "My father told
me that.  He told me that it all happened because I couldn't control
myself.  He hated me for killing her."  The girl's body shuddered
gently, as though her sadness had found some way of renewing itself.
"He probably still hates me.  He left me then, too.  Him and that
horrible bitch that he married after mother's funeral..."

Staring at the girl's gently shuddering form, Neil found himself
completely speechless, baffled as to what he could do to make things
better, unsure of what to feel or what to do.  Part of him wanted to
feel reassured that it wasn't something he had done that made the girl
cry, but in the back of his mind he couldn't shaek the thought that
he'd somehow triggered what was happening to her, that distantly it was
still his fault on some level.  "Nieve..."  He fumbled with the words,
mouth letting out small noises of nothingness for a moment or two
before he held her tightly once again.  "I'm not going to leave,
Nieve.  I'm not leaving."

A small and bitter laugh came from the girl as she pushed her face away
from Neil's shoulder, her arms relaxing their grip around Neil
uneasily, as though she was trying to convince herself that she was no
longer sad.  "You barely know me, Neil," she said, voice still tinged
with sadness, eyes closed gently but still letting out small rivers of
tears as she sat back in the couch.  "You don't have anything to judge
by.  You'd leave me if you knew more about me."  She paused briefly,
trying her best to look composed, a bitter smile on her face wavering
slightly as tears ran into her mouth.  "I used to be anorexic, you
know.  I couldn't even control what I ate after my mother died.  I
thought that if I could be pretty like she was, maybe..."  She paused,
lips trembling, the facade of composure crumbling swiftly.

Neil reacted to the sight of the girl's tears renewing themselves
swiftly, bringing himself up onto the couch and pulling her close,
slumping slightly to one side as her entire body seemed to collapse on
him.  Much as he wanted to react in some way to the fact that she'd had
an eating disoreder, he simply couldn't wrap his mind around anything
else that had gone wrong, and his mind simply filed away the
information and resolved to deal with it later.  "I don't care about
that," he said, feeling slightly guilty for not reacting with more
sympathy as he pulled the girl close, feeling her slightly tense in
surprise.  "I'm not leaving you.  I'm not."

Once again, Nieve's body shuddered, but instead of her tears renewing
themselves she simply wrapped her arms gently around Neil, taking deep
and steady breaths, whispering something that Neil couldn't quite hear
but he assumed was another apology.  "Shh," he said, rubbing his hands
along the girl's back, glad to find her finally relaxed slightly, the
reprieve from the tumult of her emotions leaving him free to
contemplate what he had done wrong.  He knew, beyond a shadow of a
doubt, that it was his fault, but he also knew that it would be even
worse if he selfishly asked the girl what he'd done, and so he remained
silent, cradling her in his arms and letting his own guilt eat at him
internally.

                                  ]++[

There was work piled high on Misato's desk, papers in piles high and
threatening to fall at any moment, casting long shadows at certain
angles that forced Misato to actually work at a far corner of her
desk.  The floor, too, was littered with some of the papers, a result
of Misato's brief attempt to try and relocate one of the piles.  It was
all tedious paperwork, all form letters that she had to fill out and
respond to and read simply by virtue of her position, and she hated
it.  "This is pointless," she muttered, her vision slightly blurring
the letters of the page in front of her together.  "It's just another
letter complaining about property damage from the latest Eva battle.
As though things would be any better if we just left the Angels to
their own devices."

Sighing, she realized that she was talking to herself, reaching up one
hand to rub the back of her neck as she rolled her head about gently,
purple hair cascading about her shoulders.  Try thought she might, she
wanted to leave, to go back to her apartment with Neil and Nieve, to
sit and have dinner and laugh with them.  Even though she knew, in the
back of her mind, that they would leave as soon as the Angels were
defeated, the simple fact of their presence somehow made her feel more
comfortable at home, as though everything was running smoothly with her
life.  "Like I'm a mom," she muttered, smiling somewhat ambivalently at
the thought.  "All of my other friends have kids by now.  Younger ones,
but kids."

Closing her eyes briefly, Misato's thoughts lighted on Ritsuko,
realizing that the other woman didn't have any children either, that
she was the only person that Misato had really stayed in contact with
outside of college.  "So maybe we're all the same like that," she
muttered, almost idly trying to remain focused on the thought of
children even as she found herself drifting towards the uncomfortable
rift between her and Ritsuko.  It wasn't that she didn't want to be
friends with the blonde woman, she simply couldn't get her mind around
the concept of Kaji dating her.  She knew that it had been awkward for
Ritsuko in their younger days, being the odd one out amongst the trio,
and Misato had no desire to take the role for her own -

Blinking, Misato realized that she'd lost any semblance of work
completely, and shaking her head she turned back towards the letter
lying on her desk, the words still blurring together out of sheer
repetition.  "I barely even need to be reading these anymore," she
muttered, idly tossing the paper into the pile she was reserving for
those that she'd read, planning on simply addressing a single form
letter to the entire lot of complaints.  "They all say the same thing,
after all."

Allowing herself a momentary pause, Misato reached up to snatch the top
paper of the nearest pile before she heard the hissing of her office
door sliding open.  Her brown eyes flicked towards the doorway, and she
felt her expression darken slightly as she saw Kaji walking in,
dissheveled as usual, apparently having nothing better to do with his
time than bothering her.  "You're working rather late, Misato," he
noted casually, stepping towards her desk with a casual grace,
characteristic smirk on his lips.  "You never used to concentrate this
much when we were at school."

"School didn't involve the fate of the planet," replied Misato harshly,
glaring at the man as he smiled at her.  Bad enough that he was dating
her once-best friend, but she could still taste his lips upon hers, as
though it would somehow make the whole affair fine by her standards.
"Go do your job, Kaji.  You're the head of a department, too - act like
it."  She snatched the top paper defiantly, slamming it down in front
of her and doing her best to look as though she was reading it, still
trying to watch Kaji out of the corner of her eye.

Kaji simply stared for a moment, then took it upon himself to lean
directly into Misato's light, blocking any chance she might have had of
pretending to read the letter.  "You were a lot more fun at school," he
noted, his tone light, as though they had only graduated a month or so
beforehand.  "You used to come hang out with Ritsuko and I, to enjoy
yourself."  He paused briefly, and Misato took the opportunity to yank
her gaze and the paper out from under the now-obscured light, moving to
a still-lit portion of her desk.  "Heck, you used to be dating me."

"Yeah, well, times have changed," replied Misato, knowing that she
sounded awkward and blushing despite herself, torn between wanting the
man to simply leave her alone and wanting him to do something that she
couldn't quite put into words.  The thought of being with him still
repulsed her, but as she stared at the letter in front of her she found
herself wondering if she was truly repulsed by the concept, if she
hadn't simply convinced herself over time that she wanted to be
repulsed by him.  "You're dating Ritsuko now.  Go and have fun with her
friends."

"Misato, you -are- her friends," replied the man, laughing slightly.
"You know how focused Ritsuko is on her work.  How many other friends
do you think she has?"  He paused briefly, as though seriously
considering the question.  "Maya, I suppose... maybe Commander Ikari
and Commander Fuyutsuki, but I can't imagine that either of them would
make particularly good drinking partners."

Now it was Misato's turn to laugh, the thought of the tightly reserved
Dr. Ikari at a bar uproarious on too many levels for the woman's anger
to avoid taking some mirth at the suggestion.  Letting her eyes flutter
closed as the laughter faded, she turned back towards Kaji, wanting to
ask him why he had kissed her before, why he'd been so blatant with his
affections.  Her mouth opened, then closed, then opened again ever so
slightly, the words catching in her throat.  "Ryoji... why didn't you
ever say that you loved me?"

The man said nothing in response, and almost unconsciously Misato found
herself remembering why she had chosen to leave the man in the first
place, the cold expression on his face the day that she'd told him that
it was over.  "We were together all through college.  Everyone thought
that you were going to marry me.  But..."  She hesitated, eyes still
closed, restraining tears behind heavy lids.  "Just those simple words,
and I would have stayed.  That was all I wanted to hear."  It was a
lie, but somehow she felt that it was what she needed to say to him,
the only way that she could convince him.  "Were you ever planning on
telling me that you loved me?  Or was I just a way for you to have some
fun for a while?"

Once again, silence hung in the air, and Misato let her eyes open,
knowing that she was about to start crying but feeling oddly calm about
the situation.  The thought of Kaji simply standing nearby and staring
at her with the same smug grin on his face was unbearable, as though
everything she had gone through was trivial to him.  It was a shock to
see that the grin had been replaced by a deathly grim face, a sort of
stoic wall that Misato had seen before but had never quite understood.
"There was something that I wanted to tell you, before you decided to
leave."  He paused briefly, then he closed his own eyes, letting his
head tilt forward slightly.  "But that's not important now, is it?
Like you said, times have changed.  No point in trying to drudge up
relics of another time."

Misato wanted to insist, but she found her motuh stilled, as though her
subconscious was demanding silence for some unknown purpose.  Kaji's
expression remained stoic for a moment longer, then the grin surfaced
once again, as though nothing had happened whatsoever.  "Anyways,
Ritsuko and I are going to be going out tonight, just having a good
time.  If you want to bury the hatchet between us..."  He trailed off,
letting the implication hang in the air, knowing full well that the
woman had caught it.  "You know the place.  The same place that we
always used."  Once again, a pause, but this one seeming to carry the
implications of more to follow.  "Of course, you do have your little
surrogate family with Nieve and Neil.  It's up to you."

Staring at the man, Misato couldn't tell if he'd read the situation as
she saw it that easily or was simply being snide and had made a lucky
call.  "I'll keep it in mind," she said, softer than she'd intended,
and the man seemed to take it as his cue to depart, offering a quick
wave as he headed out of the office.  Misato's eyes lingered on the
doors for a moment longer, then she turned back towards the letter, the
letters of the page blurring together once again, the back of her mind
letting her know that she had no chance of getting any actual work done
for the rest of the day.

                                  ]++[

There was no chance that Niobe was actually going to be able to
internalize the text of the book in front of her, her mind even
momentarily blanking on thename of the book.  It made her angry with
herself to realize that, knowing that she should be able to do more
than one thing in the day, that as long as she had the spare time she
should be doing something productive.  With Misato remaining determined
not to let the young girl practice for too long inside of her Eva,
Niobe was left with a glut of free time on her hand, and she had taken
to trying to digest some literature that her father had wanted her to
read but she had never quite gotten the chance to.  "Focus, Niobe," she
muttered to herself, closing her eyes for just a second.  "You don't
want to fall behind the others."

Rolling over, she lay facedown on the bed for only a second before
propping herself up, tan blouse shifting against her skin as she
propped herself up on her elbows, her loose white pants shifting gently
as her hair fell down onto the open pages of the book.  "I really ought
to get rid of it," she muttered to herself, almost happy for the
distraction, letting it momentarily take her attention away from what
she was failing to do with the book.  "It's just a burden.  And Ryo
obviously doesn't really care about it."  Pausing momentarily, she
allowed herself a sigh, then reached over and closed the book gently,
trying to console herself with the knowledge that most of the other
Children were probably wasting their time in other ways.

"I wonder when Ryo's getting back," she muttered, allowing herself a
thin smile at the thought of the boy returning, certain that she was
making some progress with him, that he was starting to warm up to her.
She'd managed to determine that he was simply staying silent because he
didn't want her to get sloppy, that as long as he acted aloof he could
count on her trying to impress him.  In the back of her mind, she had
her doubts, but those were silent as she let herself roll onto her
back, the thought of the boy's return filling her with an inexplicable
joy.  "He'll want me when all of this is over.  That's all I have to
do.  As long as I keep being the best... he'll wait for me.  He won't
want Nieve any more."

Frowning slightly, Niobe thought almost idly back to the Eleventh
Angel's attack, the way that Nieve had surprised her in the locker
room, as though she was genuinely worried about Niobe.  Part of Niobe
felt contemptuous of the implication that she needed others to worry
about her, but she also couldn't help but smile at the thought of
Nieve's little bit about being the daughters of NERV.  "I wonder what
she's doing," she muttered, shaking her head gently, feeling a small
tightness in her chest at the thought.  "I've barely seen her outside
of Central Dogma, not since we got off the boat."

The thought shifted the smile on her face to a bittersweet one, as
Niobe let her thoughts drift to the other Children, little more than
names and vague recollections of faces in her head.  She knew Ryo by
heart, from both affection and simple proximity, and she had gotten
Nieve's face burned into her memory years before she'd even met the
other girl.  But even though she knew the names of the other three
Children, she would have been hard-pressed to pick them out of a crowd,
or to try and give anything more than the barest physical details about
them.  "Funny," she muttered, feeling as though it was anything but.
"I've been here for such a long time, done so much with the others...
but I've barely even learned who they are.  As though I'm the only one
here."

Sighing, Niobe forced herself to remember her most recent conversation
with Joseph, the man's grudging acceptance that she had improved
carrying with it the subtle undertone that he was displaesed with the
way that she had handled herself.  "I can't let personal relationships
interfere with the big picture," she half-whispered, closing her eyes
gently, remembering the first time that Joseph had told her that.
There was a vague buildup of tears behind her eyes, something she did
her best to suppress.  She knew that her relationship with Ryo was
different, that even though Joseph would be opposed to it she was doing
the right thing, but she knew that certain sacrifices had to be made to
be the best.  "It's all for the best.  It's what I'm supposed to be
doing."

A creak came from outside of Niobe's room, and the girl's body tensed
momentarily before she sprang to her feet, throwing open the door to
her room with a smile.  Ryo stood only a few inches in front of the
doorway, shoes already removed, his school uniform hanging loosely off
his pale frame, red eyes flicking towards Niobe casually.  "I apologize
for being late," he said flatly, the tone of his voice implying that he
was apologizing more out of a sense of obligation than any actual
regret.  "I will start dinner."

"No rush.  I'm not very hungry."  Niobe forced herself to remain
smiling, knowing that she had to keep up the best possible face, that
he wanted to see how good she really could be.  Inside her head, she
was slowly chanting to herself that he was only acting frigid towards
her, that he truly wanted to be with her but simply needed to be sure
he could rely on her.  "How did your testing go?" she asked, stepping
out of her room and into the hallway, feeling her long hair lightly
brush against the back of her blouse.

Ryo stared at the girl for a moment, blinking out of curiosity, and
Niobe inwardly scolded herself, knowing that she should have remembered
Ryo never understood when she asked such questions.  "According to
schedule," he replied at length, the vaguest hints of something else
beneath the surface of his words, as though the boy was finally
starting to melt away the icy wall between he and the African girl.  "I
will not be attending school for at least two more weeks.  Commander
Ikari's orders."

Part of Niobe took Ryo's words as a sign that she was being successful
in her quest to be the best pilot, assuming that Ikari could only want
Ryo out of school to make him catch up to her.  Another part felt bad,
knowing that such an experience could be painful.  "Do you want to talk
about it?" she asked, still retaining the smile across her face, as
though everything was fine.  Ryo shook his head gently, and Niobe bit
her lower lip, wanting to say something that would make him impressed
with her, something that he would want to hear.  "Not that I expect
you'd need the school, of course.  I mean, other people are just
distractions, aren't they?"

"I suppose," replied Ryo, sounding as though he truly didn't care what
Niobe was saying as he stepped around her, his body lightly brushing
against her as he passed.  "All that ultimately matters is that we
defeat the Angels."  He stopped in front of his door, hand resting on
the doorknob, on the cusp of simply entering the room but somehow
restrained.  Something was rising within him, something that he
couldn't begin to explain had anybody asked, and a slow smile began to
creep across his face, almost invisible against the gray walls and poor
light of his apartment.  "I will still get to see Nieve, however."  He
paused, realizing almost unconsciously that it was the first time he
had spoken about the girl in name to Niobe.  "That... that is..."
Letting his eyes close, he fumbled for the words, his thoughts about
Niobe's words on emotions and Eiko's words on love slowly drifting
through his mind.  "Good."

Niobe was left utterly stunned as the boy entered his room and closed
it behind him, part of her idly noting that he was still capable of
throwing her off even though she thought she'd finally gotten him
figured out.  She had never heard him use that tone of voice before,
like an innocent child discovering for the first time what it meant to
be attracted to another person, as though he was only five years old.
"It's an act," she whispered to herself, trying to convince herself as
she stepped back towards her room, her hair feeling choking as it moved
against her body.  "He's just trying a different way of testing me.
Nothing has changed.  He cares about me."  She took a deep breath,
reminding herself not to get distracted as she opened the door.  "He
cares about me.  He has to."

Standing only inches from the door within his own room, Ryo was equally
surprised by his statement, the words feeling alien to him even though
they had come out of his own mouth.  The light of the setting sun from
the lone window in his room felt comfortable, as though he was back
within the smooth tube of LCL, the gentle warmth caressing his body.
"Seeing Nieve would be good," he repeated, the words feeling more firm
in his mouth, still trying to understand why they felt so comfortable,
how such an obvious breach of routine could feel right.

Letting his eyes close, Ryo tried to think about the situation, letting
his brain push the statement through the logical routine he'd been
taught by Gendou, knowing that if he simply followed the routine
correctly it would yield the answer.  "Love is giving control," he
muttered, wondering almost idly if he was beginning to gain some
control over his life, if things were falling into his hands.  The mere
thought stirred something within him that he couldn't quite place,
something powerful that he couldn't name.  Shaking his head, he pushed
the thought out and stepped over to his closet, beginning to change out
of his school uniform, running through the old routine, his mind
suddenly finding itself occupied with the concept of something else.

                                  ]++[

The stains of tears were still lying on Nieve's cheeks as Neil gently
tucked the lone blanket he could find over her prone form, pale skin
and red hair silhouetted against the green color of the couch and the
mottled tan of the blanket.  Her breathing still came in quick gasps,
but it had finally managed to level off, and Neil took a minute to
simply watching the gently motion of the girl's body from breathing
before he turned around and shut off the small, aging VCR.  "I never
did ask what I'd done wrong," he muttered, making sure to keep his
voice quiet enough not to stir the now-sleeping girl, his mind whirling
about the possibilities silently.

For a moment, the only noise that filled the apartment was the quiet
buzzing of electricity through the wires of the walls and the distant,
omnipresent humming of the cicadas.  Neil sat calmly, simply letting
himself try and piece together what he'd done wrong, all of his
mistakes of the from the day coalescing internally, when without any
warning he heard the front door open with what seemed like the noise of
a gunshot.  Neil froze momentarily, then carefully rose to his feet
swiftly, redirecting his momentum to quickly lope from the living room
towards the front door, the reflexes that he'd honed from piloting the
Eva being directed to an entirely different purpose.  Misato was
standing in front of the door, gently removing her shoes, an odd
expression lurking beneath her eyes.  "Hi, Neil," she said, sounding
exhausted as she removed her red jacket.  "How was your -"

Neil held a finger up against his lips as he lurched to a stop, giving
the elder woman pause long enough for him to gesture towards the living
room and start walking towards her.  "Nieve's asleep," he explained,
stepping towards her even as he forced himself not to think of the
awkward encounter he'd had with her a few nights prior.  "She...
we..."  He paused, then shook his head.  "Some things happened.  Bad
things."

"Must have been," replied Misato, her brown eyes lighting immediately
on Neil's shoulder, the wet stain from Nieve's tears still obviously
visible.  Neil simply stared at the woman for a moment, unsure of what
she was referring to, then glanced towards the wet stain on his shirt
and blushed.  "I'm assuming that you're not flexible enough to cry on
your own shoulder, so I'll draw the obvious conclusion."  She paused,
then stepped from the small recessed area up into the main hallway from
the door into the apartment.  "Can I ask what you were talking about?"

The boy didn't respond for a moment, casting his eyes towards the floor
out of sheer uncertainty, wondering if Nieve would have been willing to
let him tell Misato or not.  Silence passed between them long enough
for Misato to choose to step past the boy and into the kitchen, her
purple hair brushing lightly against his head.  "Her life," replied
Neil, his gaze still fixed on the floor, feeling as though he would be
betraying Nieve if he said too much and betraying Misato if he didn't
tell her enough.  "How much... how much do you know about her personal
history?  I would guess that since she's been with NERV so long -"

"It was the anorexia, wasn't it?" asked Misato almost casually, as
though she was simply speaking about a particularly nasty species of
insect.  Neil's head whipped around towards the woman, watching as she
simply took a beer out of the fridge, the same inexplicable expression
lurking beneath her eyes.  It seemed almost as though something had
snapped inside her, an expression that he'd caught glimpses of before,
a simple burning out of her ability to care about things.  "That was
when she was thirteen.  Lasted until she was fourteen officially, and
from what I understand she only really recovered to a healthy weight
about a year ago."  She paused, looking towards the boy at length.  "We
all knew, Neil.  It's part of being administrative staff."

A thought occured to Neil, a concept that scared him at the same time
that it was almost relieving, a vague realization that hadn't even
begun to enter his mind before the moment that Misato had told him she
knew about Nieve.  "Do you know..."  He paused, struggling with the
words, almost afraid to ask for fear of learning that he was right.
"Do you know about all of our pasts?  Everything?"

"Most of what we can," replied Misato, cracking open the beer with a
loud hissing noise, the vague scent of alcohol filling the air and
letting Neil's head flood with memories.  She paused as well, holding
the beer in her hand and simply staring at it, slowly turning towards
Neil.  "Yes, I know what happened on the schoolyard, Neil," she said at
length, her tone almost sounding guilty, eyes hidden from him by
lowered lids and strands of purple hair as she tilted her head
forward.  "And I know about your father, and your mother, and your
grades in school.  If I asked for your dental records, I could get them
fairly quickly."  She paused again, this time more briefly.  "I'm
sorry.  I should have told you."

Neil shook his head, the news striking him oddly numbly, as though he'd
already been aware of the fact and was simply hearing it for the
umpteenth time secondhand.  "It's all right," the boy replied, almost
feeling silly for not realizing that the organization could have access
to such information.  "I just... didn't know anything about it.  I sort
of assumed that you..."  He paused, feeling himself losing the ability
to be truly coherent, knowing he was stammering and babbling despite
himself.  "I don't really know what I would have wanted.  It's just a
lot to take on in one day."

"But you should have been told," replied Misato, something lying
beneath her tone, as though she was blaming herself for the situation.
The woman let herself take a single long sip of her beer, something
still lingering beneath her eyes, an unspeakable sadness that Neil
couldn't begin to understand.  "We - I - should have let you know
exactly how much we knew about you.  There are so many things that
you've been forced to take on, and you shouldn't have to deal with all
of them..."  She paused once again, then smiled somewhat bitterly.
"I'm sorry.  I'm probably sounding painfully melodramatic right about
now.  It's just been a long day at work, and I suppose I'm being a
little contemplative."  She shook her head.  "But you're probably just
as exhausted as Nieve."

Allowing himself a smile, Neil nodded, feeling inexplicably awkward as
he moved towards the living room slowly, glancing quickly over his
shoulder into the room where Nieve lay sleeping.  He couldn't see her
at all, and he found himself worrying about her, wishing that he was
over watching her and making sure that she was all right instead of
talking with Misato.  "Just another day, I guess.  We were bound to
find out more about one another eventually."

Misato didn't reply, but Neil could hear the soft noise of her feet
padding against the floor of the apartment, getting louder as she
walked towards him while he continued to stare into the living room.
"Do you really care about her?" she asked, softly and casually, enough
so that Neil didn't really catch the question until a moment or two
after the woman had fallen silent.  His head turned towards her, green
eyes resting on her unreadable expression, something tensing within him
as he began to notice how unusual Misato was acting.  "You should ask
yourself that.  It's not fair to her if you don't."  Her face was
almost blank, and Neil found himself trying to figure out what it was
that was going on behind the expression, only the vaguest hints of
sympathy peeking through.  "So... do you?"

"She's my teammate," replied Neil without hesitation, knowing as soon
as the words had passed his lips that he'd said the wrong thing,
feeling a minor twitch of guilt at the thought.  "We trust each other
with life and death.  We've got to."  He paused, then sank his head
slightly.  "But it's hard to tell, I guess.  Most people don't go
through things like this.  We're trying to get to know each other under
pretty extreme circumstances."  Frowning slightly, he looked towards
Misato.  "I'm not sure."

"I think you do," Misato replied, her tone implying that it was more of
a continuation of her previous statements, almost sounding as though
she hadn't really listened to what Neil had seen.  Her expression had
shifted again, looking almost maternal, head tilted slightly forward
and eyes angled towards the couch.  "But I think you're also an unusual
case."  She paused, then turned towards Neil, a bittersweet smile on
her face.  "You're lonely, aren't you?"  Neil frowned, biting his lower
lip slightly, then nodded, and Misato gave another nod in response.
"So you have to figure out - do you care about Nieve genuinely, or just
because she's somebody to be with?"

Neil's face morphed completely into a frow, almost scowling at Misato
for a moment before he moved his gaze towards the couch where he knew
that Nieve was sleeping.  "I could ask the same thing about what you
think about me," replied Neil, feeling bitter at both Misato and
himself.  "Or about you and Kaji, for that matter."  He paused, knowing
that he'd probably struck a nerve, trying to convince himself that he
didn't care about it.  "Where's all this coming from, anyways?  It's
not like you're my mother."

A small, almost silent noise came from Misato's direction, and Neil
turned towards her to see the same bitter smile that he'd seen earlier
playing across her mouth.  "I suppose you're right," she replied after
a moment, shaking her head and stepping over to the fridge, staying
quiet as she opened the door and placed the opened beer within, then
closing it and looking towards Neil again, almost ashamed.  "Like I
said before, you have to deal with a lot of things that aren't fair.
We all have."  She paused, then stepped out of the kitchen, past Neil
and towards the front door.  "I'm sorry.  It's been an odd day for me,
and..."  Freezing momentarily, she shook her head as she stepped into
the lowered area in front of the door, slipping on her shoes.  "Never
mind.  You're probably getting sick of other people dumping their
emotional burdens on you."

The boy's eyes went wide for just a moment, recalling what he'd been
feeling earlier as he'd wished for Nieve to stop crying, a twitch of
panic and guilt racing up his spine at the thought that Misato had
picked up on it, that Nieve could have noticed as well.  "It's not a
problem, really," he replied, taking a step towards the door after
Misato.  "Just talk to me.  I'll listen."

"You wouldn't understand," replied Misato, shaking her head, one hand
resting on the doorknob as the same smile seemed to freeze into her
face.  "I guess we all forget who you are sometimes - even though
you've had all this responsibility given to you, you are just kids."
The woman shook her head and closed her eyes for a second, Neil feeling
utterly confused, as though he was watching a movie after having missed
a critical portion.  "I'm going to go out tonight.  Can you and Nieve
take care of yourselves?"

Forcing a smile, Neil nodded.  "We can handle gigantic robots and
horrific beasts - I think we'll manage."  He wanted his voice to sound
strong, resolute, certain of itself, but instead it simply sounded as
though he was trying to force it into precisely that, as though he was
hiding something from himself.

"Glad to hear it," replied Misato, either not noticing the tone of
Neil's voice or simply ignoring it, turning around as she twisted the
doorknob and pushing the door open.  Standing in place, Neil wanted her
to pause for a moment, to glance back in his direction, to make some
last gesture before she left.  It was the way that things always worked
in the movies, the way that he would have been able to begin to
understand what was going on, some hint inside of her brain.  But he
received no such thing, and the door closed behind her quietly as Neil
stared, the click of the door closing signaling the last noise from
her, filling the apartment with a now-uneasy silence.

                                  ]++[

As his avatar whirled about on the enlarged display area, the almost-
holographic representation of a man in a long red trenchcoat sliding
smoothly away from his opponent's attacks, Vash had to fight down the
urge to let himself be overcome with euphoria and lose his focus on the
conflict at hand.  He was winning for the first time in a long while,
and even as his opponent drove a blade towards his chest he forced the
joystick in his hands to one side, letting the blow fly freely, the
simple grace of the maneuver visible to the small crowd that had
gathered to watch.  Gritting his teeth, Vash flashed a quick smile
before hammering in a swift combination of buttons and directions,
letting his character slam the other one in the gut firmly before
pulling out a massive silver gun and firing a single round that sent
the other fighter sprawling.  "I won," he muttered, letting it sink in
for a moment before turning towards Eiko.  "I won!"

"Congratulations.  I'm sure everyone's very impressed."  The girl's
tone was slightly quiet, but her lowered eyelids and wry grin made it
clear to Vash that she wasn't truly resentful about his victory, simply
trying to make him feel a little bad about it.  A thin layer of sweat
had beaded along her forehead, and there were a few damp patches along
her blouse, less from the heat of the arcade and more from the simple
stress of the game.  "You did a good job, though.  I didn't think you'd
been practicing."

"I haven't," he replied, technically telling the truth, adding silently
in his head that looking through various strategy guides with Kensuke's
help didn't count as practicing.  "All the experience I've had with the
Eva must be helping me out a bit."  He paused, breathing a heavy
breath, then shook his head and reached up to smooth his blonde hair,
letting just a few strands fall free intentionally.  "I've never seen
you use that maneuver from the second match before, though.  That weird
thing you did, where you feinted forward and then started hitting from
both sides.  Nearly had me."  He paused.  "You want to go get some
dinner?  I'm starving."

"Sounds good," replied Eiko, releasing her death-grip on the controls
of the arcade machine with a smile, bouncing towards the dining area
with a smile on her face as Vash followed close behind.  "I'd never
seen it before either, not until earlier today.  Neil and I were
playing the portable version with your GBP.  He said that he was just
pressing buttons randomly, but it worked pretty well.  I stepped right
into it."

Vash felt himself tense at the mention of Neil, almost unconsciously
slowing his steps as Eiko continued ahead, her green-gray skirt
swishing around the smooth flesh of her legs for a moment before she
realized that her boyfriend was falling behind.  She stopped,t hen
began to turn, and Vash felt himself tense further, not wanting to
admit what he was thinking, knowing that it made him look horrifically
insecure.  "What's wrong?" she asked, frowning at him, her eyes
penetrating, as though she already knew the answer.

Biting his lower lip for a second, Vash laughed, waving one of his
hands as though it was nothing whatsoever as he stepped around the girl
and continued towards the dining area.  "Wrong?  Not a thing.  I'm just
surprised that Neil could know a trick that you don't."  He smiled,
shrugging as lightheartedly as he could.  "I guess there's got to be
something to do over in America, though.  I just sort of assumed that
he didn't pay much attention to games like that."

There were no sounds from Eiko as the boy marched to the counter of the
dining area, reciting the order that he knew more or less by heart and
handing over the small sum of yen, taking some small joy in the fact
that he was receiving a salary from NERV.  It wasn't much, but it was
enough to more than cover his minor expenses, and it made him look
better to be able to throw down money whenever he needed to.  By the
time the man in the surprisingly crisp white uniform had given him the
food he'd requested, Eiko had already selected a table, far from the
counter, crouched in the flashing lights and vague smoke of the
arcade.  "Couldn't have picked something a little closer?" he asked,
voice loud enough to carry as he walked towards the table with food in
toe, smiling good-naturedly.

Eiko said nothing until the boy actually reached the table, and Vash
could see instantly from her expression that there was something major
going in inside her head.  "I wish that you didn't hate him so much,"
she said quietly, the subject of her speech obvious, Vash freezing with
the food hovering slightly above the table, the bitter taste of the
smoek drifting into his nose and stinging his nostrils.  "I've been
friends with Kensuke for years, and you've never acted like this about
him."

For a moment, Vash considered trying to write the whole thing off,
knowing that it would look better if he didn't appear to be jealous.
But the damage had already been done, and in the back of his mind he
knew that, simply letting the rest of his thoughts accept that fact as
he sat down at the table across from Eiko.  "Because I've been friends
with Kensuke for years, too," he replied, sounding slightly more bitter
than he'd expected.  "Heck, if you were attracted to Kensuke, I might
have an easier time understanding it.  You've become awfully close to
Neil even though he's only been here for a little while."

"So I'm not allowed to make new friends?" replied Eiko, her tone rising
slightly, the pitch of her voice becoming sharper.  Vash said nothing,
biting his lower lip and staring at the girl, doing his best to keep
his face unreadable even though he knew that it would anger the girl at
least a little.  "Vash, we're all fighting the Angels together, and
Neil and I happen to get along well.  For all you know, I could just be
talking about the way that it feels inside the cockpit of the Evas.
You have no idea of what goes on when we stop by to see each other."

"Well, that's another part of the problem," replied Vash, his voice
growing slightly more angry even as he tried consciously to keep it
down, not wanting to make a scene.  He didn't dare take his eyes off of
Eiko for an instant, knowing that she wouldn't be pleased with him for
doing any such thing, but he suspected in the back of his mind that
there were still a few spectators from the game before watching them,
and even if he was wrong he knew that shouting matches tended to
attract crowds.  "I don't know what you're doing with him.  You could
be playing video games, or you could be out clubbing old ladies with
sticks.  You only talk to me about it in passing."

"And?  Vash, you're not in charge of me."  The girl's tone was growing
more confrontational, a tone that Vash distantly recognized from the
few conversations that he'd heard between Eiko and her parents.  "I can
go out and spend time with other people if I want to.  I don't need
your approval."  She paused, frowning at him, something on her face
making Vash distinctly uneasy for reasons that he couldn't entirely
piece together.

Quiet settled over the table for a moment, Eiko reaching over and
taking her food from the boy, Vash trying to figure out how to approach
the situation without making a scene.  "Would you rather be with him
right now?" he asked at length, voice quiet without manipulation, only
the slightest hesitation in his voice.  Eiko's hands froze, hands still
grasping her food awkwardly, a slow shock coming over her eyes.  "After
all, you're talking about me as though I make you miserable.  Would you
rather be with Neil?"

"I... I don't..."  Eiko paused, then shook her head, looking at Vash
somewhat harshly.  "No.  No!  Vash, that's ridiculous.  You're my
boyfriend.  We've been together for years."  She paused, then reached
over and gripped his hand gently, squeezing it even as the thin smoke
of the arcade wrapped around them.  "Don't say things like that.  You
know that I want to be with you.  I just wish that you weren't so
afraid that he was going to steal me all the time."

"Maybe I'd be less afraid if..."  Vash stopped himself, realizing that
he didn't want to admit he was scared in the first place a second too
later.  Wincing internally, he shook his head, wishing that he could
reset the conversation completely, wanting very much not to talk about
anything related to Neil.  Then an idea occured to him, and he turned
back towards Eiko, the bitter taste of the smoke flitting into his
mouth as it opened.  "I'm not afraid that he's going to steal you, I'm
afraid that you're going away from me.  I still don't understand why
you didn't want me when we had planned."

Eiko's eyes went wide for a moment, then she squeezed Vash's hand
again, leaning forward as her dark hair swung lightly around her pale
skin.  "Is that really bugging you?" she asked, her voice sounding
almost ashamed, only the vaguest hints of relief creeping in.  "Is that
what this is all about?"

"Kind of," replied Vash, letting his blue eyes drift ever so slightly
away from Eiko, focusing just enough to one side of her head that he
wasn't looking into her eyes when he lied.  He didn't like lying to her
at all, but he needed to find a way out of the conversation, and he
didn't want to look as though he was jealous to her.  It was the only
alternative that seemed to present itself, even if it was distasteful.
"I mean, we've been together for a long time, and you were so excited
about it, and..."  He paused, trying to find the words, mouth moving
silently as he tried to force out something.

Then Eiko leaned still closer to him, cutting off what he was about to
say, leaving the half-formed words within his brain to drift and
dissipate despite their importance.  "All right," she said softly,
obviously trying to keep others from hearing her.  "I have a spare set
of keys to Hikari's house, and she and her parents are going away
tonight.  We'll have the place to ourselves."  She paused.  "If it
really means that much to you, then let's do it."

Vash stared at the girl, then nodded, feeling a minor pang of guilt for
saying yes.  It wasn't that he didn't want Eiko - she was probably the
most attractive girl in his entire class, and definitely the most
likable one.  But he'd only moved onto the topic of their abortive
effort at making love as he was grasping at straws for a way to get out
of the conversation without looking bad, not as a way to get laid,
especially when the only way to do so was to sneak into the house of a
friend.  Sighing silently to himself, he smiled at the girl across the
table, not wanting to say what he was thinking, knowing that he no
longer had a choice.

                                  ]++[

Sleeping had never been something that came naturally to Neil
Richelieu, and from what he undestood from his mother he had been like
that more or less since the day he was born.  She never seemed to tire
of telling him that he had been horribly fussy as a child, that he was
always waking up and crying because he'd presumably had a nightmare.
Time had passed, but Neil's predisposition towards nightmares and
insomnia hadn't changed in the slightest, and as he lay in his darkened
room he simply stared at the ceiling, thoughts filled with Nieve and
Misato.  In the back of his mind, the single green eye of EVA-01
quietly beckoned towards sleep, and almost idly he found himself
wondering whether he was better off tortured by nightmares or waking
worries.

"Wonder if Eiko knows about me," he muttered softly to himself,
distantly aware of some noise outside of his room and writing it off as
Pen-Pen waking to get some food.  The thought that Eiko might know what
he had done seemed like an unlikely one, but he'd also assumed that
Misato didn't know.  He thought back on the times when he'd wanted to
tell her, feeling guilty for not telling her at the same time that he
resented the fact that she had known all along, feeling aqs though he
was an open book to the woman, that she knew full well the sort of
horrible person that he really was.  Biting his lower lip, he rolled
slightly to one side, the embrace of the lone green eye in his
nightmares suddenly seeming rather inviting.

Then there was the noise of a door opening, and Neil turned himself
back towards the door, eyes wide, expecting to see Misato stepping
through the door even though he was certain she wasn't home yet.  His
eyes widened further as he saw Nieve standing in the door, light from
outside in the apartment silhouetting her against the doorframe, her
flame-red hair glinting slightly under the light from behind her.
"Nieve?" he asked, sitting up in his bed as the girl seemed to stare at
him, his eyes unadjusted and only slowly focusing in enough to pick out
the girl's expression.  "Are you all right?"

"No," replied Nieve flatly, seeming to huddle in on herself as Neil's
eyes irised into focus, the slender form of the girl in front of him
becoming clearer.  She seemed breathtakingly beautiful to Neil,
something about the sheer vulnerability that she exuded making her more
attractive to him.  "I'm not all right at all.  I'm..."  She paused,
her head sinking, strands of hair like fire draping down about her
shoulders.  "I'm ugly.  And alone.  And weak."

"Don't say that," replied Neil, beginning to get out of his bed before
he realized that the girl was moving towards him with halting steps,
arms crossed across her chest, her blouse and skirt suddenly seeming
very thin as Neil's body twitched into response.  It was embarassing,
but for once Neil was too focused on other problems to feel guilty
about it, worried that something terrible was about to happen and that
he was powerless to prevent it.  "Nieve, you're beautiful.  I thought
so the first day I met you.  And you're not alone."  He paused, the
girl's steps slow and small, body rocking back and forth with each
small motion.  "I'm with you.  I promise."

"I know," replied Nieve, one hand reaching out to close the door behind
her, the light from outside of the room catching a single tear before
it was obscured once again with a soft click.  "I know you're with me.
I just..."  She paused for a moment, leaning backwards against the
door, the distance between her and Neil feeling infinite to both of
them.  "Neil.  Remember when I asked you if you'd ever thought about
sleeping with me?"

A hard lump congealed inside Neil's throat, his entire body tensing
slightly as he recalled the day.  "Yes," he replied, voice sounding
slightly raspy as his throat seemed to drain itself of moisture.  "I
remember."

"Give me an answer," replied Nieve, her voice sounding at once brittle
and strong, one hand moving ever so slightly as the girl's muscles
tensed.  She felt almost drunk, the haze of sleep still resting upon
her eyelids and her mind, only one thing standing out in her mind as
she focused on the young blonde boy in bed before her.  "Please, tell
me the truth.  Have you ever thought about... about making love to me?"

Neil wanted to lie.  He hated admitting it to himself, but he wanted to
lie to the girl, to tell her that he'd never thought of it, simply for
the fact that it would make him feel better about himself.  But he knew
that lying would only hurt her more, even as he realized that the truth
would make it clear that he'd been lying before.  "Yes," he replied
softly, feeling unusually exposed, the surpressed guilt from his
involuntary erection beginning to seep into his mind.

"Then..."  Nieve took a deep breath, and as Neil stared at her she
pushed off of the door, her hands slowly moving towards the buttons of
her blouse, fingers resting uncomfortably against the smooth plastic of
the buttons.  A rush of blood went through Neil as he felt the tension
of the moment, everything becoming crystalline for one second as the
girl stood across from him, her green eyes open wide to match Neil's
even as they were cast down towards the floor.  Then her hands began to
move, slowly slipping the buttons free of their holes, moving swiftly
and leaving the blouse hanging open.  "Then do it."

Had the apartment caught fire at that moment, Neil doubted that he
would have been able to move unless Nieve did, that he would have been
hard-pressed to avert his eyes as he stared at the girl through the
scarce silver moonlight.  Her skin beneath the shirt was pale, the same
beautiful and smooth tone of the rest of her body, almost seeming to
glow under the light of the moon.  All that broke the smooth surface
was the white lace of the girl's bra, gently wrapped about her breasts,
both notably smaller than Misato's but for the moment the most
beautiful and transfixing sight that Neil had ever seen.  They were at
once sexual and simply perfect, an expression of the awkward tension of
the moment at the same time that they provided a comfortable rest for
Neil's gaze.  "Nieve..."  He swallowed hard, unsure of how to finish
the sentence.

"Please, Neil.  We're not children."  She'd meant to sound confident,
but her voice wound up coming out small and vulnerable as she stepped
towards the bed, at once wanting to simply toss the rest of her clothes
off and cover herself up once again.  Her feet moved across the room
slowly, and as she movved she shrugged her shoulders enough to sent the
shirt falling to the floor, the blouse landing in a lump of maroon
fabric as the dim light caressed her shoulders and arms.  "I'm asking
you as an adult, as someone who cares about you... as someone you care
about.  If you want to make love to me, do it."

Neil could only watch as the girl continued to walk towards him, her
body obviously trembling as she moved, as though she wondered why the
boy wasn't responding in some way.  Then she came within arm's length
of Neil, and slowly she reached out to him, her hands brushing the
fabric of his shirt, a small tremor moving through his body as he felt
the contact.  Slowly, haltingly, he reached over to her, touching his
hand against the smooth skin of her stomach, feeling the warmth from
her body, the electric sensation of touching the girl's skin as she
stood in front of him, tension filling the air.  "I've never done this
before," he whispered to her, wanting very much to take her up on the
offer even as he felt some distant reservations.

Reaching down, Nieve's fingers curled around the bottom of Neil's shirt
for a moment, then pulled it off, the night air feeling oddly strong
against his skin as she tossed the shirt to one side.  "Neither have
I," she replied, something vaguely resembling her usual smile drifting
across her face, both hands moving to grip Neil's, pulling his hands
gently to her skirt, slipping his fingers in around the elastic,
trembling slightly as she felt his hands against her hips.  The
implications were obvious, and Neil pulled down, letting the clothing
fall to the floor, hands brushing against her legs as he moved.  "But
I'm not afraid.  I want to do this with you, Neil.  I really do."

Gently, Nieve began to step onto the bed, her body pressing against
Neil's as he lay back down and she rested on top of him.  The sudden
warmth and contact and cavalcade of emotions were more than Neil had
been expecting, and even though he knew that the girl was still wearing
some clothing he felt as though they were totally naked together.
"You're beautiful," he said, slowly reaching up to embrace the girl as
she stared into his eyes, the eyes of both wide as his hands rested
against the back of her bra.  The nagging reservations in the back of
his head remained, however, and a thought occured to him even as he
began to remove the clasps that held the bra against Nieve's smooth
skin.  "I... I don't have a condom.  We..."

"Shh," replied Nieve, pressing a finger against the boy's mouth even as
he felt her body shudder slightly, a single tear forming and falling
agains his cheek.  "I... I can't have children.  One side effect of
anorexia is that it ruins your reproductive system, and if it persists
long enough the effects are permanent."  She paused, her body
shuddering gently now, the girl not crying but seemingly ready to
because of Neil's comment.  "When I found out that I would never be a
mother, I almost went into a relapse.  I was the end of everything good
about my mother, the last in my line."

Neil felt a bit of justified guilt, and his hands began to move away
from the girl's bra before her own hands reached up to stop them, even
as the tears slowly fell from her emerald eyes.  "Please, Neil, don't
stop.  I know..."  She paused, a slight tremor going through her body.
"I know that I'm broken.  But I need to feel you right now, need to
feel that you truly want me near you, that you're not going to leave.
I need to be near you.  I..."  Her voice dropped slightly, as though
she was terrified someone might hear her.  "I love you."

The words struck Neil almost like a blow across the face, something
completely and utterly unexpected as he felt the girl press against
him, his own arousal growing even with the tumult of guilt in the back
of his mind.  "I love you too," he whispered, her arms moving back down
to embrace him as he released her bra, letting it fall away from her
body from simple gravity.  The white lace undergarment fell against his
chest for a moment, then the girl rose slightly and tossed it away,
affording Neil a full view of her small but still attractive breasts,
the smooth white skin blending to a single red point.  Neil stared for
a moment, then almost instinctively reached up towards the girl,
letting his hands cup against the breasts, feeling her twitch as he
touched them.

Though he'd never seen anything explicitly pronographic, Neil knew more
than enough about what sex was supposed to be from movies.  He knew the
way that it was supposed to feel, all of the overt mechanics of the
operation, the way that women were supposed to cry out and men were
supposed to move, and he'd always expected in the back of his mind that
he was more than prepared for his first encounter.  From the instant
that his hands cradled Nieve's breasts, however, he knew that he didn't
have the vaguest idea of what he was doing, that he was dealing with
something far beyond anything he knew.  All that he could do was let
himself go, let his body tell him what to do and react to Nieve's
motions, hoping that it was wired into his brain, that he could go on
some kind of autopilot.

Luckily enough for him, the plan proved to work quite well, and Neil
found time blurring into itself, his world a series of disjointed
images of the beautiful girl in his arms riding waves of ecstacy and
his body experiencing the same thing.  He lacked the words to even
approach description of the feeling - the closest that he could come
was a simple physical description, and he knew without even trying that
it didn't even begin to convey what was passing between he and Nieve,
that there was too much going on beyond the overtly sexual.  The
experience felt magical, spiritual, perfect at the same time that it
felt inexpressably natural, and as he felt his partner move around him
he found himself almost losing his identity, the two bodys wrapped
together on the bed blurring into one.

It might have been hours or simply minutes before it was over, and
either way Neil would not have been surprised by the fact.  Nieve
collapsed into sleep almost the second that it ended, only whispering
that she loved Neil one last time before cradling herself in his arms
and the blankets, a smile finally passing over her lips as her eyes
drifted closed.  That in and of itself almost made everything else all
right, and as Neil held Nieve tightly, her naked flesh still pressing
against him, he felt momentarily comforted, as though the eye of the
Eva suddenly offered him nothing he couldn't alleviate.

Then he closed his eyes, and the face of Eiko Suzuhara was waiting for
him inside of his mind, eyes wide as though she was disgusted with the
boy, the expression unspeakably alluring and painful.

Neil's eyes flew back open again, suddenly becoming extremely conscious
of the naked girl his arms were around, the fact that he'd though of
Eiko feeling even worse as he looked at Nieve.  He was glad that he was
holding her, was ecstatic that she had wanted to sleep in his amrs, but
at the same instant he wanted her to be Eiko, wanted to hold the
Japanese girl in the same way.  "I'm horrible," he whispered to
himself, holding Nieve slightly more tightly as he closed his eyes
again, Eiko's face still staring at him within the recesses of his
brain.  His guilt was renewing itself, and he felt ashamed for having
not tried to stop Nieve from making love to him, as though he should
have told her how horrible he really was.  Grimacing slightly, he tried
to push thoughts of Eiko out of his mind, the eye of EVA-01 still
distantly watching as the two girls danced back and forth within his
thoughts.

                                  ]++[

Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by
GAINAX and company.  It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.

Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.

Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the
Japanese portions of the story.  He might not know much Japanese, but
that's more than I know.

Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.

NEXT EPISODE:
             The weight that doesn't show.
             The weight that remains hidden.
             The weight that pulls you down.
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 16: BURDENS OF THE SOUL
"I don't want to fight you.  I want to make you -hurt-!"

                                  ]++[

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